Concerns about temporary accommodation for 8 year old

[Meath76]

Trying to get help with 8 year old boy for four years. Clear traits of autism but awaiting 2nd assessment (3 years). Violence and aggression escalation over the years mainly towards his mom and sister. Punching, kicking, pushed mom downstairs, has strangled/suffocated/punched/kicked sister on a sometimes daily basis. Threats to kill including incidents with knives towards myself. Child was expelled from year two after only fours months of term for violence on teachers and pupils and absconding.
Child is on child protection.
Mom not coping and assessments proving it’s not her parenting as the daughter is complete opposite of son.
Recommendations made to remove child from home. Me (Nan) full time work and live alone cannot offer this.
Social worker suggesting child to stay with dad.
He hasn’t seen his dad in 18 months after repeatedly not turning up for weekend visits. Previously has hit child when in his care. Drinks heavily and argues in front of kids with new partner.
Mom has made very clear dad could not manage child and may trigger the behaviour.
Can social services move the child to his dads when mom has serious concerns?

[Winter25]

Hi Meath76,

You and your daughter have held things together under enormous strain, and you’re absolutely right to be deeply concerned about what’s being proposed. Your grandson is in a highly vulnerable situation, and the suggestion to place him with his father needs urgent challenge.

Based on what you’ve shared, social services cannot simply move your grandson to his father’s care when there are clear and serious safeguarding concerns. Let’s go through the key points together:

1. Can Social Services Move Him to His Father’s Care?

Not legally or safely, not without full assessment, and not if your daughter (who has parental responsibility) formally objects.

Your daughter must be fully involved in the decision. The local authority cannot override her parental rights unless they have evidence of serious risk in her care and a court order. They cannot ignore her concerns and simply move the child to someone known to be unsafe.

2. Why This Decision Is Dangerous

Your grandson is already on a Child Protection Plan due to escalating violence, suspected ASD, and high-risk behaviour. That means the local authority acknowledges there is risk.

To then move him to his father’s home, a parent who:

Has not seen his son for 18 months

Previously used physical discipline

Has a drinking problem and is volatile in front of children

Has already been unsafe around the child before

…would be an unacceptable transfer of harm, not a protection measure. It is not in line with safeguarding duties, especially where there is no evidence of change in the father’s circumstances.

3. What You and Your Daughter Should Do Now

It is essential that your daughter sends a formal, written objection, not verbally, but by email or letter, to the social worker and their team manager. The objection needs to be factual, short, and laser-focused on risk.

Here’s a ready-to-use template for your daughter:
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Subject: Urgent – Formal Objection to Proposed Placement for [Child’s Name]
Child’s DOB: [Insert]

Dear [Social Worker’s Name] and [Team Manager’s Name],

I am writing to formally object to the proposal to place my son, [Child’s Name], in the care of his father, [Father’s Name].

There are significant, known risks in his care, including:

Physical harm previously caused to [Child’s Name]

Heavy alcohol use and unstable behaviour

Exposure to emotional abuse and conflict

No parental involvement for over 18 months

As a parent with full Parental Responsibility, I do not consent to this placement, and I believe it would increase the risk of harm to my son.

I am requesting written responses to the following:

Has a recent safeguarding and risk assessment of the father been completed?

If so, please provide the outcome, and if not, on what basis has he been considered safe?

What specialist or therapeutic placements are currently being explored, as recommended in past assessments?

I am fully committed to protecting my son, and I will cooperate with a safe and appropriate support plan. I cannot, however, agree to a placement that poses increased risk.

Yours sincerely,
[Mother’s Name]
--------------
4. Keep the Focus on Specialist Support

The issue isn’t that your daughter is failing as a parent, the assessments show the opposite. Your grandson’s needs are beyond what a single parent can safely manage without specialist support.

