What are my rights?

[MC1704]

Just after a bit of advice. My husband was arrested last summer for an online sexual offence. Bail conditions were put in place- no unsupervised access to our daughter and he wasn’t allowed to live at the house. Social services were initially involved, did an assessment and closed the case. Fast forward 10 months, the police investigation is over, he pleaded guilty to a public order offence. He has not been given any sentence, he has a community order, no criminal record, not been placed on the sex offenders register and bail conditions have been lifted. The offence was a conversation, it didn’t involve any pictures or images, it was purely a conversation. Social services are breathing down my neck/boardering on harassing me because he wants to move back home and/or have unsupervised access to our daughter. Even though bail conditions have been lifted they have been to the house to see any evidence of him living here, they are classing our daughter as being at high risk of harm (child in need). They seem to be ignoring the fact that he had undergone an investigation and has been cleared. Where do I stand in relation what rights social services now have and them telling me what I can and can’t do?

[Skysie98]

Hi

Unfortunately social services don't work like police or probation

Even though your partner has not been put on the register or anything like that. He's still committed a sexual offence and therefore they will be concerned about your daughters saftey.

All you can do is work with them. And try your best to show you understand their concerns.

Lucy Faithfull run a inform course you can do.

I also used StopSo for safeguarding therapy (although you have to pay)

I lost my daughter for 18 months to them Unfortunately
She's now home and my partner is allowed to move back in over a year. But he's also done a lot of work and has lowered his risk to our daughter.

Just ensure you are keeping her safe and listening to them but also educate yourself.

Hope this helps.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear MC1707,
Thank you for your post on the parent’s forum. My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser responding to your post today.

You write that your husband was arrested and bailed last year for an online sexual offence, and later pleaded guilty to a public order offence, and has been given a community order.

You have received a useful explanation in the reply from another forum user about the differences in the way police and children’s services work and the different questions they are considering.
If children’s services receive any information that leads them to believe that a child has experienced or could be at risk of significant harm to a child, they have a legal duty to look into the matter.
So, children’s services have to consider whether your husband poses a risk to your daughter as he has committed an online sexual offence.

You ask where you stand in terms of children’s services ‘telling you what you can and can’t do.’
You write that your child is on a child in need plan which means that children’s services have decided they can work with you on a voluntary basis as a protective parent. They will aim to collaborate with you to ensure that your child is safe at home. Although a child in need plan is voluntary, if you were to withdraw before children’s services are confident that your daughter is safe in your care, child protection procedures (which are not voluntary) could possibly be considered.
You can read more about child in need plans here
It’s important that you ask the social worker to keep you informed about how s/he plans to work with you and how risks and protective factors in your family are going to be assessed and updated. You should also ask for referrals/recommendations to support agencies and programmes for both you and your husband so that you can develop your awareness of the risk and help you both work to address them.

Stopso aims to prevent harmful sexual behaviour through therapy. It may be useful for your husband to read about their resources here

The Lucy Faithfull Foundation is a charity that works to prevent child sexual abuse and exploitation. They offer a range of services which you can read about here
Inform is a programme for families of people who have offended online and Parents Protect has resources and information on how to protect children.

I am also sending you the Family Rights Group guide to working with social workers which may help in your conversations with children’s services and get the best support so that your family can respond to the current challenges. You can read the guide here

I hope this information and advice was useful to you. Please post back if you have further queries or comments. If you prefer you can call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, use our webchat or advice enquiry facilities.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[MC1704]

Hi Suzie

Thanks for replying. My husband has been seeing a private councillor through stopso since last August. My problem is with the professionalism and aggressiveness of social services. I don’t like the fact they have been expressing their personal opinions on what he did and they have never explained to me what a child in need plan is. They have been very clever in drip feeding me all the negative things and keeping positive things from me. Are social services allowed to say things like “the messages he sent are disgusting”. When I asked what a community order is they said “don’t know google it yourself”. A social worker turned up on my doorstep with no notice on Wednesday evening just because my daughter said in school that she was playing teddies with her dad.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear MC1704

Thanks for your updating post.

