Domestic violence

[Flower1108]

I have been with my partner for 2 years we went out with each other 17 years ago we have recently had a baby together 15 weeks old, since our relationship has started we have had lots of stress from ex partners family that has put a huge strain on our relationship the last year which turned him to drinking there has been 3 occasions where the police have been called the last one I pressed charges as he hit me and I am continuing with the court case. I am currently now ion cp due to these incidents he is due in court on the 9/03/2016 I have been told he is working with social services and doing courses for drinking domestic violence and having counciling.. I do love him and believe that he can get the help for his family but until he does and can prove he has changed and got some help I wouldn't allow him back into the family home and also social services have said no contact with the children, if he does get the help would social services allow us to rebuild our relationship in time or will they say no forever? I know that he wants to work to get his family back and be the dad and family man he wants to be.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Flower1108

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG’s online advisers.

I can see that you have been going through a particularly stressful experience as a result of Childrens’ Services being involved with your family. Clearly, there is a lot going on due to the extensive level of violence you have suffered within your present relationship. Particularly when your partner also happens to be a long term ‘friend’ and someone you have strong feelings for at this time. However, professionals take gender based violence extremely seriously due to the high level of risk factors when there is an unborn child or small children involved.

From the information you have provided, if I have understood you correctly, it seems as if your partner is on police bail. I wonder if you have been asked to sign a written agreement stating you will not allow contact between the baby and his father. However, a multi-agency child protection plan has been put in place because professionals have concerns about the welfare of your young baby (and any other children that may be involved with you or an ex-partner). Additionally, you are a witness in the pending criminal case which must be an extremely difficult set of circumstances to find yourself in especially when you have mixed thoughts about your own feelings for the baby’s father.

As you have specifically asked about your chances of reuniting with the father of your baby in the future, I am sure you will accept that it will be important that the multi agency network will need to be convinced you have your priorities right first of all. Therefore, can I point out that it is essential that you continue to cooperate with the child protection process, so that professionals are confident you can prioritise your baby’s needs over those of your relationship. Any future decisions about the status of your relationship will be determined on what if any changes have been made and sustained, the level of cooperation by you and the baby’s father, your willingness to seek support offered along with any assessments of risk that will need to be undertaken.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[Flower1108]

It is a very difficult time there is no contact and he is pleading guilty so I'm hoping it will be felt with on the day and I will not need to give evidence. My social worker has been off sick only met her once so have had a different duty officer every time, they have verbally said no contact with kids for now, I would always put my children's needs first I have put myself into the freedom programs and he is doing everything they have suggested I know I need to see change and so do they and would love nothing but my family together and for him to get the help he needs as he is a good man deep down.. I feel like I'm not in control of anything and it all scares me I'm a good mum love my girls to bits I will do everything I can to work with them as I am and to be able to live a normal life again