Step mother arrested

[Cookiecat]

Hello
My boys new step mother (married 1 month!) has always been an unhinged drinker ( think sweet but a psycho).
My boys have always said there are heated arguments at their dads house in the middle of the night. Oldest son is sure she is violent.
It all came to a head 3 weeks ago when my oldest messaged me begging for me to call the police at 3 in the morning as she was hitting his dad and threatening to kill him, this was not an arguement gone wrong, she had woken him up from sleep to do this. She was subsequently arrested for criminal assault. Bail conditions were dropped with no charge within a week.

Ex husband does not understand why I won't let the boys sleep over with her present. I don't want her to lay eyes on my children. They were very shaken for days.

Now ex husband thinks this is all on me and I am being the bad parent for not letting them stay, although I am not stopping contact, I have said he can take them camping this week as originally planned but he refuses to have them over night unless she is there!! I know my youngest (9) wants to go back to normal but oldest (14) doesn't want to see her at all.

How do we move on from this if he is going to stay married with her and choses her over the boys?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cookiecat

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group and I will respond to your post although it is likely another parent may give their views/experiences.

The matters referred to in your post relate to private family law issues relating to contact which does not fall within the remit of our advice service. I am, however, responding as it is likely children’s services (the new name for social services) will become involved with you and your children. Their involvement will come about because the police were called to their father’s home when there was domestic abuse involved and their stepmother was arrested. It seems the police are taking no further action, but this will not stop children’s services’ involvement if they receive the referral.

You and your children’s father might wish to try family mediation to see if you can reach a resolution without going to court.

Children’s services is likely to have safeguarding concerns for the children. If they do not receive the referral and you wish to discuss your decision not to allow overnight stay in that environment you can do so.

Here is information about children’s services and procedures involved when they receive a referral.

If you decide that no overnight contact can happen then it would be open to your children’s father to apply to the court to request an order allowing this. The children would be asked to give their wishes and feelings regarding such contact. As your eldest is 14 years old, his views will be given more weight and I do think he would not forced to have contact if his expressed wish is not to have contact. If the court makes an order then conditions can be attached to the order.

To get more specific information relating to private family law issues you can contact Child Law Advice here is their website . Advice Now has online information for persons who are or wish to represent themselves in court. Here is their website.

Should children’s services become involved and you wish to speak with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

Hope this is helpful to you.

Best wishes

Suzie