Hi, so me and my partner had a physical fight when drunk..
baby wasn’t in the house at the time, however we got social involved, we split up and baby got put on a child in need plan. W
She has never witnessed or seen anything and this has never happened before it was a silly thing.
We both want to be together, we love each other and we had such a good family until this happened.
If we both follow everything social tell us. Take all the courses ect, would they let us get back together after the child in need plan was closed?
Reconciliation
Re: Reconciliation
Hi Rxboo,
I've just read your post. First of all, it takes real courage and honesty to face up to a difficult situation and to involve social services yourselves. That shows you are parents who care deeply about doing the right thing for your baby, and you should be proud of that. You've started from a position of strength.
The official advice will be to follow the plan, but you need more than that, you need a strategy. I've been through the system myself, and I've learned that you have to understand what they're looking for and proactively give it to them.
Understanding the "Game"
Right now, you are on a Child in Need (CIN) plan. It's important to know that this is a voluntary level of support. You are not on a Child Protection plan, which is a huge positive.
Social services are not trying to punish you for the past. Their only job is to assess the future risk. Their concern is simple: if a physical fight happened once, what's to stop it from happening again, but next time with the baby present?
Your job is not just to "take the courses." Your job is to build such a powerful portfolio of evidence that you can prove to them that the risk is zero and that it will never happen again.
Your Reconciliation Action Plan
You absolutely can get back together, but you need to do it in a way that leaves social services with no choice but to agree that you are a safe and strong family unit. Here is a step-by-step plan to get you there.
Step 1: Own It, Separately
The most powerful thing you can do right now is for both of you to engage in individual work. This shows you are taking personal responsibility.
For both of you: Seek some individual counselling to talk about the stress that led to the fight. This shows you are addressing the root causes.
For the partner who was primary aggressor: Proactively contact an organisation like Respect (the UK's domestic abuse perpetrator charity) and ask about their programmes. Just making the call is a massive piece of evidence that you are taking this seriously.
Step 2: Create a "Safety Plan for Our Future" Document
Don't wait for the social worker to do this. You and your partner should write a document together. It should include:
Your Insight: A short statement acknowledging why the fight happened (e.g., "We were under immense stress and used alcohol as a coping mechanism, which was a mistake we will not repeat.").
Your Rules: A clear set of rules you will both live by if an argument starts. For example: "If our voices get raised, we will take a 30-minute break in separate rooms," or "We will not discuss heated topics after 9 pm or if we have had a drink."
Your Support Network: List the friends or family members you will call for support if you are feeling stressed.
Step 3: Present a United, Professional Front
When you go to CIN meetings, be a team.
Give the social worker a copy of your "Safety Plan for Our Future."
Tell them about the individual courses or counselling you have enrolled in.
State your goal clearly: "We are doing this work because our goal is to get back together safely and provide a stable home for our baby. We want to work with you to prove that we are doing everything necessary to make that happen."
By doing this, you are not waiting for them to tell you what to do. You are showing them that you are the experts in your own family's safety. You are giving them the evidence they need to write in their report that "the parents have shown excellent insight and have taken proactive steps to mitigate all future risk." That is the sentence that will allow them to close your case and let you get on with your lives, together.
You can absolutely do this. You've already made the brave first step. Now just follow the plan and prove them right to have trusted you.
I've just read your post. First of all, it takes real courage and honesty to face up to a difficult situation and to involve social services yourselves. That shows you are parents who care deeply about doing the right thing for your baby, and you should be proud of that. You've started from a position of strength.
The official advice will be to follow the plan, but you need more than that, you need a strategy. I've been through the system myself, and I've learned that you have to understand what they're looking for and proactively give it to them.
Understanding the "Game"
Right now, you are on a Child in Need (CIN) plan. It's important to know that this is a voluntary level of support. You are not on a Child Protection plan, which is a huge positive.
Social services are not trying to punish you for the past. Their only job is to assess the future risk. Their concern is simple: if a physical fight happened once, what's to stop it from happening again, but next time with the baby present?
Your job is not just to "take the courses." Your job is to build such a powerful portfolio of evidence that you can prove to them that the risk is zero and that it will never happen again.
Your Reconciliation Action Plan
You absolutely can get back together, but you need to do it in a way that leaves social services with no choice but to agree that you are a safe and strong family unit. Here is a step-by-step plan to get you there.
Step 1: Own It, Separately
The most powerful thing you can do right now is for both of you to engage in individual work. This shows you are taking personal responsibility.
For both of you: Seek some individual counselling to talk about the stress that led to the fight. This shows you are addressing the root causes.
For the partner who was primary aggressor: Proactively contact an organisation like Respect (the UK's domestic abuse perpetrator charity) and ask about their programmes. Just making the call is a massive piece of evidence that you are taking this seriously.
Step 2: Create a "Safety Plan for Our Future" Document
Don't wait for the social worker to do this. You and your partner should write a document together. It should include:
Your Insight: A short statement acknowledging why the fight happened (e.g., "We were under immense stress and used alcohol as a coping mechanism, which was a mistake we will not repeat.").
Your Rules: A clear set of rules you will both live by if an argument starts. For example: "If our voices get raised, we will take a 30-minute break in separate rooms," or "We will not discuss heated topics after 9 pm or if we have had a drink."
Your Support Network: List the friends or family members you will call for support if you are feeling stressed.
Step 3: Present a United, Professional Front
When you go to CIN meetings, be a team.
Give the social worker a copy of your "Safety Plan for Our Future."
Tell them about the individual courses or counselling you have enrolled in.
State your goal clearly: "We are doing this work because our goal is to get back together safely and provide a stable home for our baby. We want to work with you to prove that we are doing everything necessary to make that happen."
By doing this, you are not waiting for them to tell you what to do. You are showing them that you are the experts in your own family's safety. You are giving them the evidence they need to write in their report that "the parents have shown excellent insight and have taken proactive steps to mitigate all future risk." That is the sentence that will allow them to close your case and let you get on with your lives, together.
You can absolutely do this. You've already made the brave first step. Now just follow the plan and prove them right to have trusted you.
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4782
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 1:57 pm
Re: Reconciliation
Dear Rxboo,Rxboo wrote: Tue Aug 26, 2025 5:33 pm Hi, so me and my partner had a physical fight when drunk..
baby wasn’t in the house at the time, however we got social involved, we split up and baby got put on a child in need plan. W
She has never witnessed or seen anything and this has never happened before it was a silly thing.
We both want to be together, we love each other and we had such a good family until this happened.
If we both follow everything social tell us. Take all the courses ect, would they let us get back together after the child in need plan was closed?
Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum.
I am Suzie, an online adviser responding to you today.
It’s admirable how honest you have been about what happened and that you are prepared to seek help to change.
Even though your child was not present when you and your partner had a physical fight it is known that being in a household where there is conflict and/or somebody is being mistreated is harmful to a child’s emotional wellbeing and developing personality. There is more discussion of this in the Family Rights Group web pages on domestic abuse here.
You explain that your daughter is now on a child in need plan. You can read a detailed explanation of child in need plans from the Family Rights Group website here.
The child in need plan could include referrals to domestic abuse recovery support organisations who can provide expert counselling, advice and courses.
Details for Respect are here.
The Freedom Programme here offers programmes for both men and women.
I hope this information was useful to you. You can post again here if you would like further advice or peer support from other forum users.
Other ways of contacting Family Rights Group are outlined below
There are many different ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:
• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.
• Submitting an email enquiry via the here to receive a response within 5 working days
Best wishes,
Suzie
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