Parenting assessment session absolutely distraught

[Lovingmummy1991]

Is there anything I can do, my child is in foster care , I've had a positive pre birth assessment the social worker and AP come round to do a session with me on my own, they pulled me to pieces the full hour brought up my ex forcing me into prostitution, I was sexually, physically, mentally, financially abused by him so lost my last child 3 years ago she was adopted I put him away for 15 years they were so insensitive they insinuated I don't love my child because I want to do a full time course to better myself and stay clean as I've had addition problems told me they won't help me work it around contact and will hold it against me brought up my past and all the trauma dropped it on me that I won't have any contact next week as my baby is being taken on holiday (8 weeks old) after an hour of them pulling me to bits and not having one positive thing to say even joking saying don't put anything in my drink when she asked for a glass of water I broke down and said I can't cope with anymore it was triggering my PTSD and asked if ee could stop and resume another day she carried on another ten minutes until I had a panic attack and I asked why they hadn't respected my feelings when I said I couldn't cope with anymore and why they carried on she said oh I thought you were OK again sorry then when they realised I was literally about to have a nervous break down they quickly got up and left I had an anxiety attack and had to ring my probation officer and the samaritans as I was suicidal I've never been so disgusted they were so insensitive pressuring me to tell my mum about what's going on saying the court will if I don't and threatening to tmdiscuss it with my ex which nearly tipped me over the edge as he tortured me I can't believe the state they left me in knowing how vulnerable I potentially was and what I'd been through surely they can't treat me like this what can I do? I'm in shock I've never been made to feel that low before it's seriously set me back please I'm looking for some advice I'm.disgusted and worried as when I was getting worked up they said what happens if your child doesn't conform basically insinuating I'd hurt or shout at my child I'm still in shock someone please help

[Winter25]

Hi Lovingmummy1991,

I've just read your post and my heart absolutely breaks for you. Please take a deep breath. What you experienced was not your fault. You are right to be disgusted, shocked, and distraught. The way those social workers behaved was not just unprofessional; it was a profound abuse of their power, and it is completely unacceptable.

I've been through my own long and difficult battle with social services, so I want to share some things I've learned that might help you feel stronger right now. I created my own pack for my barrister and research laws and i won in my court against them. Now i am helping others!

I broken this down in sections and at bottom drafted an email / letter for you to send. Just change the details where it says to do so

*This Was Not a Real 'Assessment'
First, please know that what they did to you was not a legitimate parenting assessment. A proper assessment is meant to be fair, balanced, and supportive. Its goal is to see your strengths. What you described was an interrogation designed to break you down and provoke a reaction they could use against you. You did not "fail" anything; you were subjected to a psychologically abusive and cruel process.

*They Broke the Law and Their Own Rules
What they did isn't just a matter of being nasty; it's a series of very serious professional and legal breaches.

*Inhuman and Degrading Treatment (A Breach of Your Human Rights - Article 3): When they deliberately triggered your PTSD, ignored your pleas to stop, and continued until you had a panic attack, they caused you "severe mental suffering." The law protects you from this. Leaving you in a suicidal state after causing that breakdown is a grave failure of their duty of care.

*Unlawful Threats and Coercion: Threatening to contact your abusive ex is a malicious act designed to terrorise you. It is a massive safeguarding failure. Telling you that bettering yourself with a college course "will be held against you" is a trap to make you feel hopeless. These are not the actions of professionals; they are the tactics of bullies.

*Breach of Your Right to Family Life (Article 8): Suddenly cancelling contact with your 8-week-old baby is a cruel and disproportionate interference with your right to a family life. It harms the bond between you and your baby, and there is no justification for it.

*Gross Professional Misconduct: The inappropriate joke, the lack of empathy, and especially them walking out and abandoning you when you were in a state of crisis, are all things that Social Work England (the body that regulates social workers) takes extremely seriously.

*What You Can Do Right Now - Your Action Plan
You are in a powerful position because their misconduct was so extreme and you have witnesses (your probation officer and the Samaritans) to the state they left you in. You need to act immediately to protect yourself.

1. Put it in Writing NOW: Send a formal complaint email immediately. This creates a time-stamped record they cannot ignore or deny. Send it directly to the Director of Children's Services at the council.

2. Demand a Different Social Worker: You must state that you will not have any further contact with these two individuals as they have caused you significant psychological harm and you do not feel safe with them.

3. Use Your Witnesses: Ask your probation officer and your GP to also send a formal "letter of concern" to the Director, confirming you contacted them in severe distress after the visit.

Here is a draft of an email you could adapt. Be brave and send it.
==============================
Subject: URGENT: Formal Complaint Regarding Abusive Conduct of Social Workers [Their Names] on [Date]

Dear Director of Children's Services,

I am writing to lodge a formal and urgent complaint regarding the conduct of two of your social workers, [Name 1] and [Name 2], during a "parenting assessment" at my home today, [Date].