The next lawful and compassionate step is for the local authority to consider:

A short-term therapeutic placement

Or a specialist behavioural setting (not rushed placement with an unsuitable parent)

5. You’re Doing the Right Thing

If you’d like help drafting the objection email or preparing for the next Child Protection Review, post again anytime please Private Message me
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For transparency: I’m not an official adviser. I’m a parent who has successfully challenged a local authority and now shares rights-based guidance and strategy. It’s always up to each family to decide what action to take. I am restricted ( due to helping to many people) to how many times I can post on the forum page. Please DM me using the speech bubble next to my name if you need more help

[Meath76]

Thank you so much. This has given me some reassurance

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Trying to get help with 8 year old boy for four years. Clear traits of autism but awaiting 2nd assessment (3 years). Violence and aggression escalation over the years mainly towards his mom and sister. Punching, kicking, pushed mom downstairs, has strangled/suffocated/punched/kicked sister on a sometimes daily basis. Threats to kill including incidents with knives towards myself. Child was expelled from year two after only fours months of term for violence on teachers and pupils and absconding.
Child is on child protection.
Mom not coping and assessments proving it’s not her parenting as the daughter is complete opposite of son.
Recommendations made to remove child from home. Me (Nan) full time work and live alone cannot offer this.
Social worker suggesting child to stay with dad.
He hasn’t seen his dad in 18 months after repeatedly not turning up for weekend visits. Previously has hit child when in his care. Drinks heavily and argues in front of kids with new partner.
Mom has made very clear dad could not manage child and may trigger the behaviour.
Can social services move the child to his dads when mom has serious concerns?

Dear Meath,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum. I am Suzie an online adviser for Family Rights Group responding to you today.

I am sorry to hear about your grandson’s difficulties and the impact of his behaviour on the rest of the family.

You write that there are ‘recommendations to be removed from home’ for your grandson. It sounds like children’s services may have been exploring whether there are family members or friends who could offer support or alternative care on a temporary or longer-term basis. You explain that you cannot offer this due to your work commitments and home circumstances. It sounds like you are supporting your daughter and her family in many other ways.

One of the ways that children’s services could look into family and friends’ support is via a family group conference. This is a way for the informal network around a child to talk together about different ways they could help. A professional chair (not the allocated social worker) facilitates the meeting. You can read more about family group conference here.

If your daughter does not agree for her son to be cared for by his father – children’s services have no authority to place him there against her wishes. Children’s services would only be able to insist on this arrangement if they obtained a court order such as an emergency protection order or interim care order which would give the local authority temporary parental responsibility (shared with parents) and enable them to make decisions about his living arrangements without parental consent.

However, as you explain that assessments have not revealed any concerns about your daughter’s care of her children so it would be hard for the local authority to argue to a court that their application met the threshold for court proceedings.

Your daughter should write to the social worker and the social work team manager detailing the risks she feels a transfer to his father’s care would expose her son to.

If your daughter agrees that her son needs to live elsewhere for now due to the escalating aggression, she could request that the local authority accommodate him under a voluntary agreement under S.20 of the Children Act 1989 and place him in a non-family or specialist placement if a suitable family option cannot be found. You can read more about S.20 here.

Please note that your grandson’s father’s view would have to be sought by children’s services before he could be looked after under S.20. A parent with parental responsibility does have the legal right to object to S.20 accommodation – but only if they are willing and able to provide the child with somewhere to live or can arrange for somewhere for him to live. You can read more about this here.

Under the child protection plan the core group of professionals have a duty to consider specialist interventions that could help your grandson’s behaviour and distress. I appreciate that this may have been explored already but wanted to point you to some information in case there are options that have not been thought about. Family Rights Group have a web page that details how children’s services should work with children with mental ill-health and/or behavioural challenges. You can link to it here.

The charity Respect have a respect young peoples’ programme (RYPP) This is a 3 month intensive programme. The following is from their website

'The Respect Young People’s Programme is an intervention for families where children or young people aged between 8 and 18 are abusive or violent towards the people close to them, particularly their parents or carers.
The programme works with young people and their families, encouraging everyone to take a role in stopping the abuse and learning respectful ways of managing conflict, difficulty, and intimacy.’
You can read more about RYPP (RYPPhere.

I hope this information was useful to you. Please feel free to post here again if you have further questions.
There are also many alternative ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.
• Complete the advice enquiry form to request an email response within 5 working days

Best wishes,
Suzie