Advice please - Friend on SOR

[Ducktales]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place to post or not so please forgive me if not.

A friend of mine is on the SOR and also still on license from prison, after serving 7 out of a 13 year sentence for rape and now has 5 years on license, whilst they had no recoletction of the office, all of the evidence added up and therefore he felt he could not plead not guilty and so pleaded guilty. He has a son of his own who he is allowed to see, he was born 2 years before he was sent to prison.

So, he has been out for a year now and we have become really close, nothing has happened but we often talk about how we would like it to. The issue we have is that I have 2 children, a 20 year old daughter and 11 yr old son. My friend has been to my house a couple of times, but not when my kids have been there as we know that this won't be allowed. As we are only friends we have not told his PO, however I would like to do things properly, although not sure my ex would be pleased with this situation. And so,i have a couple of questions please:

1. If we told his PO - what would CS do
2. Could we start a relationship, informing his PO, but stating that he doesnt come to my house when my children are here
3. When his license ends, could we live together, even though my son will be under 18 still

He has no other history of violence or sexual offences, he works full time, has a fab job in fact and is doing everything he should be. I am just trying to work out what's what.

Any advice would be really helpful please.

[Toughlife]

Hi
I am on sor as well. You can pm me if that is okay. I have a few questions to ask you if you don’t mind.
Thanks

[Ducktales]

Hi Toughlife, I am not sure I know how to send a DM - can you send me one so I can reply please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ducktales,

Thank you for your post.

You say that your friend is on the sex offenders register. He is also on licence from prison after serving a 7 out of a 13 year sentence. He has 5 years left on licence. He has a son that he sees. You have 2 children – a 20 year old and an 11 year old. You say that nothing has happened yet between you and your friend but that you would both like it to. He has been to your house without your children there and you have not informed his probation officer of this. You say you would like to do things ‘properly’ but do not think your ex-partner would be please with the situation. You say he has no other convictions. To answer your questions:

1. Your friend may have licence conditions or may be subject to a sexual harm prevention order which requires him to disclose to his probation officer if he enters into a relationship with someone who has children. There may also be restrictions on where he can stay or who he can spend time with. His probation offer may make a referral to children’s services. Children’s may then open an assessment. The extent of their involvement will depend on the risk they think your friend may pose to your children and how safe they feel the children are if he were to be in your lives.

2. You could do this – however, children’s services may still become involved. Children’s services may be concerned about your choice of partner and the impact this could have on your children. Again, your friend will need to discuss with his probation officer whether this aligns with his licence conditions and what steps, if any, the probation officer may have to take.

3. If you choose to live with your friend after his licence ends, children’s services may still be involved. If they think your friend poses a significant risk to your son, they are likely to advise that he does not move in. If you and your friend decide not to follow this recommendation, they may initiate child protection enquiries, or in the most extreme cases, make an application to the court for shared parental responsibility of your son.

I hope this has answered your questions. If you and your friend decide to enter into a relationship, I would advise that he abide by his licence conditions and that he is open and honest with his probation officer. The safety and wellbeing of your children must take top priority and the professionals around you will expect you to act in a protective capacity as the children’s parent.
You mention that your ex-partner may not be too please about any future relationship with this person. I am assuming he is the children’s father. Bear in mind that if he thinks the children are at risk, he may apply to the courts for any child under 16 that you have together to live with him.

You may also find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithful organisation on 0808 1000 900, who advise those who are related/involved with people who have committed sex-related offences.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[Ducktales]

Hi Suzie

Thank you for getting back to me on this, it all makese sense.

I do have one other question though, if CS were to get involved, how would this work? Would they inform me first or go straight to speak to my son without my knowledge?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ducktales

Thank you for posting again and I am pleased you found the earlier response helpful.

In answer to your question, if children’s services receive a referral from probation, a social worker would contact you first and is likely to speak with your youngest son on his own this could be at school or at home.

Please read this information from our website which explains what happens when children’s services receive a referral.

Hope you will find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie