Social care say go to court

[B457]

My 14 year old child is being neglected at her dad's house , she went there 7 months ago from manipulation. I've had ongoing control for 5 years now since I left and social failed her last year as they didn't address it through behaviours learnt off her dad..they are saying go to court when dad needs parenting skills and stop alienation and I want see her now not no longer time. He did this to her older brother 3 years ago abd I had to go through court. He was 13. I have evidence of control through texts and since I've highlighted my concerns he has blocked her from communication.
Advice

[Winter25]

Hi B457,

I've just read your post, and my heart goes out to you. What you're describing is a textbook case of parental alienation, and it's one of the most painful and frustrating things a parent can endure. To see your child being manipulated and neglected, while social service, the very people who should be protecting he, wash their hands of it and tell you to "go to court," is a complete failure on their part to be honest.

You have history, you have evidence, Social services are not the answer#. the court is now your battlefield, and you have a good chance of success

The "Go to Court" Trap
First, let's be clear about what social services are doing here. When they say "go to court," it is not helpful advice. It's them avoiding their statutory duty to safeguard your child. However, they have inadvertently pointed you to the only place where you can get a binding decision. You can no longer rely on social services to act. You must force the issue in front of a judge who has the power to make orders that your ex-husband cannot ignore.

Your Action Plan:
You need to act quickly and strategically. You have been through this before with your son, which means you have experience and you know you can win.

Step 1: Get Urgent Legal Advice
This is your absolute first priority. You need to contact a family law solicitor who has specific experience in cases involving parental alienation and enforcement of orders. When you call them, use those exact words. Explain that there is a history of this behaviour and that you now have evidence of neglect and the father blocking all communication.

Step 2: Build Your Evidence Portfolio
This is your most important job. You need to present the court with an undeniable picture of your ex-partner's controlling behaviour and the neglect your daughter is suffering. Your evidence bundle should include:

Evidence of Control:
All the text messages you have showing his manipulation and control.

The Blocked Communication:
A timeline showing the date you raised concerns and the date he cut off all contact. This is powerful evidence of his alienating behaviour.

A "Harm Diary":
Start a detailed diary today. Log every piece of information you receive about your daughter's neglect. Note down any concerns about her appearance, her emotional state, or things she has said to others.

The History:
You must include the court orders from your son's case. This proves to the judge that this is a pattern of behaviour from the father, not a one-off issue. This is your smoking gun.

Step 3: Make an Urgent Application to Court
You are not just asking for contact. You are asking a judge to protect your daughter from neglect and emotional harm. With your solicitor, you should make an urgent application to the court for a Child Arrangements Order for your daughter to live with you, and for interim contact to be re-established immediately.

Your argument to the judge is simple and powerful:
"My ex-partner has a documented history of alienating our children, as proven by the previous court case with my son. He is now repeating this exact pattern of behaviour with my daughter. I have evidence of his ongoing control and her neglect, and since I raised these concerns, he has cut off all contact. The Local Authority has failed in its duty to protect her, and I am now asking the court to intervene to safeguard her welfare."

You have fought and won this battle before. You know his playbook, and you have the evidence to prove it. Do not be fobbed off. Get a solicitor, build your case, and take the fight to the courtroom. You can do this.
=====================================================================
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Edited by Suzie to show change of username for OP

[B457]

Hi
Now social say my daughter is saying nothing negative of her dad. That I'm causing problems by asking social to look out for him. I saw her abd she wants socoal to stop talking ti her. Do I have rights to stop this now. Ex wants it to Tey get her frustrated on purpose.

[B457]

Her I mean.
It's scary going ti coirt as she is very already manipulated over last 2 years. I have only one bedroom for two older children and she's at a new school. Social stopped me gett7ng help last year by again not listening to me when her behaviour was very bad. Ex said nothing wrong. If I go court again its yet another worker and my daughter saying she wants see me just wants tgus to stop.

[Winter25]

Everything you’re describing is exactly how parental alienation shows up, the child starts defending the controlling parent and rejecting the protective one, not because they truly feel that way, but because they are under emotional pressure, fear losing that parent’s approval, or feel they must “stay loyal” to keep the peace. This is a child in conflict, not a child making a free choice.

