Issues around contact and SGO

[Qwerty2025]

Hi

I'm looking for help around issues with contact and a SGO

A number of years ago me and my partner were taken to court by the LA because we both had MH conditions that were untreated and it was causing issues in our relationship, after a long drawn out process the judge ruled that although our daughter had never been harmed there was a risk of potential future harm(still to this day that phrase annoys me, neither of us would ever have let her come to any harm)

Anyway once the judge had made that decision we had to decide what we thought was best for her and submit it to the judge, the maternal grandmother had applied for an SGO and passed(barely) but I was massively against it because she had caused a number of issues in our relationship and I had witnessed arguments and fights between my partner and her mum(to the point police had to be called) so I sat with my solicitor and wrote everything down that has happened and was going to fight against the SGO, because I knew if she got the SGO my contact would be minimal.

However just before we went to the judge my partner stopped me and assured me her mum would treat me fairly and to let her get the SGO and my contact would be regular, so I agreed.







It's been 4+ years and my contact is still once every 3, whilst my now ex partner sees her every other weekend (sometimes more on special occasions, birthdays, Christmas, mother's day, I didn't even get a phone call on father's day )

I am not a criminal or a violent offender, I am not an addict there is no reason why my contact should be so limited other than the fact it's an SGO and the maternal grandmother doesn't like me.

I went to my old solicitors who first had this case and they told me because it's an SGO I can't do anything about the contact as it's entirely up to the maternal grandmother, I asked about going back to court for a contact order and they said again because it's an SGO I wouldn't be entitled to Legal Aid

It feels like everything was done and set up to leave me in this situation where I am left desperately trying to see my daughter more but getting no help from anyone especially the person who claims to have her best interests at heart

[Winter25]

Hi Qwerty2025,

I want to start by saying this clearly you have been misled into believing you are powerless, and that belief is exactly what has allowed this situation to continue for four years. You were persuaded to agree to something on the promise of fairness, and the opposite has happened. This isn’t a misunderstanding, it is a misuse of position by the Special Guardian, and it is absolutely challengeable.

The Legal Reality (Not What You Were Told)

A Special Guardianship Order (SGO) does not remove your Parental Responsibility.

It does not give the grandmother unrestricted control.

You can apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order to secure defined contact.

Your solicitor saying “nothing can be done” is not because of the la, it is because Legal Aid is limited, and many firms do not want to take on non-legal aid private cases.

You are not blocked from court. You are being discouraged from using it there is a difference

Why This Is Now a Legal Matter

You have a positive social services report. You have never harmed your daughter. Your contact has remained at the lowest level despite four years of stability. Meanwhile, her mother (who was in the same position as you) has regular time.

This is not safeguarding. This is control. And the law allows you to challenge control where it harms a child’s right to family life.

You said you worry that if you challenge it, she will stop contact entirely. That fear is exactly what keeps fathers trapped. This is very very common

Here is the truth: If she cuts off contact when you attempt to formalise arrangements, she gives you the strongest evidence you could ever present to a court.

It would show the court:

She is acting in her own interests, not your child’s.

She is emotionally manipulating your daughter.

She is not promoting a relationship with the other parent, which is one of her core legal duties under an SGO.

Judges look very dimly on gatekeeping and control. If she reacts badly, it only strengthens your case.

Your Next Steps and i recommend this straight away

Start a written contact log today

Record every visit, every positive interaction, every refusal or last-minute change.

This becomes your evidence.

Send a formal request for Mediation

This shows the court you attempted to resolve this amicably.

When she refuses or blocks it, you get your MIAM certificate and proceed to court.

Be willing to file

You do not need a solicitor to file a C100 (Child Arrangements Order) or C79 (Enforcement).

Thousands of parents do this as Litigants in Person and succeed.

You Are Not Asking for Favour , You Are Enforcing Rights

It is in your daughter’s best interests to have consistent, meaningful time with her father. This is your legal position. You are not asking for more than that, you are asking for what your daughter is entitled to.

Final Note: Due to forum admin restrictions on me as i post lots to help people, I am only allowed to post twice per week to help people now. If you want detailed draft letters (mediation request wording, court application guidance, etc.), feel free to direct message me using the speech bubble icon next to my username. I'm happy to help you build your case step by step.

You have a far stronger position than you think. It's time to reclaim it!
------------------------------------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[Qwerty2025]

Hi Qwerty2025,

I want to start by saying this clearly you have been misled into believing you are powerless, and that belief is exactly what has allowed this situation to continue for four years. You were persuaded to agree to something on the promise of fairness, and the opposite has happened. This isn’t a misunderstanding, it is a misuse of position by the Special Guardian, and it is absolutely challengeable.

The Legal Reality (Not What You Were Told)

A Special Guardianship Order (SGO) does not remove your Parental Responsibility.

It does not give the grandmother unrestricted control.

You can apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order to secure defined contact.

Your solicitor saying “nothing can be done” is not because of the la, it is because Legal Aid is limited, and many firms do not want to take on non-legal aid private cases.

You are not blocked from court. You are being discouraged from using it there is a difference

Why This Is Now a Legal Matter

You have a positive social services report. You have never harmed your daughter. Your contact has remained at the lowest level despite four years of stability. Meanwhile, her mother (who was in the same position as you) has regular time.

This is not safeguarding. This is control. And the law allows you to challenge control where it harms a child’s right to family life.

