Unsure on next steps or if I should contact children's services

[Cornwall959]

Hello,

Looking for advice here please. I'm separated from my partner and two children as my ex made allegations around DA against me 6 months ago. These were false and NFA after 4 months.

The issue is, it was actually my partner issuing mainly emotional abuse to me and there was certain behaviour in the last few months that are concerning me around the safety and well being of my children.

In the final 6 months of living together, her personality changed. She started taking on debt, doing her own thing. One of the most noticeable changes was how she did the food shopping for the family. I paid all bills mortgage, large purchases etc, her responsibility was the food shopping and kids clubs etc which was a lot less in relation, I earn more but she earns well and is a high rate tax payer. Instead of doing a weekly shop, it came every 2-3 weeks, the fridge and cupboards were bare after a less than a week. The children complained about lack of food after school and I used to pick up extra supplies to keep things going, which is something I used to do previously but not to that level.

This is still occurring, but now I'm not around to pick up the slack. I've heard of instances where my youngest is eating super noodles for her evening meal. Not a huge issue you'd say, but this child is particular is borderline on eating disorder, she doesn't eat lunch at school and refuses to eat at home sometimes. My ex also doesn't monitor her eating, last week she skipped lunch before she met me and I only found out as her (concerned) sibling mentioned it. My ex always seems to be out now.

Secondly, my ex when younger worked in a pub whilst living at her parents, years ago she admitted that she used to meet men whilst working at the bar and would often see different men after her shift for one-off unprotected sex in outdoor settings (parks, woods etc)

In the last couple of years of our relationship, I think she started this again, I won't go into details but I have a strong suspicion due to a few times finding evidence of her engaging in sexual activity.

I fear this is still ongoing, the children report she's out and she's not told them where she's going. My concern if that this goes wrong for her she could end up hurt or worse and/or it could put my children in danger from predators for example.

Sounds silly, but should I report this? I'm scared about what might happen to the children if they feel she's not suitable to live with. How would an investigation start?

Thankyou for any advice.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cornwall959

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are concerned and distressed about the well being of your children following the breakdown of your relationship with their mother.

You now have safeguarding concerns about how the children are being looked after and the possibility of them being exposed to unsuitable persons in their mother’s friendship group. You want to know if you should bring your concerns to the attention of children’s services

If you were arrested in respect of allegations of domestic abuse, the likelihood is that children’s service would have been informed by the police. They may not have continued with the case if you, the alleged perpetrator, was no longer in the home. However, if you have genuine concerns for your children’s safety and wellbeing a referral to children’s services then you must make the decision. It is your decision, but it is important to inform children’s services if children are at risk.

You can read HERE about the process when children’s services receive a referral, and it might help you in your decision making.

Children’s services might have concerns about your reasons for the referral as you and your children’s mother are no longer together, but this does not mean they will not act on the referral. There may be concerns about your failure to raise your concerns when you believed the mother’s sexual activities resumed during our relationship. It is also important for you to know the outcome you are seeking from your referral.

Should you wish to discuss this matter further with one of our experienced advisers, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie