Step mother arrested

[Cookiecat]

Hello
My boys new step mother (married 1 month!) has always been an unhinged drinker ( think sweet but a psycho).
My boys have always said there are heated arguments at their dads house in the middle of the night. Oldest son is sure she is violent.
It all came to a head 3 weeks ago when my oldest messaged me begging for me to call the police at 3 in the morning as she was hitting his dad and threatening to kill him, this was not an arguement gone wrong, she had woken him up from sleep to do this. She was subsequently arrested for criminal assault. Bail conditions were dropped with no charge within a week.

Ex husband does not understand why I won't let the boys sleep over with her present. I don't want her to lay eyes on my children. They were very shaken for days.

Now ex husband thinks this is all on me and I am being the bad parent for not letting them stay, although I am not stopping contact, I have said he can take them camping this week as originally planned but he refuses to have them over night unless she is there!! I know my youngest (9) wants to go back to normal but oldest (14) doesn't want to see her at all.

How do we move on from this if he is going to stay married with her and choses her over the boys?