You said you worry that if you challenge it, she will stop contact entirely. That fear is exactly what keeps fathers trapped. This is very very common

Here is the truth: If she cuts off contact when you attempt to formalise arrangements, she gives you the strongest evidence you could ever present to a court.

It would show the court:

She is acting in her own interests, not your child’s.

She is emotionally manipulating your daughter.

She is not promoting a relationship with the other parent, which is one of her core legal duties under an SGO.

Judges look very dimly on gatekeeping and control. If she reacts badly, it only strengthens your case.

Your Next Steps and i recommend this straight away

Start a written contact log today

Record every visit, every positive interaction, every refusal or last-minute change.

This becomes your evidence.

Send a formal request for Mediation

This shows the court you attempted to resolve this amicably.

When she refuses or blocks it, you get your MIAM certificate and proceed to court.

Be willing to file

You do not need a solicitor to file a C100 (Child Arrangements Order) or C79 (Enforcement).

Thousands of parents do this as Litigants in Person and succeed.

You Are Not Asking for Favour , You Are Enforcing Rights

It is in your daughter’s best interests to have consistent, meaningful time with her father. This is your legal position. You are not asking for more than that, you are asking for what your daughter is entitled to.

Final Note: Due to forum admin restrictions on me as i post lots to help people, I am only allowed to post twice per week to help people now. If you want detailed draft letters (mediation request wording, court application guidance, etc.), feel free to direct message me using the speech bubble icon next to my username. I'm happy to help you build your case step by step.

You have a far stronger position than you think. It's time to reclaim it!
------------------------------------
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Hi Winter25

Thanks for your reply,

It means a lot that you took the time to reply and with so much detail as well, you have given me more help and hope than my solicitors have since court all those years ago.

I will certainly start logging everything around contact(my last contact was actually cancelled at short notice)

And will definitely look into mediation, over the last couple of years I have asked the maternal grandmother a few times if we can increase contact but she keeps saying no and I don't understand why.

Last contact she told me my daughter was anxious before seeing me and that concerned me because during contract she is always so relaxed and we always have fun and she is always laughing, so it makes me wonder why she would suddenly be anxious before seeing me, is it because she isn't seeing me enough or is it because she is being told things about me to make her anxious, unfortunately these are things I don't know.

But your post has given me a lot of things to look into so thanks again for your help in this matter

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Qwerty2025

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation, it must be a difficult and stressful time for you.

You are seeking advice regarding contact with your daughter. A special guardianship order (SGO) was put in place several years ago due to concerns regarding you and your then partner’s mental health needs.

You had concerns about the SGO being granted to the maternal grandmother because of her behaviours towards her daughter and your relationship with her. You were concerned that making contact arrangements to see your daughter would be difficult in the future given your fractured relationship. But following discussions with your ex partner, you decided not to challenge the decision within the court arena and a SGO was subsequently made.

Since this time, you have maintained contact with your daughter at the level it was set at when care proceedings finished. Your ex partner’s contact has increased. You would like to have more contact with your child. You approached the solicitor who supported you during care proceedings for guidance. They told you that there wasn’t anything you could do because contact is at the discretion of the special guardian. The solicitor further informed you that should you wish to take the matter back to court, you would not be entitled to legal aid and would need to navigate the court process by yourself.

The child’s parents keep their parental responsibility after a special guardianship order is made. But special guardians can exercise their parental responsibility to the exclusion of anyone else with parental responsibility. This means that although the special guardian should consult with the parents about important decisions relating to the child, the special guardian can make the final decision. They can make most of the major decisions about the child’s upbringing, such as where they go to school and whom they have contact with. However, that does not mean you cannot challenge those decisions.

The solicitor is correct in respect of legal aid, you are not likely to receive legal aid if you decide to take the matter to court.

In the first instance, if you have not done so already, I would suggest write to the special guardian to explain why you wish to increase contact with your daughter and to ask for a meeting to discuss this. You may wish to set out some proposed contact arrangements at this point or wait until you meet face to face to discuss.

If you feel writing to the special guardian is not a viable option for you and would not be met favourably, you may wish to seek support from a formal family mediator. Family mediators help people find solutions when there are disagreements about arrangements for a child. They are neutral and do not take sides. They keep the discussion very focussed on the child's needs, rather than the adults’ needs. These are trained professionals who help people to hopefully reach agreement when they cannot reach them themselves. I have added a link HERE to the Family Mediation Council which has a facility to find a mediator in your local area. To note, you would need evidence that you have tried mediation when making an application for a child arrangements order.

If people who hold parental responsibility for a child cannot reach an agreement regarding contact, they may wish to consider making an application to court for a child arrangements order. This is a legally binding document which sets out the type and level of contact a child has with another person, in your case, their parent.

Ordinarily unless certain criteria is met, see https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid for guidance, most people will not be entitled to legal aid. However, given the cuts to legal aid the courts are much more used to people representing themselves and many courts understand that most parents are not legal experts, and do not expect legal terminology to be used, just the setting out of facts. I have added a link HERE to an organisation called Child Law Advice. They provide information and guidance regarding this process and helpful ‘how to’ guides that can be downloaded for £2 each.

I have further added HERE a link to Support Through Court. They provide help to people who are navigating court processes without legal representation.

Children’s services may offer parents, or other family members, help with contact. For example, they can help with travel expenses, or other costs associated with taking the child out. Assisting with paying for mediation costs if there are difficulties between the parent and special guardian. But children’s services do not have to provide this help. They will decide whether to help based on an assessment of the parent, the child and the special guardian’s needs for support.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie