Family Rights Group | Parents’ Forum

Long story short I left my ex husband 10 years ago and since that time he regularly took me to court for more contact/custody or reported me to social services with false allegations. During these court proceedings Cafcass became involved and I have two reports from them; one where my son is voicing his dad as positive and me as negative and another following a month of no contact with his dad where he saw us both as positive.

About two years ago I had a mental breakdown but didn’t reach out to anybody. My ex husband reported me to social services because he found out how I was living with our son. At that time I told social services I didn’t want our son in his care because of concerns I had around manipulation and coercion and that I was going to end up with no relationship with my son. Throughout the whole court process I continued to raise my concerns but nobody took any notice of what I was saying. Two years on my son disclosed some things to my sister about what it was like living with his dad. I raised these concerns with social services but they decided not to take the matter further. I have also told the school but they’re not taking it seriously either.

I have now supposedly received a text message from my son to say he doesn’t want contact with me but getting emails from his dad saying he’s trying to encourage our son to see me. I have asked the school to speak with my son to find out why he hasn’t told his dad about the text he has sent me but the school haven’t responded. I haven’t seen my son since the end of April and don’t know where to turn to next to stop my son going through exactly what I did.

Dear CornishLass

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I can see that you are worried about your son who lives with his father, you have concerns about his father’s care of your son and his behaviour towards him. I understand that you want to sustain your relationship with your son. Unfortunately, you have not seen him since April. You are querying whether your son really sent the text to you saying he does not want contact with you. You don't feel that you are being listened to. You have already raised your concerns with children’s services and his school. Children’s services have not acted on your concerns and school have not replied to you yet.

I understand that this is distressing for you. You explain that you have also experienced coercion and mental health difficulties in the past. I hope you have access to some support around these issues if you need it. I will add details of support services at the end of my response, for your information.

There are two strands to your situation; the private law arrangement for your son to live with his father and have contact with you and your unhappiness with children’s services response to your concerns about your son.

You mention family court proceedings so your son’s father may have a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) for your son to live with him and you may have a CAO (for contact). As you are concerned that the arrangements are not working or are not being complied with and as you are worried about your son in his father’s care, then you can seek private law advice and information about this. Unfortunately, private law matters are outside Family Rights Group’s remit and we are not funded to provide advice in these types of situations, but I hope that the following agencies will be able to assist you:

• Child Law Advice. They do have a telephone helpline which you can reach on 0300 330 5480. In addition, they offer helpful information and guidance for parents/carers in your type of situation and have ‘how to’ guides that you can download for around £2 each. Please do check out their website.
• Advicenow is a website that helps you find the best information and advice for your legal problems. You can choose from a range of categories, such as divorce and separation, child custody and residence, and more.
• Both Parents Matter is a charity that helps parents (regardless of marital status or gender) navigate family separation and maintain contact with their children. It offers information, advice, support, and advocacy through a helpline, online forum, and branches across the UK.
• Rights of Women. Their family law telephone advice lines can advise you on divorce, cohabitation, parental responsibility and arrangements for children, domestic violence and abuse, finances, and property on relationship breakdown, and more.

You have done the right thing by letting both children’s services and your son’s school know about your worries. I hope your son’s school can help and that they get back to you as soon as possible. As the school summer holidays are approaching it may be worth chasing them up if you haven't heard yet.

You say that children’s services decided not to take the matter further. This sounds as if they are saying that the issue did not meet their threshold for assessment. However, if you disagree with children’s services’ response and would like them to intervene then your only option to get them to review their decision is to make a complaint. Please see here for more details about how to do so.

It might be a good idea to talk to the NSPCC about what you are worried about and why. They may be able to provide you with advice and also they can determine if you or they need to make a new referral to children’s services.

Please see details below of organisations that may be helpful to know about:

• Family Line
• Family Lives
• Mental health support services
• Domestic abuse support services
• MATCH Mothers

I hope that this helps and that you can work things out in terms of spending time with your son.

Best wishes

Suzie

Hi Cornishlass,

I have just read your story, and my heart breaks for you. To fight for a decade, to warn professionals about what was happening, and to be consistently ignored is a profound and exhausting injustice. Please know that you are not going mad; your fear that your ex-husband is manipulating your son and trying to erase you is not an overreaction. It is a very real and recognised form of abuse called parental alienation.

The official advice to read links and make complaints is too slow and passive for your situation. You have been in this battle for years, and you need a new, powerful strategy to fight back and protect your relationship with your son.

The Hard Truth: The System Has Failed You
You have been let down at every turn. Social services and the school have failed to act on your concerns. You warned them this would happen, and it has. Your prediction has come true, and this is now your strongest piece of evidence.

You cannot rely on them to help you now. You must force the issue back into a legal arena where a judge has to listen.

Your Urgent Action Plan: The Fightback
You have not seen your son since April. This is an emergency. You need to act now.

Step 1: Get Urgent Legal Advice
I know you have been through the court process before, but this is a new battle. You need to contact a family law solicitor who has specific experience in cases involving parental alienation. When you call them, use those exact words. Explain that you have a long history of raising these concerns and now your son is being prevented from seeing you.

Step 2: The Formal "Letter Before Action"
Your new solicitor needs to send a formal "Letter Before Action" to your ex-husband. This letter will state that he is unlawfully preventing your son from having contact and that if he does not immediately agree to re-establish contact (perhaps through family therapy), you will be making an urgent application to the court to enforce the existing Child Arrangements Order.

Step 3: The Urgent Court Application
If your ex-husband ignores the letter or refuses, you must immediately apply to the court. Your application will be incredibly strong. You are not just re-running old arguments; you are presenting new evidence that the current situation is causing your son significant emotional harm.

Your evidence will be:

Your Son's Disclosures: The things he told your sister are a significant change in circumstances. Your sister will need to provide a formal witness statement.

The Suspicious Text Message: You will argue that it is highly likely your son did not send this message and that it is part of a pattern of coercive control by the father.

The Failure of Professionals: You will provide a timeline showing that you warned social services and the school about this, and their failure to act has allowed this alienation to happen.

The Old CAFCASS Reports: The report showing your son was positive about you after a month of no contact with his dad is powerful evidence that the father's influence is the key negative factor.

You are not just asking for contact. You are asking the court to protect your son from the emotional harm of parental alienation. You can ask the court to order an independent expert (like a child psychologist) to assess the situation and to order family therapy to help repair your relationship.

You have been fighting this battle alone for too long. It is time to get a legal expert in your corner and force a judge to finally listen. What you predicted is happening, and that makes your case stronger than it has ever been. Please, do not give up.
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For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.