We received a knock on the door Friday morning from the police. My husband was arrested for sexual communication with a minor. He swears he had no idea the person he was talking to was underage and has been released on bail until they complete a forensic investigation on all his devices.
His bail conditions are to have no unsupervised contact with anyone under 18 so he is currently staying with a friend as we have a 9 year old.
Children’s services called today and said my husband and daughter can talk on the phone / FaceTime as long as I am around to hear the conversation and I will get a call within a week to arrange an appointment for them to visit me.
The police have told me several times that they have no concerns about our daughter. I 99.99% believe him but of course there is a niggling doubt in the back of my mind. I want to maintain as much normality as possible for my daughter but of course make sure she is safe.
I’ve read these things can take months and months to deal with and right now i feel as though he is guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of the police. Is there any chance child services will say he is ok to come back home?
I know it’s only been a couple of days but we just want our lives back!
What happens now?
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UpsetAndStressed
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2023 10:48 am
Re: What happens now?
Social have called today, they are coming on Monday for a meeting.
They are coming on Monday to see me & my daughter. What can I expect from this?
They are coming on Monday to see me & my daughter. What can I expect from this?
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KatKat10
- Posts: 146
- Joined: Fri May 27, 2022 4:40 am
Re: What happens now?
Be polite take notes etc and question everything. Just note these people are not your friends, do not trust them as they twist everything.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: What happens now?
Dear UpsetandStressed,
Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.
You say that your husband was arrested for sexual communication with a minor. He is denying the alleged offence and has been released on bail until further investigations take place. His bail conditions are to have no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18 and he is currently staying with a friend as you have a 9 year old child. Children's services are now involved and have approved supervised telephone/video contact between your husband and daughter. You are expecting a visit from the social worker and would like to know what you can expect. You are also worried about how long this process may take and whether there is a chance your husband can return home.
Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the situation you are experiencing - this must be unsettling and distressing for you and your daughter.
Given the nature of the offence that your husband has been arrested for, it is likely that children's services will want to complete an assessment. This may be a child in need assessment which will look at whether a child or their family may need extra support. The social worker will look at your child's needs and your family's situation, including the strengths and risks. The social worker will want to speak to you, your husband, your child, and any other significant professionals and people in your child's life. You can read more about this here. Following a child in need assessment, the social worker will recommend whether children's services need to remain involved. They may refer your family to early help, or recommend a child in need plan.
In some cases, children's services will conduct an assessment known as section 47 or child protection enquiries. This happens when they are worried that your child may have suffered significant harm or is at risk of significant harm. You can read more about what to expect from child protection enquiries here. Sometimes, this kind of assessment will result in an initial child protection conference, which is a multiagency meeting used to decide whether the child should be placed on a child protection plan.
You say that your husband is now on bail. The police will continue their investigation and will make a decision about whether to charge him. The outcome of this investigation may inform children's services assessment, but it is important to keep in mind that even if the police do not take this further, children's services may continue to remain concerned about the initial arrest and the impact/risk this poses to your daughter. It is important that you ask the social worker to explain to you why they may be concerned and why they are conducting an assessment. They will expect you to act in a protective capacity and to put your child's best interests first.
In regards to your husband having contact with your daughter, he will have to abide by his bail conditions. If he would like to be considered for face to face contact, he should ask the social worker about this, and the social can risk assess him for supervised contact. If this is deemed to be safe enough and in your daughter's best interests, it is likely to take place in a contact centre, or he may want to put forward another adult to supervise.
Once/if your husband's bail conditions change to allow him to move back into the home, children's services may continue to recommend that he stay elsewhere. This is not legally enforceable, however, if your husband moves back in against their recommendations, they may escalate their level of involvement. Again, your husband may wish to ask the social worker to risk assess him prior to moving back in. The social worker may outline steps he can take to progress towards this, such as engaging with certain courses/services.
I would also just like to mention in response to another poster's reply, that it is in the best interests of you and your child for you to work effectively with children's services during the assessment period. Children's services have a statutory duty to act to safeguarding children in your area. Currently, they are involved in with your family to see whether there is a role for them and what steps need to be taken to ensure your child is safe. From your post, it is clear that this is something that is important to you.
You may also find it helpful to contact Lucy Faithful, who advise relatives of those who have been accused on online sex related crimes, on 0808 1000 900.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.
You say that your husband was arrested for sexual communication with a minor. He is denying the alleged offence and has been released on bail until further investigations take place. His bail conditions are to have no unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18 and he is currently staying with a friend as you have a 9 year old child. Children's services are now involved and have approved supervised telephone/video contact between your husband and daughter. You are expecting a visit from the social worker and would like to know what you can expect. You are also worried about how long this process may take and whether there is a chance your husband can return home.
Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the situation you are experiencing - this must be unsettling and distressing for you and your daughter.
Given the nature of the offence that your husband has been arrested for, it is likely that children's services will want to complete an assessment. This may be a child in need assessment which will look at whether a child or their family may need extra support. The social worker will look at your child's needs and your family's situation, including the strengths and risks. The social worker will want to speak to you, your husband, your child, and any other significant professionals and people in your child's life. You can read more about this here. Following a child in need assessment, the social worker will recommend whether children's services need to remain involved. They may refer your family to early help, or recommend a child in need plan.
In some cases, children's services will conduct an assessment known as section 47 or child protection enquiries. This happens when they are worried that your child may have suffered significant harm or is at risk of significant harm. You can read more about what to expect from child protection enquiries here. Sometimes, this kind of assessment will result in an initial child protection conference, which is a multiagency meeting used to decide whether the child should be placed on a child protection plan.
You say that your husband is now on bail. The police will continue their investigation and will make a decision about whether to charge him. The outcome of this investigation may inform children's services assessment, but it is important to keep in mind that even if the police do not take this further, children's services may continue to remain concerned about the initial arrest and the impact/risk this poses to your daughter. It is important that you ask the social worker to explain to you why they may be concerned and why they are conducting an assessment. They will expect you to act in a protective capacity and to put your child's best interests first.
In regards to your husband having contact with your daughter, he will have to abide by his bail conditions. If he would like to be considered for face to face contact, he should ask the social worker about this, and the social can risk assess him for supervised contact. If this is deemed to be safe enough and in your daughter's best interests, it is likely to take place in a contact centre, or he may want to put forward another adult to supervise.
Once/if your husband's bail conditions change to allow him to move back into the home, children's services may continue to recommend that he stay elsewhere. This is not legally enforceable, however, if your husband moves back in against their recommendations, they may escalate their level of involvement. Again, your husband may wish to ask the social worker to risk assess him prior to moving back in. The social worker may outline steps he can take to progress towards this, such as engaging with certain courses/services.
I would also just like to mention in response to another poster's reply, that it is in the best interests of you and your child for you to work effectively with children's services during the assessment period. Children's services have a statutory duty to act to safeguarding children in your area. Currently, they are involved in with your family to see whether there is a role for them and what steps need to be taken to ensure your child is safe. From your post, it is clear that this is something that is important to you.
You may also find it helpful to contact Lucy Faithful, who advise relatives of those who have been accused on online sex related crimes, on 0808 1000 900.
Best wishes,
Suzie.
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UpsetAndStressed
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2023 10:48 am
Re: What happens now?
Children’s services have been absolutely cr@p in my opinion. They talk to me & my daughter, say they think contact would be good for everyone - they even tell my daughter that they will organise so she can see her dad again. Speak to my husband, again reaffirm they are going to recommend contact & that I will supervise. I’m waiting for them to tell me how this all works in reality and she turns up today saying I can’t supervise & I need to find a 3rd party that will supervise for a couple of hours a week.
Why the lies? What good does it do anyone telling us one thing & then completely changing it a couple of days later??
I have emailed the social worker and requested that she reconsiders the decision and that I am more than capable of keeping my daughter safe regardless of my husband’s innocence or guilt. I don’t know what steps I can take from here. But I am beyond frustrated with the whole system right now!!
Why the lies? What good does it do anyone telling us one thing & then completely changing it a couple of days later??
I have emailed the social worker and requested that she reconsiders the decision and that I am more than capable of keeping my daughter safe regardless of my husband’s innocence or guilt. I don’t know what steps I can take from here. But I am beyond frustrated with the whole system right now!!
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greenfairy
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2022 11:48 pm
Re: What happens now?
Hi UpsetandStressed, I am sorry to hear what you are going through.
Just a warning, these investigations can take years.
My husband has been arrested for making/distributing indecent images on KIK in July last year and no outcome so far. I have spoken to other ladies that are already almost 2 years in with no outcome.
About social service: I would make clear to them that you understand he is a risk and to explain how your kids will be kept safe when he's around. The more protective you are, the more contact they will allow you between your partner and your kids
Just a warning, these investigations can take years.
My husband has been arrested for making/distributing indecent images on KIK in July last year and no outcome so far. I have spoken to other ladies that are already almost 2 years in with no outcome.
About social service: I would make clear to them that you understand he is a risk and to explain how your kids will be kept safe when he's around. The more protective you are, the more contact they will allow you between your partner and your kids
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Need help 2021
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2021 9:23 pm
Re: What happens now?
Hi I just saw your post and yes green fairy is right the more you tell them you understand the risk and that you can be a protective parent they are happy my case started in 2019 and just finished in January 2023 it is a long journey and it’s not easy my husband was also arrested for indecent images which was on a whats app group mixed with adult stuff he was charged and he is on the register for 10 years and had to do unpaid work and socail don’t want us to say together even he is a low risk so I have had to become the protactive parent and say I will leave him and put my son first so now I can supervise contact and decide when my son can see his dad unsupervised which Lucy faithfull said between 7 and 8 years old will be fine .
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UpsetAndStressed
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2023 10:48 am
Re: What happens now?
I have half managed to get to the bottom of it I think but it still makes absolutely zero sense in my opinion.
My husband has maintained his innocence, the police and social think he’s guilty (but he’s still not been charged) and because he won’t tell them what they want to hear they don’t like it.
I have told them that I understand that he could be lying to us all and he could be guilty and I will do anything it takes to keep my daughter safe but that not seeing him is upsetting her and some contact is important.
They said if he was ‘truthful’ about the situation then I could supervise but as he’s not I can’t.
I don’t know why his innocent or guilt would make the difference in my ability to supervise or not?
The social worker keeps telling me it’s her manager that makes these decisions not her, so I have asked the manager to call me as I don’t think having her as a go between is helping. I should hear from the manager tomorrow so we shall see what is said.
My husband has maintained his innocence, the police and social think he’s guilty (but he’s still not been charged) and because he won’t tell them what they want to hear they don’t like it.
I have told them that I understand that he could be lying to us all and he could be guilty and I will do anything it takes to keep my daughter safe but that not seeing him is upsetting her and some contact is important.
They said if he was ‘truthful’ about the situation then I could supervise but as he’s not I can’t.
I don’t know why his innocent or guilt would make the difference in my ability to supervise or not?
The social worker keeps telling me it’s her manager that makes these decisions not her, so I have asked the manager to call me as I don’t think having her as a go between is helping. I should hear from the manager tomorrow so we shall see what is said.
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Need help 2021
- Posts: 174
- Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2021 9:23 pm
Re: What happens now?
The issue is if he didn’t be honest and they find out he is lieing it’s not going to look good at all you have to say to socail you will supervise contact in public untill you don’t k ow if he is guilty or not or if they can arrange contact centre like they did for me for 1 1/2 year
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UpsetAndStressed
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Jan 07, 2023 10:48 am
Re: What happens now?
I get that if he’s guilty it won’t help his case down the line but it doesn’t affect my ability to keep my daughter safe. I would be more than happy to supervise in public or at home but they are saying I can’t supervise at all because he won’t say he’s guilty.
I get they want to keep kids safe but whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
I get they want to keep kids safe but whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?
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