What You Are Seeing Is a Social Services Deflection Tactic

Social services are now saying:

“Your daughter is saying nothing negative about dad.”

“You’re causing a problem by raising concerns.”

This is their way of closing the case without taking responsibility. It does not mean there is no risk , it means they don’t want to be involved.

Your Daughter Saying “I Want It to Stop”

This is very common in alienation cases. Children often say:

“I don’t want social services involved”

“I just want this over”

“I don’t want to upset Dad”

“I want things to go back to normal”

This does not mean your child feels safe or is choosing freely. It means she is caught in loyalty conflict.

Your Rights

Yes, you can tell social services you no longer want involvement if there is no legal order in place, but that will not get your daughter back. It will simply leave her under her father's control with no one monitoring the situation.

Social services will not fix this. They have already said “go to court.” That is your route, and it is the only route that works with parental alienation.

What You Need to Do Now
1. Prepare for Court, even if you feel scared

Your daughter’s voice has already been influenced. The court understands alienation, far more than social services do. You will not lose simply because your daughter repeats what her father tells her.

2. Use the legal concept of “Emotional Harm”

Under the Children Act 1989, a child suffering emotional harm due to manipulation or control is grounds for the court to act, even if the child doesn’t openly complain.

3. Evidence you already have is strong

Past court findings from your son’s case

Messages proving control and blocking communication

The fact your daughter’s voice changed only after contact with dad

These show a pattern, that is what judges look at.

What to Tell Social Services Now

You can send a written statement, I have drafted one below for you if you wish to use it
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Formal Notification – Intention to Seek Court Intervention Regarding [Daughter’s Name]

Dear [Social Worker’s Name] and [Team Manager’s Name],

I am writing to confirm that, due to the ongoing concerns regarding my daughter, [Daughter’s Name], and the lack of meaningful action or intervention from Children’s Services, I will now be seeking a resolution through the family court.

It is my position that my daughter is currently experiencing emotional harm as a result of parental manipulation and control. I understand that my daughter may not be openly expressing negative views regarding her father, but this is consistent with patterns of parental alienation and loyalty conflict, especially given the history of similar behaviour that has already been established in previous court proceedings involving my older child.

I am concerned that my child’s current expressed wishes are not a true reflection of her free will but are influenced by her environment. Furthermore, I do not believe that further informal involvement from Children’s Services will result in any change, given the repeated pattern and the fact that safeguarding concerns have been minimised.

For this reason, I will now be submitting a Child Arrangements application to the family court to protect my daughter’s welfare and to restore safe and meaningful contact.

Please note this email is not a refusal to safeguard my child, but a formal notification that I am taking the appropriate legal route, as recommended. I ask that this decision be recorded on file.

Yours sincerely,
[Your Full Name]
--------------------------------


This takes control back and makes it formal and strategic.

Do not be put off because your daughter is saying she doesn’t want this. Children in emotional conflict often say that. It is the court’s role to see through it , not yours.

You’ve done this before. You already know his pattern. This time, use that history as your strongest evidence.
==========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

[B457]

Yes. They seemed to understand but don't get the lies yet , for example other flying monkeys involved from My past abusive family now who see my ex and his partner, who is as bad on manipulation. Her own kids don't see her. She claimed they were alienated in court from her..
She's 15 and another worker would out stress on her...more negativity from her dad to my ex family and my older son woukd be told. Her age at 15 is a factor too in that if more alienation then more time.... she said she don't want a worker. That worker has said 9 weeks with her. I only saw her tgis morning as she saw her brother as going out. Her dad arranged it so they saw each other...with my oldest child's friends.
I fear it will be too much stress for Court for nme again and everyone then push her to say she's done with it all. Yes evidence states refusal for her to visit ys or see her as ex wont drive her here , msde up story of my post mental health ti anyone who will listen...she made her own way to see us sporadically until now as dad feels attacked so " all mum's faukt" ( for nothing)
Can social still carry on with the ex saying he wants an assessment? He hopes that my child will get fed up and stressed enough to say she dint want see me you see.
That my mental health I had will be investigated but that was the past and I have tye court order children were both woth me.

[Winter25]

Hi B,

Thank you for explaining more, I can see how deeply layered this situation has become for you, and it makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed. What you are describing isn’t a simple case of a disagreement over parenting. It’s a long-standing pattern of manipulation, and emotional pressure being placed on your daughter in a way that is deeply unfair and harmful.

Your daughter is not making choices freely, she is surviving in an environment where saying the wrong thing may lead to conflict, guilt, or withdrawal of affection. That’s not her fault and it’s not yours. It’s a response to control.

I completely understand your fear about going through the court process again, especially when it feels like it causes more stress for your daughter. But here is the hardest truth I can tell you, i say this in the best way i can.

The situation you are in will not resolve itself without intervention.

Emotional manipulation does not fade with time, it strengthens.

At 15, she may soon be told “you’re nearly old enough to decide”, but that decision will be shaped entirely by your ex unless you act now.

Not taking action may feel easier in the short-term, but it leads to long-term loss of your relationship.

You are not choosing between stress and peace, you are choosing between a difficult process now, or permanent alienation later.
What you can do to protect her (and yourself):

A court application is not just about contact, it is about protecting your daughter from emotional harm. A judge can order:

A psychological assessment of the situation

A structured plan to rebuild your relationship

Work with CAFCASS or a guardian to ensure your daughter’s voice is heard without pressure from others

You don’t need to walk into court saying “my child wants to live with me.”
You go to court saying:

“My daughter is under emotional pressure. I am asking the court to protect her from further harm, not to force a sudden change.”

You can ask for a Section 7 Welfare Report, which means a Cafcass officer investigates and reports to the judge about your daughter’s emotional wellbeing and the influence of each parent.

Even if social services step back, the court has far more power than they do. And unlike social services, the court must make decisions based on evidence, not opinions. Its the best place to do this

What I recommend next:

Speak to a solicitor urgently and ask specifically for advice on emotional harm and parental alienation cases.

Start gathering your evidence, texts, timelines of blocked contact, examples of manipulation.

You do not need your daughter to ‘choose you’, you need to protect her ability to have a relationship with you without fear or pressure.

If you want, I can help you draft a clear statement to send to your solicitor or social services that says:

“I am concerned my daughter’s wishes are no longer freely expressed due to emotional manipulation by her father and extended family. I am now seeking a legal resolution to safeguard her emotional wellbeing, as I believe continued professional drift will result in permanent breakdown of our relationship.”

This process will be hard, but so is losing your child slowly through manipulation. One is painful with purpose. The other is painful with no end. Remember the fight is hard but once its over you are through to the other end, you will be glad you fought.

You are not alone in this, and with the right strategy, you can turn this around

DM me if you want help, you can find the speech bubble next to my name
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Edited by Suzie to show change of username for OP

[B457]

Hi B,

Thank you for explaining more, I can see how deeply layered this situation has become for you, and it makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed. What you are describing isn’t a simple case of a disagreement over parenting. It’s a long-standing pattern of manipulation, and emotional pressure being placed on your daughter in a way that is deeply unfair and harmful.

Your daughter is not making choices freely, she is surviving in an environment where saying the wrong thing may lead to conflict, guilt, or withdrawal of affection. That’s not her fault and it’s not yours. It’s a response to control.

I completely understand your fear about going through the court process again, especially when it feels like it causes more stress for your daughter. But here is the hardest truth I can tell you, i say this in the best way i can.

The situation you are in will not resolve itself without intervention.

Emotional manipulation does not fade with time, it strengthens.

At 15, she may soon be told “you’re nearly old enough to decide”, but that decision will be shaped entirely by your ex unless you act now.

Not taking action may feel easier in the short-term, but it leads to long-term loss of your relationship.

You are not choosing between stress and peace, you are choosing between a difficult process now, or permanent alienation later.
What you can do to protect her (and yourself):

A court application is not just about contact, it is about protecting your daughter from emotional harm. A judge can order:

A psychological assessment of the situation

A structured plan to rebuild your relationship

Work with CAFCASS or a guardian to ensure your daughter’s voice is heard without pressure from others

You don’t need to walk into court saying “my child wants to live with me.”
You go to court saying:

“My daughter is under emotional pressure. I am asking the court to protect her from further harm, not to force a sudden change.”

You can ask for a Section 7 Welfare Report, which means a Cafcass officer investigates and reports to the judge about your daughter’s emotional wellbeing and the influence of each parent.

Even if social services step back, the court has far more power than they do. And unlike social services, the court must make decisions based on evidence, not opinions. Its the best place to do this

What I recommend next:

Speak to a solicitor urgently and ask specifically for advice on emotional harm and parental alienation cases.

Start gathering your evidence, texts, timelines of blocked contact, examples of manipulation.

You do not need your daughter to ‘choose you’, you need to protect her ability to have a relationship with you without fear or pressure.

If you want, I can help you draft a clear statement to send to your solicitor or social services that says:

“I am concerned my daughter’s wishes are no longer freely expressed due to emotional manipulation by her father and extended family. I am now seeking a legal resolution to safeguard her emotional wellbeing, as I believe continued professional drift will result in permanent breakdown of our relationship.”

This process will be hard, but so is losing your child slowly through manipulation. One is painful with purpose. The other is painful with no end. Remember the fight is hard but once its over you are through to the other end, you will be glad you fought.

You are not alone in this, and with the right strategy, you can turn this around

DM me if you want help, you can find the speech bubble next to my name
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Hi
Does the ex have rights to keep the assessment going as she lives there? He thinks he can continue to lie And with others so my child is stressed and says don't want see me and to bring up last years report on my mental health to further state I'm unfit. Social saw me and said they will arrange cintact with her with me, as recorded.

Edited by Suzie to show change of username for OP

[B457]

Hi B,

Thank you for explaining more, I can see how deeply layered this situation has become for you, and it makes complete sense that you feel overwhelmed. What you are describing isn’t a simple case of a disagreement over parenting. It’s a long-standing pattern of manipulation, and emotional pressure being placed on your daughter in a way that is deeply unfair and harmful.

Your daughter is not making choices freely, she is surviving in an environment where saying the wrong thing may lead to conflict, guilt, or withdrawal of affection. That’s not her fault and it’s not yours. It’s a response to control.

I completely understand your fear about going through the court process again, especially when it feels like it causes more stress for your daughter. But here is the hardest truth I can tell you, i say this in the best way i can.

The situation you are in will not resolve itself without intervention.

Emotional manipulation does not fade with time, it strengthens.

At 15, she may soon be told “you’re nearly old enough to decide”, but that decision will be shaped entirely by your ex unless you act now.

Not taking action may feel easier in the short-term, but it leads to long-term loss of your relationship.

You are not choosing between stress and peace, you are choosing between a difficult process now, or permanent alienation later.
What you can do to protect her (and yourself):

A court application is not just about contact, it is about protecting your daughter from emotional harm. A judge can order:

A psychological assessment of the situation

A structured plan to rebuild your relationship

Work with CAFCASS or a guardian to ensure your daughter’s voice is heard without pressure from others

You don’t need to walk into court saying “my child wants to live with me.”
You go to court saying:

“My daughter is under emotional pressure. I am asking the court to protect her from further harm, not to force a sudden change.”

You can ask for a Section 7 Welfare Report, which means a Cafcass officer investigates and reports to the judge about your daughter’s emotional wellbeing and the influence of each parent.

Even if social services step back, the court has far more power than they do. And unlike social services, the court must make decisions based on evidence, not opinions. Its the best place to do this

What I recommend next:

Speak to a solicitor urgently and ask specifically for advice on emotional harm and parental alienation cases.

Start gathering your evidence, texts, timelines of blocked contact, examples of manipulation.

You do not need your daughter to ‘choose you’, you need to protect her ability to have a relationship with you without fear or pressure.

