I made one mistake

[Badkarma27]

I'm going to lose my kids over one incident
I let my emotions get the better of me and lashed out at my ex
I had had enough I dealt with years of abuse from him and just snapped completely
My ex then took my children from me I tried to take him to court to get the children returned to me but social services said in court that they support my ex having the children in his full time care and that I should only have supervised contact with them
I neglected my children's needs by putting my anger towards my ex before their needs
This behaviour is completely out of character for me I can't belive I did it I hate myself for it
Social services are refusing contact with me so I can explain the abuse and violence I was subject to talk to them about my issues and find ways to correct them
I don't know what to do anymore I don't want to lose my kids I really don't they are my absolute world
SS are doing a section 37 due end of Jan and I know full well that they're going to say that the children stay with him regardless of how he has treated them and myself
They have delayed starting the report by 3 weeks already and trying to transfer to exs LA instead causing even more delays
The report is due in 5 weeks surely this assessment can't be rushed and needs adequate time spent on it
My beautiful babies I miss them so much I never meant to let it get this far but it did and I can't change it

How do I fix this I want my children home
I've been the only constant in their life they're dad would dissappear for days or weeks at a time
He never provided financial support and took money from them forcing me into debt and using for banks
He's been violent towards me and the kids on multiple occasions
My daughter has a good relationship with her school counsellor if he gets residence of her She will have to move school and will lose this relationship she's struggling so much the school have concerns about her withdrawn behaviour and showing aggression towards other kids her attendance is really poor too (dad not taking her in)
He's missed hospital appointments too
I get that the abuse towards me is irrelevant to the kids but he's just going to continue this pattern of abuse in another relationship causing them further emotional harm
Other than mental health difficulties I haven't done anything wrong except this one occasion of an angry outburst towards my ex surely one incident doesn't warrant social to be this adamant to take my kids away from me
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[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Badkarma27,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum. My name is Suzie and I will be advising you today. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your family are experiencing. I can see that this is a very distressing time for you.

Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you have been the victim of domestic abuse. You don’t say if you have received any specific support regarding the abuse so you may find it helpful to look on our website here as you will find information about support services and organisations for victims of domestic abuse. You may also find The Freedom Programme helpful.

You say that the children’s father has been violent to you and the children on multiple occasions. Did you report these incidents to the police at the time? If you did not, then you may wish to consider doing so now as this violence is a crime and may be investigated by the police. Information will also be shared by the police to children’s services. This is particularly important if the father has been violent to the children in the past.

You may also wish to consider contacting the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (open 24 hours a day) to request confidential, expert advice, and to access an advocate to support you.

You say that children’s services are refusing to speak with you, however they have been asked to complete a section 37 report which is due at the end of January. They will need to meet with you to discuss your views and for them to make recommendations about the care and contact arrangements for the children. I would suggest that (if you haven’t already) you send in writing your request to meet with the social worker allocated to complete the report, and CC in their manager. If you do not have their email addresses you should call up children’s services and request this.

The final report will need to be filed at court and a copy sent to you or your solicitor. If the assessment is not sufficient (for example if you were not adequately involved in the assessment) then you would be able to ask the court to order children’s services to carry out a further assessment.

You mention that you have some mental health difficulties. I hope that you are getting some support for this, especially during this difficult time? If not then please do consider approaching your GP, or making a referral to your local NHS mental health service. I would encourage you to seek out support wherever you can, through friends and family, or through organisations such as Samaritans if you need someone to talk with.

I hope that this is helpful. Please do post back if you would like any further advice, or you can call our helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie