How to tell my son I’m pregnant

[Bubbles92]

Hello my son has been in temp fc for nearly 5 years now I have recently found out that I’m pregnant and I’m telling my son tomorrow I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell him because I’m worried on his reaction as his fc has a big influence on him lately as I have been pointing out to the sw and have put an official complaint in against her as it’s too much for me to deal with when she just takes over I just really want my son to be happy about the new baby but I need a way to tell him

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Bubbles92

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. This is Suzie, Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope that you are keeping well.I am sorry that I was not able to respond to your post sooner.

You explained that you were planning to tell your 11-year-old son, who is in foster care, about your pregnancy. You were going to do so the day after you posted so you may have already done so by now. You had some concerns about how to do this and how he would react. You have had difficulties with his foster carer whom you have complained about as you feel she has an undue influence on him.

I hope that you had a discussion with your son’s social worker about your plan to tell your son about the baby and to agree with them how and when this should be done. This is because they are your son’s key worker, they are responsible for managing contact and setting the boundaries for this. The social worker also needs to be fully aware of anything new and important that a parent is talking to their child about, as it may impact on the child in different ways. The social worker is the best person to help in this sort of situation. They must also make sure that the foster carer can manage or prepare for any changes in the child’s behaviour if they learn something important which affects them emotionally or in their behaviour. The social worker may be concerned if they were unaware of your pregnancy or that you shared your news with your son in an unplanned way without consulting with them or agreeing how to do this, in the best way for your son.

However, as you had planned to tell your son on 20th January you may have already done so. I hope that it went well if that is the case, that he took the news well and that your son’s social worker and foster carer are aware.

If you have any more queries about this, please do post back or contact the advice service again via any of the options linked to here.

Best wishes

Suzie