Their conduct was not a professional assessment. It was an insensitive and psychologically damaging interrogation that has left me in a state of severe distress. During the hour-long meeting, they:

Repeatedly brought up my past trauma as a victim of extreme domestic violence and sexual exploitation in a non-therapeutic and triggering manner.

Ignored my repeated requests to stop the session when I stated it was triggering my PTSD and that I could not cope.

Continued the session until I suffered a severe panic attack.

Made inappropriate and unprofessional jokes at my expense.

Threatened me with consequences for my child if I did not comply with their demands.

Threatened to contact my violent ex-partner, who is imprisoned for the abuse he inflicted on me.

Suddenly informed me, with no notice, that all contact with my 8-week-old baby is cancelled for next week.

Their actions caused me such profound distress that I became suicidal and had to seek immediate crisis support from my probation officer and the Samaritans. When they saw the state I was in, they abruptly left my home, abandoning me in a vulnerable and dangerous state.

I want to be clear: I am a victim of severe abuse who is working hard to rebuild my life for my child. The behaviour of your staff was not just unprofessional; it was a cruel and deliberate abuse of their power that has caused me a significant psychiatric injury.

I will not have any further contact with these two individuals. I request that you immediately assign a new social worker and manager to my case and launch an urgent investigation into this incident.

Yours sincerely,

[Your Name]
==================
Please, please know that you are not alone. Their behaviour is a reflection of their unfitness to practice, not your fitness as a mother. You have every right to fight back, and what you have described is more than enough to launch a serious investigation.

Stay strong. You can do this.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Is there anything I can do, my child is in foster care , I've had a positive pre birth assessment the social worker and AP come round to do a session with me on my own, they pulled me to pieces the full hour brought up my ex forcing me into prostitution, I was sexually, physically, mentally, financially abused by him so lost my last child 3 years ago she was adopted I put him away for 15 years they were so insensitive they insinuated I don't love my child because I want to do a full time course to better myself and stay clean as I've had addition problems told me they won't help me work it around contact and will hold it against me brought up my past and all the trauma dropped it on me that I won't have any contact next week as my baby is being taken on holiday (8 weeks old) after an hour of them pulling me to bits and not having one positive thing to say even joking saying don't put anything in my drink when she asked for a glass of water I broke down and said I can't cope with anymore it was triggering my PTSD and asked if ee could stop and resume another day she carried on another ten minutes until I had a panic attack and I asked why they hadn't respected my feelings when I said I couldn't cope with anymore and why they carried on she said oh I thought you were OK again sorry then when they realised I was literally about to have a nervous break down they quickly got up and left I had an anxiety attack and had to ring my probation officer and the samaritans as I was suicidal I've never been so disgusted they were so insensitive pressuring me to tell my mum about what's going on saying the court will if I don't and threatening to tmdiscuss it with my ex which nearly tipped me over the edge as he tortured me I can't believe the state they left me in knowing how vulnerable I potentially was and what I'd been through surely they can't treat me like this what can I do? I'm in shock I've never been made to feel that low before it's seriously set me back please I'm looking for some advice I'm.disgusted and worried as when I was getting worked up they said what happens if your child doesn't conform basically insinuating I'd hurt or shout at my child I'm still in shock someone please help

Dear Lovingmummy 1991

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ discussion forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post today. I see that you have already had a response from another poster.

I am sorry that you experienced this treatment from the assessing social worker. From what you described in your post it was unprofessional and exhibited no empathy towards you and, as a result, caused you a lot of distress. You mention that you were on your own for this meeting, had you asked for someone a family member or friend to be with you?

Whilst social workers are able, as part of their assessment, ask about historical information, this should be done sensitively taking account of the person’s needs which from your perspective did not happen and caused harm to you.

The person responding to your post suggested a complaint to the Director of Children’s Services, which I believe is important. It is unlikely he or she would expect social workers in children’s social care to treat a parent in this way.

Children’s services should be supportive and offer appropriate help to someone like you who is trying to address substance misuse. It is a great step for you to embark on turning your life around from the level of abuse you describe that you were subjected and the sentence received by the perpetrator is it seems indicative of the seriousness of what happened to you.

Normally, you can ask for a social worker to be changed but this is not a request that has to be accepted. However, because of the experience you had in this meeting, it is important that you wishes are seriously considered to enable you to work positively with the allocated social worker. You may find it helpful to read our GUIDE about working with social workers.

You may want to make a complaint to Social Work England, social workers professional body, about the individual social worker and their failure to act professionally. Here is their telephone number 0808 196 2274.

You did very well to access support from Samaritans and your probation officer during the period of crisis you were experiencing.

I am including here a link to information on our website relating to complaints , to children’s services should you require more information about making a formal complaint.

I hope the Director of Children’s Services acts decisively once you bring your case to his or her attention.

You may wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers and, if so, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Hope this is useful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie