Question RE Contact/reunification & court orders

[Hauntingly Silent]

I’m looking for some guidance or just another perspective, because I feel very stuck with my son’s case. hes 12

There is a final care order in place from a court hearing back in 2022. That hearing is what it is, and I’m not disputing that here. After that, I spent 2 or so years working on myself, engaging with support and making consistent, positive changes.

Because of that, last year I reapplied to court to ask them to look again at my situation and my son’s care plan. As part of that, a new parenting assessment was ordered and completed. That assessment was positive, and the professionals working directly with me recognised the progress, stability and safe care I can offer. There were no new safeguarding concerns raised.

The court process was messy due to my teenage daughter whos 16 and home full time, and a further hearing, which again went reasonably well in terms of how my progress was viewed. But when the final hearing happened, social refused to acknowledge any of the progress I had made,
the order came through from that more recent case, the judge left such a grey area in the wording that it has now left us in a very difficult position. On paper it doesn’t close the door, but it also doesn’t set out anything clear that the local authority can be held to, so they are effectively free to do nothing.

My son has been very clear that he wants more contact and wants to come home. He’s expressed this several times, including in writing via the social worker.

What I’m really struggling with is the inconsistency in how his wishes are treated. When my daughter said she wanted reduced contact, the local authority acted on that straight away. But when my son is asking for more contact and for reunification to be considered, it’s being ignored. Updated evidence from current professionals is minimised or dismissed, while old concerns from before I did the work and completed therapy are still being relied upon. (3 yrs out of date)

We also have an IRO, but we’ve been told he is “not there for us” as parents. Everything I’ve read suggests the IRO should still engage with parents from time to time and oversee that the care plan is being followed, so I’m confused about whether his role is being used properly in our case. as we have spoken to him on the phone once and met him in person once, he has been part of the case since April, as the old one retired

Court proceedings have now finished and legal aid has ended, so I’m trying to understand what options I realistically have when:

a parent has done the work and engaged,

the more recent assessment is positive,

the child is asking for more contact,

but the local authority is still refusing to move anything forward, and the wording of the last order is so vague it leaves us in limbo.

Social services set out a road map for court, but it states I MUST do therapy, therapy I have done and the mental health team signed me off for, yet I have to start it again?
I have had a private assessment which states i have NO mental health issues or disorders, but social don't care,
The road map is unrealistic, they state progression is moving contact out side of the city centre... this has taken 2 yrs!!
the court order just said for us parents to continue doing the amazing work we are doing, nothing about therapy! but social are insisting it means therapy?
It also states contact be reviewed every three months wth plans for over night in due course, this isn't happening

I’d really appreciate any insight, experience or suggestions from others who’ve been through something similar. I want to keep advocating for my son, but at the moment it feels like we’re stuck in a grey area with no clear way forward and like we’re shouting into a void.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Hauntingly Silent

Thank you for posting on the parents’ forum again with an update of the situation with your family now.

It is great that you had a positive parenting assessment and am sorry that despite this progress has been slow in having your child home or your contact increased..

You said there were court proceedings as you took the matter back to court, was this to apply for a discharge of the care order or were you asking for more contact with your son. It is not clear from your post.

As you had a positive parenting assessment it seems surprising that children’s services were not supportive of your son returning home. Their objections it seems resulted in the case ending with no firm decisions about what happens next to progress reunification. You mention a road map.

If the court approved the local authority’s road map, then I would have expected it to be very clear about what is expected from you and children’s services. You say you are being asked to do therapy which was specified not on the court order. However, if the judge indicated that children’s services could ask for any further or additional information to help with their decision making, I believe this could include them asking for therapy.

I believe it is important that you ask the social worker to put clearly in writing what they require of you. A clear written timetable of the road map so you understand the process. Also ask they explain the reason for further therapy, (is this for updating purposes) or a different type to that you engaged in before. Also, was information about the therapeutic work you had provided to the court? I also think it would be helpful for you to know exactly what the local authority’s reunification policy is and I suggest you ask the social worker to provide you with a copy of their policy or the framework they are working to.

Here is information from the NSPCC’s website about reunification practice which you may find useful.

I appreciate that the court case has ended but did your solicitor not give you a written explanation of the outcome of your application and what you should do now. It would have been helpful for you to have this information from your solicitor regarding the judge’s decision and moving forward.

You say updating information from professionals is being ignored and children’s services are relying on old evidence. This should not be the case since they should be looking at where you are now whilst historical issues will part of any assessment it should not be relied. I am not sure when your case ended.

Your teenage daughter who was returned home appears to be a factor being considered in respect of your son’s return. Are their difficulties in the relationship with your daughter, or in respect of her behaviour and how you manage that, is she attending school. Would she prefer to be the only child at home, and this is impacting her behaviour? Children’s services would have to take everything into account to ensure that any return home is safe for your son and in his best interest.

In your post you did not mention the views of the children’s guardian regarding reunification as the children’s guardian would, I think, have been part of the case.
The independent reviewing officer (IRO) stating he is only there for the children is not correct because parents can bring their concerns about contact, reunification and other matters relating to their children to the IRO who should investigate any issue with children’s services. Here is information about the IRO’s role

I am sorry that the order the judge made was not clear, but any grey areas should have been brought to the judge’s attention by your legal representatives. If you believe children’s services are not following the road map approved by the judge, you can consider taking the matter back to court. I think it is important that you understand that in the order unless something is specifically ordered then it might only be children’s services agreeing to do something or use its best endeavours to do something. This might be written in the first part of the order called the preamble and only what follows the words ‘it is ordered that; forms the court order.

If children’s services are failing to do something ordered, then they are in breach of the court order and you could ask the court to look at their breach and decide what should happen.

Here is information from our website relating to children's services duties when a child is in their care including reviewing contact and reunification.

You do not say how old your son is but children’s services and the IRO should be taking account of his wishes and feelings. He may benefit from having an advocate to get his voice heard. Here is a GUIDE on our website about children working with advocates. Coram Voice 0808 800 5792 and National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) 0808 808 1001 offer advocacy services for children in care. You could also seek advice from Help at Hand 0800 528 0731 (part of the Children’s Commissioner’s Office) for advice and support where a child is in care.

I hope you find this information helpful but if you want to speak with one of our advisers, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays). If you prefer you can post again.

Best wishes

Suzie

[HopingMamu]

I’m in a similar situation. Daughter 11 and taken to live with my mum during a mental health crisis in 2022. I have been lucky enough to get overnights after 18m and now I get two a months and 4 family times a month. I have been in
Court for 18m and we are nearing the last leg. All professionals against reunification (the excuses change) not well long enough.
Risk of relapse
High school transition and my daughter been fostered too long.
My mum hates me and abuses my child. I have raised this with LA and nobody cares, even after my child recorded it. I have been well for three years in January and I can’t see how I’m going to get her back without a miracle. The judge is nice and said the recording were horrendous. Next step is neutral evaluation hearing.and then trial. I want to speak in court, but I’m thinking if the first hearing isn’t in my favour… will the judge follow suit. My parenting assessment was firstly positive and said reunification was possible with support…. Then the guardian said no and she seemed to change her mind. Now she is saying she’s retired and not coming to court and if it’s for health reasons she can get out of it which means another assessment and another four months. My girl was ripped from me and want to come back to me so bad. The social worker IRO and guardian are being obtuse and go off the past. When my daughter was removed I had no family, no mental health support and instead of helping us… they took her. Please could somebody tell me how to get my post seen and an answer or advice. Can I still win this?

[Winter25]

I’m in a similar situation. Daughter 11 and taken to live with my mum during a mental health crisis in 2022. I have been lucky enough to get overnights after 18m and now I get two a months and 4 family times a month. I have been in
Court for 18m and we are nearing the last leg. All professionals against reunification (the excuses change) not well long enough.
Risk of relapse
High school transition and my daughter been fostered too long.
My mum hates me and abuses my child. I have raised this with LA and nobody cares, even after my child recorded it. I have been well for three years in January and I can’t see how I’m going to get her back without a miracle. The judge is nice and said the recording were horrendous. Next step is neutral evaluation hearing.and then trial. I want to speak in court, but I’m thinking if the first hearing isn’t in my favour… will the judge follow suit. My parenting assessment was firstly positive and said reunification was possible with support…. Then the guardian said no and she seemed to change her mind. Now she is saying she’s retired and not coming to court and if it’s for health reasons she can get out of it which means another assessment and another four months. My girl was ripped from me and want to come back to me so bad. The social worker IRO and guardian are being obtuse and go off the past. When my daughter was removed I had no family, no mental health support and instead of helping us… they took her. Please could somebody tell me how to get my post seen and an answer or advice. Can I still win this?

Hi HopingMamu,

I’m really glad you posted, because what you are describing is sadly very common when a parent has rebuilt their life, but the professionals involved refuse to update their thinking. You are not imagining it, and you are not alone. Everything you have written shows a mother who has done the work, maintained stability, and shown consistent safe care for years.

Here are the key things to understand about your situation and what you can still do based on what you have said

1- you absolutely can still win. Three years of stable mental health, consistent contact, and a child who is clearly asking to come home are not small things. Courts do reunify children when the evidence supports it, even when professionals oppose it. It is not hopeless.

2- the judge calling your daughter’s recordings “horrendous” is extremely important. Judges only say things like that when they recognise that the current placement is harmful. That means the “status quo” argument is weakened. If the placement isn’t safe, they cannot rely on “she has lived there too long” as a reason to block reunification.

3- the ENE is your opportunity, not a threat. It is designed to bring in a fresh pair of judicial eyes and force the LA to stop using vague worries, old concerns or “what if” risks. ENEs often push Local Authorities into more realistic positions. Many parents find the ENE judge is the first person who actually looks at the current evidence.

4- the excuses you listed (“not well long enough”, “risk of relapse”, “too settled”, “high school transition”) are not legal reasons to block reunification. These are generic phrases used when professionals don’t want to take responsibility for a decision. You have three years of stability. That counts as “well long enough.” A relapse that has not happened cannot be used to deny a child a parent. The law requires risk to be based on evidence, not speculation.

5- the guardian withdrawing is not the disaster it feels like. A replacement guardian must look at the case afresh and cannot simply rely on someone else’s outdated opinions. That can actually work in your favour. You have far more evidence of progress now than you did two years ago.

6 - your daughter’s voice has legal weight. At 11, her wishes must be taken seriously. The fact she is consistently saying she wants to come home, and the fact she is being emotionally abused in placement, creates a strong welfare argument for returning her to you.

7-, you absolutely can speak in court. Parents are routinely allowed to address the court, either through their barrister or directly by giving evidence. Speaking does not harm your case if you keep it factual and focused on your progress, your stability, and your daughter’s welfare. Judges often appreciate hearing from the parent directly, especially when the Local Authority’s narrative does not reflect the present reality.

Finally, you asked how to get your post seen. You’ve already done the right thing by writing it clearly. People here will respond. But your real battle is in court, and you are far stronger than you think. You have a stable home, a long period of good health, positive early assessments, and a child who wishes to return. These cases can turn, even late in the process.

You are doing everything a good parent should do, and none of the professionals have been able to produce evidence of current risk. That matters.

You and your daughter deserve to be together. Don’t lose hope.
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For transparency: I’m not an adviser on this forum. I’m a parent with lived experience of the family court system, and I share information I have learned and can research and peer support to help others understand their rights. Each parent must decide what is right for their situation.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

I’m in a similar situation. Daughter 11 and taken to live with my mum during a mental health crisis in 2022. I have been lucky enough to get overnights after 18m and now I get two a months and 4 family times a month. I have been in
Court for 18m and we are nearing the last leg. All professionals against reunification (the excuses change) not well long enough.
Risk of relapse
High school transition and my daughter been fostered too long.
My mum hates me and abuses my child. I have raised this with LA and nobody cares, even after my child recorded it. I have been well for three years in January and I can’t see how I’m going to get her back without a miracle. The judge is nice and said the recording were horrendous. Next step is neutral evaluation hearing.and then trial. I want to speak in court, but I’m thinking if the first hearing isn’t in my favour… will the judge follow suit. My parenting assessment was firstly positive and said reunification was possible with support…. Then the guardian said no and she seemed to change her mind. Now she is saying she’s retired and not coming to court and if it’s for health reasons she can get out of it which means another assessment and another four months. My girl was ripped from me and want to come back to me so bad. The social worker IRO and guardian are being obtuse and go off the past. When my daughter was removed I had no family, no mental health support and instead of helping us… they took her. Please could somebody tell me how to get my post seen and an answer or advice. Can I still win this?

Dear HopingMamu

I am Suzie, Family Rights Group’s online adviser. I just wanted to let you know that I have responded to your original post. My response refers to the issue you have raised in this post too.

I hope it helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[HopingMamu]

Thank you Suzie

[HopingMamu]

Gosh Suzie
I am in tears reading your reply. It’s made me see what I was looking inside for the words for. I suppose it doesn’t help that my mother and ex are in cahoots and swan around like they have already won. I never let it show, even when the baby tells me that they are making plans for the future. I’ve got a 28yr old son and a 20 yr old son. They had a lovely childhood and one of them has written a statement which the judge allowed either the recordings as ‘hearsay’ when I submitted the abuse evidence in which my mum threatened to throw a remote control at her head and calls her a pig, the judge said that he could not sleep if he thought that my daughter, who is called Hope and baby on account of age compared to her brothers…. Had reached out to him and he didn’t listen. The LA did not and still have not heard the recordings…. I can tell. I think my barrister is being lazy and I’m probably getting a legal aid standard service. After they took her, I thought I would die. I can remember a nurse saying- you’ve no further to fall from rock bottom. I’m not alive, but I’m not dead either… I just feel driven and determined to be with her. I will be, won’t I Suzie, if not this year, possible next. Definitely at age 16 when she can vote with her own feet. So it’s not if, it’s when and I have to say three years+ have flown. I want to say thank you. The upsides are what I will focus on. Xxxx