If you want, I can help you draft a clear statement to send to your solicitor or social services that says:

“I am concerned my daughter’s wishes are no longer freely expressed due to emotional manipulation by her father and extended family. I am now seeking a legal resolution to safeguard her emotional wellbeing, as I believe continued professional drift will result in permanent breakdown of our relationship.”

This process will be hard, but so is losing your child slowly through manipulation. One is painful with purpose. The other is painful with no end. Remember the fight is hard but once its over you are through to the other end, you will be glad you fought.

You are not alone in this, and with the right strategy, you can turn this around

DM me if you want help, you can find the speech bubble next to my name
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Hi
Does the ex have rights to keep the assessment going as she lives there? He thinks he can continue to lie And with others so my child is stressed and says don't want see me and to bring up last years report on my mental health to further state I'm unfit. Social saw me and said they will arrange cintact with her with me, as recorded.

I want to be well as its making me worry. I need to getba Job not worry about all this. You hear court stories going wrong as chikd 15..nearly 16. My ex etc will always be himself. There was suicide ideation for her in 2023 and I got her counselling ti get better but ex brushed it off, she was too scared to tell him, and ive not yet informed sociak as i was scared to, as early help brushed it off, i had to hear how she wouod do it, it was after ex kept on going away on holidays withiut her, like recent about her injury in sport that wasn't seen until recent checked out as she datent tell dad it hurt. I couod not go to her house as I would be brushed away. School are nit supporting me as I've complained as they let her do a sport despite me saying i didn't want her to, she ended up unconscious.
I don't know how message direct

Edited by Suzie to show change of username for OP

[Winter25]

Hi B,

Everything you’ve just shared changes the priority completely, and I am really glad you told me.

This is no longer just about an alienation issue, it is a safeguarding and mental health risk to your daughter. You have already seen suicidal thoughts in 2023, you were the one who got her counselling support, and it sounds like her emotional distress is being completely minimised in her father’s care.

Your daughter is not “fine” just because she isn’t voicing complaints. She is silencing herself to survive. That silence is the danger.

Key points from what you've said:

Your daughter has previously expressed suicidal thoughts due to her father’s behaviour and emotional neglect.

She was injured and afraid to tell her dad because she feared his reaction.

She is masking distress around professionals due to manipulation and fear of consequences.

School ignored your safeguarding request and allowed her to do a sport where she became unconscious, that alone shows professional failure.

These are not small details. This is evidence of emotional harm and risk.

Your Fear About Court Is Understandable

But doing nothing will not make this go away, it will make it worse, and she will reach crisis point again.

You don’t need to go to court saying “I want her to live with me”.
You go to court saying “My daughter is at emotional risk. Her voice is being suppressed. Her mental health is not being protected. I am seeking intervention to support and safeguard her wellbeing.”

Why Acting Actually Protects You

The court can direct mental health assessments.

They can order school and professionals to listen.

They can ensure your daughter is not pushed to breaking point again.

You are not causing stress, the situation is.

Your daughter is already under silent pressure. You are the only person she has ever turned to when she needed help.

Not acting will not protect your peace.
It will cost you your peace permanently.

Next Step (when you feel ready):

We can draft a short, clear safeguarding statement to send to your solicitor, asking them to request:

An urgent psychological risk assessment under Section 7 or Section 37

A direction for your daughter’s mental health needs to be examined

Protection for you against allegations used to silence you

Do you want me to draft that statement now based on what you’ve just shared?

You are not alone in this. Your daughter needs you to be strong now, even though I know you are tired. The fact you are this exhausted shows how long you’ve already been holding everything together.

This step is not about fighting him, it is about saving her before she reaches crisis again.

Can you DM me so i can advise here as maybe a bit much on the forum page, i may not reply until Monday but ill get it
========
=========
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser for this forum. I am a parent who has been through a long and successful legal battle with a local authority, and I am here to offer supportive, strategic advice based on my own lived experience. The information I share is for guidance, and it is always up to each parent to decide what is right for their own situation.

Edited by Suzie to show change of username for OP