Now they are targeting my wife.

[Special_A91]

Hi everyone,

So I was arrested on suspicion of accessing indecent images.
During this time the social worker allowed me to see my kids without time restrictions as long as my wife supervised. So we had a half decent summer all things considered.

I was given an NFA and all my devices were returned within 14 weeks. As soon as I received the
NFA the social worker cancelled all contact for 2 weeks, then she stated my wife could no longer supervise which meant I saw my daughter twice in nearly 4 weeks as the person she allowed to supervise has 4 kids of her own and a disabled husband. Her reasoning for not allowing my wife was because apparently "I lied to her about what the police said" and "she didn't understand the situation enough because she was in a narcissistic relationship and I was treating her like collateral". As you can see it's in quotes because what she actually said to my wife.
All these things and others that could be considered misconduct are only ever done over phone or face to face where the social worker doesn't record anything.

The police applied for an SRO and wrote some horrific things about me, none of it was backed up with evidence it was just their opinion.
We then had a hearing and my solicitor told them I wouldn't sign it because we wanted the family to be back together at home. So the police solicitor immediately offered to remove the restriction on me having contact with U18s. All they left on was the ones that meant they could use software to track my internet devices. The police stated in court that they have no concerns about me having unsupervised contact with children and just wish to track my devices for a short period to see if they will even proceed with the full application later on this year. We had some issues with discussing this with the social worker as she was adamant the police said I need supervision etc etc and she ignored what we told her.

Since then we have had a difficult time with the social worker, we called her out on not following her own councils policies regarding the child in need order that we are working on. In the last 8 months since I was arrested she has spoken to my daughter twice, once about 2 weeks after and then again in November after we had called her out on the policies.

She then called us into a meeting to redo the words and pictures as she wasn't happy with ONE word our daughter used when discussing me coming home which was the word "soon". So we went and got her to change the first couple as she wanted to keep the bits that stated the "police think daddy has images of children on his devices" which was no longer the case because they had given back my devices and given me an NFA. So we got it changed to "the police want to keep an eye on daddy's devices until we see a judge who will decide if they need to do it for longer". During the meeting she then told us we should probably make contact with the police regarding the interim SRO because of the things we had raised with her 2 months prior. She also, for the first time ever, admitted that the full application for the SRO may not go through. She then told us that in mid Feb we would be able to start having me back at home during the day but not to sleep overnight, not because I wouldn't be supervised, but because "statistically most abuse happens at night". And I wouldn't be able to fully move back in until out newborn starts school, so 5 years.

We left it at that and just enjoyed the extra time we had over Christmas, during that time I have now found evidence that shows multiple errors in the police investigation, including issues with the IP and someone else having access to an old Google account I had as well as proof they took and checked the devices I had during the time this crime was meant to have taken place.
Also for the police they took 2 weeks to come to me and put software on my devices, they only put it on my phones (I had two because I hadn't long got my phone back and had to use another one while they investigated) when I offered up my PC and iPad they said "oh we're not bothered about them". Were now 5 months into the 6 month interim and I have had one spot check where they only looked at ONE of my phones and nothing else. I don't even get responses from the officer handling me when I email her about anything.

So we now get to new year where we had another TAF meeting where everyone involved gave us 8/9 out of 10 basically stating they have no concerns with how we are managing things and the kids safety etc. But the SW wouldn't give us any more progression on the "contact/family time". In the middle of Jan my wife emailed her asking about extra time and asked about starting the process of allowing me to come home for 1-2 evenings a week to start with to allow us to have dinner properly as a family etc. The social worker immediately emails back stating she would need to get advice, it's now been 4 weeks and we have only just got a response where she has stated "we will require you to spend 6 weeks working with a family support worker followed by a competency assessment because he can return home".

Now we have both requested assessments at several points throughout this whole process and they told us it wasn't something they were able to offer, apparently they didn't do assessments and we would have to pay for one privately but they wouldn't have to take it into consideration, and yet now they want to refer my wife for one.

