Child on child protection due to DV

[Livloo378]

Hi everyone! I’m not in the best place atm so please go easy but truthful!
Me and my babies father have known eachother 4 years. I got pregnant to him last year and left him due to DV to keep my baby in my care. I completed all course n everything asked and my child came home with me.
I stupidly resumed my relationship in the hopes he’d changed now we have a baby. I was scared to tell social services as this was in the plan to not disclose my address and for no contact.
There was a recent incident (child was not in my care the night this happened) which resulted in me reporting to police what had happened. I have now gone from child in need and a week away from case Been closed to child protection, which I have had the first initial meeting today.
They have said baby is going onto a child protection plan, my options are to stay with my partner and social can help us work towards that, but he has such a bad past and I don’t see this as possible it just will not work.
I don’t want my baby took, at the moment we are staying with relatives, social have said it’s about gaining my trust back up to prove I have no contact with babies dad. I am now allowed back out with baby for small periods of Time to build my trust and they are looking at alternative housing options as here is not long term. The supported housing said no, as there’s no concerns with my parenting it’s just safeguarding. And refuge won’t take me due to risk of babies dad. I’m scared where they will house me but any one been through this? I know I messed up but now is my time to prove my baby is my priority! Where will they look at housing Me if I’m not trusted fully with baby and they want us safe as well? Has anyone had similar, followed the plan this time and kept baby at home? I understand I should’ve been honest with services and understand their views on how baby is at risk of harm if I am in relationship with babies father. He is telling social he will do anything to keep a relationship with me and his baby. But now I cannot do so as my baby is no 1 priority.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Livloo378,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Parents’ Forum. My name is Suzie and I am an online adviser replying to you today.

You have given a very honest account of a recent setback when you resumed a relationship with your baby's father hoping that his behaviour had changed. You explain that a further incident occurred that you had to report to police. You kept this hidden from children’s services because you feared their response. You do not wish to continue in the relationship as you say that your partner’s ‘bad past’ means that it cannot work.

You may be aware that there is a domestic violence disclosure scheme (also known as Clare’s law) under which you can ask police to disclose full details of any of your ex’s criminal convictions or cautions that could pose a risk to you or your child. You can read more about this here. It might help for you to be sure that you have all the facts about his record and it shows children’s services that you are addressing the issue.

It’s really positive that your baby is your main priority and children’s services clearly think that they can work with you on the child protection plan.
You can read more about child protection plans here.

You write that you do not want your baby taken. You should understand that a baby or child can only be removed from a parent’s care under a court order such as an emergency protection order or an interim care order. This is not your situation – no court proceedings have been issued. Child protection measures are separate from care proceedings.

You mention that you completed courses and did everything that children’s services asked you to when they first became involved. Recovery from domestic abuse and dealing with new challenges is an ongoing process. I am wondering if you could be referred to an independent domestic violence advocate (IDVA) for ongoing support on practical and emotional issues and to help you explore housing options if this has not happened already. You can read more about the role of the IDVA here
You may also find the Family Rights Group page on domestic abuse useful. You can link to it here.
Family Rights Group also have an advice page for fathers who wish to find out more about domestic abuse and make changes here. Any changes your baby’s father wants to work on are his responsibility not yours, and you are right to prioritise your baby’s safety.
I cannot advise on housing issues, but you may find the Shelter web page on housing issues and domestic abuse helpfulhere

If you are rehoused in a new area that is unfamiliar to you, it’s important that the support agencies involved help you draw up a safety plan to protect you and your child from your ex if he does not readily accept your decision to end the relationship. You may also need support to make new social contacts and link to local services for parents with young babies.
Your post is really wise and helpful in explaining your actions and acknowledging your mistake. I wish you and your baby very well for the future.

I hope this information was useful to you.
There are many different ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• An advice enquiry form to submit an email enquiry
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[benion]

Dear Livloo,

It sounds like you have made exactly the right decision and have decided to permanently end the relationship with the abuser. I do not see how you have any alternative. The abuse must be very serious indeed if they are putting baby under a CPP.

Please do not get back with this guy.

Do not underestimate SS. I used to be friends with a senior children's SW. She once told me that SWs even wait outside service user's homes in the middle of the night if they think the abusive "ex" could put in an appearance. Do not lie to them because they are very good at catching people out. Cooperate in an open and honest fashion.

I am sure that you will get stepped down to Child in Need if you steer well clear of this perpetrator for a decent period of time.

I would strongly recommend that you try out the Freedom Programme, or DV victim's courses in your area. Make sure that you are alert to the red flags of abuse, so that if you meet another perp in the future, you can quickly walk away and end things immediately.

Good luck with it.