Ok, so my husband was arrested s year ago of possesion of IIOC. Id have put my life on him never doing anything like that. He initially lied and said there might be one or 2 images accidentally opened in a work chat. Fast forward a year. He was charged and given a court date. I found out when he was charged he started a new relationship with another woman behind my back. Her husband found me on facebook to tell me.
I kicked him out. As i was disposing of his belongings i found his charge sheet. 4 offences cat A,B,C and prohobitted. I went to court and watched him plead guilty. He is now waiting to go to crown court next month.
He has moved on with his life. Left me and the kids (13 and 15) hes not paid a penny. Im so bitter, i am struggling i cant have a night out, im left with all the bills, responsibility and difficult conversations whilst hes out with his girlfriend staying in hotels and eating out every night. She knows the lot... left a 30 year relationship and 4 kids.
How to i move on when my life has been destroyed. How will i ever trust again. He was the love of my life. I hate he can cut us off and be happy when hes done so wrong.
IIOC how do you move on
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4996
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: IIOC how do you move on
Dear Lookingforward
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. Your husband is awaiting sentencing for online child sexual offences. You have had to deal with the shock of this. You have had to adapt to changing circumstances in your family life. Your marriage is under pressure and you are separated. Your husband is not supporting you or your children financially. He is in a new relationship with another woman, a mother of four. I can understand how distressing and devastating this is for you. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband is responsible for his own behaviour and the consequences including possibly a custodial sentence and registration on the sex offenders’ register. However, you and your children are also victims of your husband’s offending which significantly impacts on you too.
There are several organisations and peer support groups which I hope will be able to offer you the support and understanding that you are seeking. They will reassure you that you are not responsible for your husband’s behaviour and that you are not alone. There is also a charity that can offer specialist support to the children of imprisoned sex offenders. Please see details of these services below:
• Talking Forward
• Stop it Now helpline
• Stop it Now Family and Friends Forum
• Children Heard and Seen.
If you need any emotional support for yourself or the children your GP is also always a good option. And there are additional support services to be found in these useful links.
Family Rights Group advises families where children’s services are involved. You have not asked any questions or mentioned social work involvement. However, as you have children, children’s services should have been notified and involved when your husband was first arrested to assess your children’s needs and to ensure that they were safe. They will also often become involved when a person is convicted and sentenced to confirm that there is a suitable safety plan in place. You imply that your husband is no longer involved with the children but if he is then this needs to be safely managed.
You also mention that your husband is now in a relationship with a mother but that she has left her children. Again their welfare would be a concern for children’s services in view of your husband’s sexual offending.
If you do have any questions about children’s services then please post again, call our freephone advice line (0808 8010366,Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm) or use our advice enquiry or webchat facility.
You may want to get legal advice or financial advice about your situation too. Advice Now has a range of information for separating parents including around financial issues. The Child Maintenance Service sets out what a parent’s financial responsibilities are if they are not living with their children.
I hope that this is helpful.
Other parents on this forum who have gone through similar experiences may also post or contact you to offer you support or advice.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.
I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. Your husband is awaiting sentencing for online child sexual offences. You have had to deal with the shock of this. You have had to adapt to changing circumstances in your family life. Your marriage is under pressure and you are separated. Your husband is not supporting you or your children financially. He is in a new relationship with another woman, a mother of four. I can understand how distressing and devastating this is for you. You have done nothing wrong. Your husband is responsible for his own behaviour and the consequences including possibly a custodial sentence and registration on the sex offenders’ register. However, you and your children are also victims of your husband’s offending which significantly impacts on you too.
There are several organisations and peer support groups which I hope will be able to offer you the support and understanding that you are seeking. They will reassure you that you are not responsible for your husband’s behaviour and that you are not alone. There is also a charity that can offer specialist support to the children of imprisoned sex offenders. Please see details of these services below:
• Talking Forward
• Stop it Now helpline
• Stop it Now Family and Friends Forum
• Children Heard and Seen.
If you need any emotional support for yourself or the children your GP is also always a good option. And there are additional support services to be found in these useful links.
Family Rights Group advises families where children’s services are involved. You have not asked any questions or mentioned social work involvement. However, as you have children, children’s services should have been notified and involved when your husband was first arrested to assess your children’s needs and to ensure that they were safe. They will also often become involved when a person is convicted and sentenced to confirm that there is a suitable safety plan in place. You imply that your husband is no longer involved with the children but if he is then this needs to be safely managed.
You also mention that your husband is now in a relationship with a mother but that she has left her children. Again their welfare would be a concern for children’s services in view of your husband’s sexual offending.
If you do have any questions about children’s services then please post again, call our freephone advice line (0808 8010366,Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm) or use our advice enquiry or webchat facility.
You may want to get legal advice or financial advice about your situation too. Advice Now has a range of information for separating parents including around financial issues. The Child Maintenance Service sets out what a parent’s financial responsibilities are if they are not living with their children.
I hope that this is helpful.
Other parents on this forum who have gone through similar experiences may also post or contact you to offer you support or advice.
Best wishes
Suzie
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Glagal1965
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2023 7:03 am
Re: IIOC how do you move on
I understand why you are bitter about the situation. It's very difficult when the actions of those we once loved destroy everything they touch and the impact it has on those around them. The powerless feelings can be overwhelming but the only way for peace is detachment, walk away, forgive him and yourself. You cannot change him but you can choose the path that you find yourself on. Choose to be happy and free from the pain that surrounds him.
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