I am sorry that children’s services did not explain properly what a child in need plan is. I hope that the links I provided in my previous response will have helped clarify that this is a plan whereby children’s services offer support and services to a child/family due to an identified need. In your situation, this relates to your husband’s offence. It is good to hear that he has already engaged with a specialist programme via StopSO which I hope he is finding useful.

I will also include an explanation of a community order from the Stop it Now website for clarity, as you this was not explained to you:

A community order is an order to serve the sentence for the offence in the community under the supervision of the National Probation Service. A community order would usually be given with a condition to attend a community based treatment programme such as the Internet Sex Offender Treatment Programme (I-SOTP) or the community Sex Offender Treatment Programme (SOTP). A community order can come with other conditions as well such as unpaid community work and curfew orders. However, with regard to sexual offences the most likely condition would be to attend a treatment programme. Community orders tend to be given for at least 2 years, in order to allow the offender to complete a rehabilitation programme within the community during the life of the order (but can be for a maximum of 3 years). Not all offenders will be suitable for the treatment programmes so they would be assessed on an individual basis. The probation officer does not have control over an offender’s accommodation, employment or who they have contact with in the same way as if the offender were on Licence.

I hope this is helpful.

You had a recent unplanned visit from your daughter’s social worker as school reported that your daughter said she had been playing teddies with her dad. I can understand that this may have been very distressing for you. However, in the circumstances, it is reasonable that the social worker responded to this information by doing a home visit to check on your daughter’s welfare and that you and your husband are complying with the current supervised contact arrangements. It sounds as if your daughter was safe and well when visited as you do not mention any further action by children’s services. However, if the social worker remained concerns or suggested that they may escalate their involvement with your daughter then please seek further advice.

You are finding children’s services’ involvement aggressive and unprofessional. I hope that the suggestions provided in the guide to working with a social worker in my last response will help you manage the working relationship with them. As your husband has committed a sexual offence against a child, they take must take this seriously. They are working with you to minimise any risk of harm to your daughter and to enhance your protective capacity. You are cooperating but finding it hard. It is important that you try to continue to do so.

However, I wonder if you would benefit from some peer support for partners of offenders. Please see this link to Talking Forward which offers this service. Also if you feel that you would like some emotional support as a mother due to the current pressures in your family life, then you may be interested in the services offered by Family Line.

If you need further advice, then please post again, or contact the advice service via one of the options linked to here.

Best wishes

Suzie

[needhelpme]

Hey there ,

I am new at this and never thought I’d ever be writing or needing any of this help ever but also here i am.

Ok so I am on bail - with 3 restrictions
- Can't work with under 18's ( problem as i work in a college)
- cant go anywhere (outside of normal life) where there are U18's
- cant live or stay at my home - I have a son 5yo

Arrested for Obscene communications - chat about U18's and such awful filth - no one real and all just rubbish and made up and often not even as me but a woman and another person. none the less un acceptable and out of order.

Got the knock (well arrested at my work) released that afternoon.

Ok so they have taken my laptop (will be 100% clean) and my phone - yes here it comes xxx app!! Christ I wish this thing had been destroyed so it can't keep being used and being abused by so many and ruining lives everywhere. I have never saved or stored or shared anything on my phone off this app - I have always deleted all chats as well as deactivated the profiles.
Firstly such a mix of answers out there whether thay can or will find anything??? Advice please ?

I used the APP habitually, joining groups and looking for xxx in groups of wife chat or sharing , taboo filth ( kinky not illegal ) but as I am starting to see and understand now it all leads to bad bad places.
I was horrified in every way and knew that even with my obsession to thrills and addiction to porn this was not for me and I am not a you know what. I know in some eyes I will be and that’s my cross to bare. I felt awful and deleted app the messages and the profile. I would then not go back for a on time.
However, once I had deleted all and gone away my addiction to sex and porn had me back on the app and I would once again be on groups looking for the next kick or strand of filth. This was always stuff that is questionable but not Illegal or of U18.
Often i would feel so bad i would deactivate and delete chats and app ect and not go back at all but then there would be times I would be on this thing throughout my working day or on holiday and always trying to scratch that itch. This is why I am now talking with SAA and getting some help from STOP IT NOW and STOP SO. In have had an awful relationship with porn for most of my adult life and this had led me to this truly terrible place.

Since the knock and our world thrust into the abyss I am starting my journey of understanding and delving into the issues here. Things I have been sent and seen on xxx made me sick to the core and physically puke and cry.
Why did I pick that APP back up? well I’m starting to see it’s about my addiction and obsession with porn and sex. I am now starting to talk with SAA and other people in my situation and see what the hell is wrong with me over the last 10 or maybe even 20 years.

My questions please are –

SS have visited and are coming and are at present happy for my wife to have him. I get to see him supervised- my wife is all alone right now trying to work parent and deal with this terrible situ. She doesn’t want to tell anyone as to protect our family and friends and so to preserve our son’s future.
Q - Will It help if I contact SS to offer my help in doing anything they would like me to do to show our son is not in danger or should I stay away and let them decide - he absolutely is 100 not – this is mad internet crime and nothing about the rea world – I have spent my life waiting to be a DAD and its my heaven (despite what I have done to my family – which will go to my grave with me ☹)
Q if my phone turns up pics or more messages off old xxx accounts will SS change this current status? Which is same a Bail at the mo – I can be unsupervised
Q I got a lawyer employed at the pre charge stage – anyone else have experience in doing this? its bankrupt me already and we not at court.
Q my wife wants no help or wants to talk with anyone – how else can I help her?
Q once my work sack me (it will happen I’m sure soon) can I get work on bail? Will it show up on checks?
Q will I go to Prison? I am a good person, a clean sheet , a loving caring dad who has worked his whole life to bring happiness and safety to the ones I love and all.

Oh god and more and more but I will stop there for a second this is week 2 since all this began and I a, a wreck in a storm – I just want to help right this and see that my wife and son have a future to be happy and proud of. Whether that includes me is doubtful I know.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Needhelpme,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum.

My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser responding to your enquiries today.
I am sorry to hear about your difficult circumstances. You mention that police first became involved only two weeks ago, so you and other family members are probably experiencing shock and confusion as you adjust to the challenges of your new parenting situation. It’s positive that you are reaching out for support and advice. Take one step at a time and bear in mind that you will be learning more over the next weeks and months.

I cannot answer your specific questions about the likely outcome of the police investigation and the subsequent child protection/safety planning decisions of children’s services. I can only give general advice and guide you to relevant information.
You mention that your emotional state is heightened at present and that you feel like ‘a wreck in a storm’. Be aware that support is available 24/7 from the following organisations.
• Samaritans here
• Shout have a 24/7 text line for emotional support here
• Campaign against Living Miserably here
You have already reached out to Lucy Faithfull Foundation and StopSo. Lucy Faithfull Foundation also have an Inform project for people who have offended online. There is a parallel project for families of people who have offended online here. You mention that your wife is not reaching out to anybody for support at present so it might be good for you to share these contacts with her. Talking it over with a skilled professional may help prevent her becoming further isolated at this difficult time.
Children’s services will be liasing with police and conducting child protection enquiries. You can read more about child protection enquiries and child protection procedures here. It is important to understand that the criminal investigation will consider evidence available, whereas the child protection enquiries will consider whether there is a risk of significant harm to your child.
Family Rights Group have a specific page for fathers here.
You will find information here about how children’s services should keep you informed about their enquiries so that you understand what is expected and can cooperate with the safety planning for your family.
There is also a page for mothers here.
The Law Society database can help you find a local solicitor who can advise re the criminal investigation and availability of legal aid. You can link to this here.
You ask about employment issues and DBS checks. Police decide on relevant information to be included in a DBS check. You can read more about this here.
As you work in a college it is likely that you come into contact with under 18s and vulnerable adults. This means that the information about the allegations will have to be reported to the local authority designated officer (LADO) who has responsibility to look into any information about a professional that raises safeguarding concerns. You can read more about the role of the LADO here
I hope this information was useful to you.
There are many different ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• Web enquiry form to help you submit a question via email
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.

Best wishes,
Suzie