Just looking for advice

[Bigjuice]

My husband has been arrested and bailed with conditions not to contact me or my son.
My son is 17 and has high functioning autism.
I'm worried sick about social services getting involved and keep finding different answers.
Because of his age some say they won't but others say they may do because of his autism.
Please, any advice is very appreciated
Thank you

[Need help 2021]

Hi if you don’t mind me asking you why did you husband get arrested what was the reason ?

[Bigjuice]

Hi, I don't mind at all..
He's never hit me or threatened me but controls with moods and smashes things.
I called the police after he smashed my kitchen plates and shouted in my face.
My son was there at the time which is what made me phone the police.
They said he could be charged with common assault and maybe sexual assault after I did a questionnaire with them about our relationship.
I didn't officially put in a statement because of our adult kids pressuring me not to.
My son does want to see his dad so I'm also worried about the bail being extended and not allowing this.
Thank you

[Need help 2021]

I will be honest with they will inform socail and tell them to do an risk assessment to make sure your son is safe and they will want to make sure that you can protect him from the dad and how you can protect yourself the police will inform them and they’re I’ll probably speck to your son to to ask what has happened.

[Bigjuice]

Thank you for the reply,could you tell me how long it takes for SS to get in touch? It's 3 weeks this week and I've had calls from a IDVA and discussed a safety plan but haven't had any contact from SS yet.
Thank you again

[Need help 2021]

With my case it took 2 months it depends how serious it is to be honest and you need to show them you will choose you son over your husband they will back of the if you make excuses for him they will have concerns.

[Curlyone]

Hi,
If its been 3 weeks, I really wouldn't worry to much about them contacting you, the exact same thing happened to my sister, my niece was 17 and my nephew 20 (he has BPD but obviously an adult) her husband punched a hole through the wall during an argument (I think he used an hammer) and my nephew called the police. She was told that they would refer but she might not hear anything due to niece being 3 months from 18, she never heard a thing just the calls from domestic abuse support and victim support.
Can I ask if your son ever had a 'child in need plan?' If he did then I'm sure you would have heard something by now as most DA cases are called/dealt with within a week if he was previously known, the name would have flagged up.
I would say if you don't hear anything in the next 2 weeks, you won't hear anything at all. If you do, just be honest with them, I doubt you will have 'heavy' involvement from them albeit to your sons age, they cease involvement as soon as a child becomes 18. Don't worry and be honest if needs be

[KatKat10]

I was going to post something similar along the lines, that as your son is 17 they may not get too involved. Although they might class your son as a vulnerable young adult when over 18 and refer to adult services? Do you get any current help or support from your local authority to help you with your son?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

My husband has been arrested and bailed with conditions not to contact me or my son.
My son is 17 and has high functioning autism.
I'm worried sick about social services getting involved and keep finding different answers.
Because of his age some say they won't but others say they may do because of his autism.
Please, any advice is very appreciated
Thank you

Dear Bigjuice

Welcome to the Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see from your posts that you are worried about children’s services potential involvement with your family. Also, you have had some support from posters who have given you the benefit of their experience with children’s services.

I am going to give you advice regarding the various questions you asked in your post. Your husband has been arrested and is currently on bail with conditions not to contact you or your son. This, in a way, remove the urgency for children services, as your husband the perpetrator is not in the home. The reason children’s services have not been in touch with you, maybe because the safeguarding concerns for your son is reduced now.

Just to explain, children services once they received the referral from the police, would have decided what action they will take, and it may be that a social worker has not yet been allocated to your case and therefore there's been a delay in getting in touch with you. The fact that your son is 17 would not stop children services becoming involved because he is still a child who needs to be safeguarded. In addition, he has a disability and that would also give rise to concerns about his safety and wellbeing.

I have included a link to information on our website about what happens when children's services receive a referral. This explains the procedure that is followed, I hope that it will give you some clarity about the process.

Children's services will have concerns about the domestic violence in your relationship with your husband and the fact that you were and unwilling to make a formal statement about situation. It is helpful that you have been referred and have an advert to support you now. depending on the level of the domestic violence within your home comet you say that your husband has never hit you but his behaviour towards you video son is still likely to be seen as abusive and not a good environment for your son. Children services will want to satisfy themselves that you are able to be protective of your son, from your action in calling the police shows that he will take appropriate action. It maybe children services want your husband if he is to return to the home to engage with perpetrator programme and to address his anger management anger issues that he might have. You are worried about your husbands bai being extended because your sounds wish not to speak to his father. I am not able to comment on this as this is a matter for the police.

The description you have given of your husband's behaviour suggest that there are issues likely to be a concern to children’s services, his control and anger as well as his mood. They will be concerned also if you try to minimise his behaviour and its impact on you. Whilst I can understand that your adult children may not want you to make a statement, is this because of concern for you or worry how their father might respond. They have lived with you both and his behaviour maybe something they have come to accept so they don’t upset him. Have you considered that he might hurt you rather than just break something, he was breaking things, shouted in your face, which you say is his usual behaviour, but it seems to have frightened you enough to call the police.

It is correct that the level of involvement might be less than for a younger child because your son’s wishes and feelings is given appropriate weight but it does not mean that children’s services will not have safeguarding concerns. He is still a child and children’s services have a duty to ensure he is safe..

Children’s services might discuss the safety plan with you when they make contact and if it satisfy them it will keep your son safe it they might close the case. Although it has been 3 weeks, as I mentioned earlier there is no likelihood of immediate harm with the bail conditions in place. You can wait to be contacted or contact children’s services yourself to ask how they intend to proceed.

I think you may find it help full to read information from our website about domestic violence. Here is the link

I hope this is helpful. Should you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays)

Best wishes

Suzie