However they have not requested ANYTHING from me. My wife has looked into it and if she fails the assessment then the social services will then look to proceed with a CPO..so spending 7 months berating me, saying things like "you're guilty" during a TAF meeting and telling me I am too dangerous to ever go home and trying to force a divorce the social worker has now put everything onto my wife and now she is getting upset and stressed because she fears they will try and use her own childhood experiences plus this assessment to try and take the kids.

This whole things has been a complete mess from the police and social services from the start and we are not sure where this will go.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Special A91

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today.
You have provided a comprehensive outline of your situation from your perspective. Thank you. I am sorry to hear of your distress. It must be a stressful time for you and your family.

To summarise in brief, you were arrested on suspicion of accessing sexual abuse images of children. You were placed on an interim sexual risk order (SRO) whilst investigations were underway. A sexual risk order is an order made by the Magistrates Court on application from a Chief Police Officer or the Director General of the National Crime Agency. The purpose of the order is to protect the public or any particular members of the public from harm from the defendant or, to protect children or vulnerable adults from harm from the defendant outside of the UK.

The court can place an interim SRO on a defendant which would be put in place to protect the public during any period between the application for a full order and its determination. The court can only impose an interim order where it is "just" to do so. There is no legal test as to whether the decision is "just" it is just dependent on the circumstances of the case. The police have confirmed no further action in respect of criminal proceedings. Children’s services remain involved.

These factors have had a significant impact on you and your family. In particular, family time with your children and the request from children’s service to remain outside of the family home whilst assessments are completed and a safeguarding plan put in place. Your children are subject to chid in need plans.

You are not satisfied with the conduct of the allocated social worker and state that they nave not been clear nor consistent during their engagement with you. This has resulted in lapses in contact between you and your children and upsetting and stressful for you, your wife and children.

If you have concerns about the social worker, it would be a good idea to raise them with the social workers team manager. You can do this direct or as a formal complaint. I have added a link HERE to the formal complaints process which has detailed information on the stages of complaints and how to escalate if you are not satisfied with the outcome of the meeting with the team manager. I have further added HERE a link to a document called working with social workers guidance. This sets out how to work well with the allocated social worker and what you may wish to consider if things are not going well.

You have concerns about police actions during their investigation. I have added a link HERE to the Independent Office for Police Conduct. They are the complaints watchdog for England and Wales and investigate the most serious complaints and contact matters involving the police. Please checkout their website for further information and guidance.

A Child in Need plan is voluntary, not mandatory, therefore you can withdraw your consent should you wish too. I have added a link HERE which explains this in further detail and how children’s services should be working with you under this type of plan. I strongly suggest you seek written clarification from the social worker about the possible next steps should you decided to withdraw your consent. It is important to note that children’s services may escalate to child protection if they feel the risks meet the threshold for this.

In respect of the family time arrangements. From the information you have provided, the direction from the social worker seems to have been inconsistent and confusing at times. Going forward, I strongly suggest you ask for written clarification of plans made and agreed to avoid miscommunication and to create a ‘paper trail’ of what has been agreed. This will ensure you have evidence of discussions and agreements and a point of reference to refer to should you need to.

To note, the request from children’s services for supervised contact is just that - a request. They do not have jurisdiction (authority) to force you, or your wife, to do this. Accepting this request is positive. It demonstrates your willingness to work with children’s services. Of course the police and courts do have the authority to put these boundaries in place and children’s services may escalate if you do not adhere to them.
You have not been offered any assessments or supports but after many months, children’s services are requesting your wife completes an assessment. I will assume this is a protective parenting assessment.

It is unfortunate that no support (assessment) has been forthcoming for you or your wife until recently. I have added a link HERE to the Stop It Now! a campaign run by the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. This has information, guidance, workshops and assessment information for those in a similar situation to you and your wife. Please do check out their website.

Children’s services have concerns about the relationship between you and your wife and what they say are your narcissistic behaviours. Whilst I understand you disagree with their assumption; it might be a good idea for both you and your wife to check out potential support services. I have added a link HERE to RESPECT. An organisation that supports perpetrators of domestic abuse. And a link HERE to the Freedom Programme which supports women to identify so called ‘reg flags’ in relationships.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please check out our website for further information and guidance.

Best wishes, Suzie