Children calling foster carers mummy

[poundedskate7]

Hi, our 10 year old and 5 year old are in foster care and hopefully not for much longer but from speaking to the children they have told us the foster carer have asked them to call them mummy and daddy, we obviously have raised this and got no where apart from the social worker saying every foster carer have a different opinion on what they should call them. I feel this obviously can happen for the children to do it but for the foster carers to push it when a placement can break down at any point is highly frustrating for us as parents. I have raised it with my solicitor who shares the same views and also at the LAC meeting and nothing was said. Is it the norm to want the children of someone else to want them to call you mummy? It's like they are looking for acceptance and to confuse the children and cause unnecessary physiological harm.

[poundedskate7]

Also, is it usual to be cut completely out when it comes to fathers and mothers day? We know the children normally make things at school but we didn't receive these items but i bet the Foster carers did

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear poundedskate7

Thank you for your further posts. I understand that you are worried that your children’s foster carers may have encouraged them to call them mummy and daddy. You also query what normal practice is around children making cards or items for Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day.

Of course, you and your partner are and always will be your children’s parents. You still have parental responsibility for them, even when they are living with foster carers under a care order. So, you and your relationship with the children continue to be significant in their lives. However, they are being cared for by another couple and it is important that they feel safe, comfortable and well-cared for in their foster home too. You have raised your concerns with the children’s social worker, their IRO at the LAC review and with your solicitor. You can ask your children’s social worker and the foster carer’s supervising social worker to discuss further with you how this arrangement came about and your view about it. But it may be that this is the children’s preference while they are living in foster care and perhaps echoes what any other children in the family’s home say.

In relation to the celebration of Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day you could suggest to the social worker that the children are encouraged to make something for you if they would like to, they could also make something for the foster carers. You would need to discuss this with their social worker who could then follow up on this. Decisions about celebrations and special days can be recorded in the children’s placement plans.

You mention that the children may not be in foster care for much longer and that you have a solicitor. So, you may be having a reunifcation assessment or applying to the court to end the care order. If you need any further advice about this, please post back.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[poundedskate7]

Hi yes that is the goal, we are waiting for a early help parenting courses but so far they are withholding this until we have a meeting with the IRO,

We have had nothing but problems during the full thing and have put in numerous complaints to the LA and the police, the way we were treated is unfair we feel and a breach of our human rights.

Also the conduct of the youth mentor that works with our daughter who made allegations that the police have now said have no evidence, is strange, she bought her sweets, dresses, asked her leading questions yet I feel we can't complain about it now as it could sound like sour grapes but something is off with the situation.
It's been a very complicated case and even the solicitor I have now as said we have been treated unfairly and should of had a pams assessment instead of the usual parental assessment.

[poundedskate7]

Also in relation of the LAC meeting, should we receive the written notes within 20 working days? What happens if its over that?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear poundedskate7

Thank you for your follow up post.

I am sorry to hear you have had lots of problems with children’s services, and this has resulted in you making several complaints. I hope this process has resolved some of the issues for you.

You say you have also had problems with the police and the way they have treated you. I am not sure whether you have raise your concerns with them and/or made a formal complaint. I have added HERE a link to the Independent Office for Police Conduct. Please do check out their website for further information and guidance regarding their complaints procedures.

You have some concerns about the conduct of the youth mentor that works with your child. If you haven’t done so already, it would be a good idea to discuss those concerns with their manager. In the first instance I would suggest you email the manager with your concerns and to ask for a meeting to discuss them.

You feel you have not been treated fairly and you say your solicitor feels the same way. It is the solicitor’s role to advocate on your behalf and to raise concerns and discussions about assessments and their suitability within the court arena. Given this, I suggest you work closely with them to ensure they argue for the correct assessments to be carried out.

If you (and they) consider the wrong assessment has been carried out then this will need to be addressed in court. To note, once court finishes and decisions have been made about the welfare of your children, it is difficult to reverse them, and legal aid is not always available to do so.

There is a timescale for the distribution of minutes of a Looked After Child review meeting. The Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO) must distribute the formal record of the review within 20 working days of the meeting. If this has not been achieved, I would suggest in the first instance you contact the IRO to inform. Sometimes processes do get delayed due to unforeseen circumstance. If the matter is not resolved then I suggest you raise it with the IRO’s team manager.

I hope this has been helpful. Please do post again or contact our advice line if you need further advice and support.

Best wishes, Suzie

[poundedskate7]

Hi Suzy, Thank you for the reply

So the solicitor we originally had didn't think it was important for us to have a psychological assessment done that the LA wanted us to have, nor did they mention any other assessments like the PAMS, they talked us into accepting certain findings because at the time we were expecting a baby and needed to look to the future of that one, unfortunately for us we lost the baby at 23 weeks so this as made it all not worthwhile.

We are fuming because we only did 1 day out of the proposed 10 day hearing and never gave evidence apart from written statements, We cut contact with the solicitors after this so now have another solicitor who is confident we have a good case and have done the work the LA set out for us to do.

You state that it is hard to reverse the care plans, so is that you basically saying we can't discharge the orders without some difficulty?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear poundedskate7

Thank you for your further post.

It is good to see that you have a solicitor now who you find to be supportive. I think as the solicitor has all the information related to your case and may be best placed to advise you on how you go forward.

It appears that decisions were made at the time of the last hearing on your circumstances at the time. It appears you acted on the advice you received. If your new solicitor has a different view, then you will no doubt be advised how you can seek to address this.

If you have completed the work that was required, it is open to you to ask children’s services to assess you with a view to reunification. Your solicitor will be able to advise you. You will need to be able to evidence what you have done to the court should you have to apply to court if children’s services refuse to assess you.

Regarding the care plan that you mention, changing a care plan is different to you wishing to discharge a care order. The care plan is long term foster care for your children as I under-stand it. Under the care plan your contact is reviewed and children’s services should also consider whether children could be returned.

I hope you solicitor will be able to help you get the outcome you wish for your family.

You can telephone to speak with one of our advisers on our advice line 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie