Help please ss & narc dad

[Lzcda]

Hi.

My child accused my ex of something we had a case and it went to no further action

My partner has now taken my daughter and is refusing to bring her home to me hes keeping her off school hes said there is a risk my ex will be in contact we have had no contact and he hasn't been near my child.

No one is helping because he has rights and been told to go court

Im looking really for would he even be able to do anything if my ex had been in contact say months down the line would ss do anything ? Im confused how a none future case can then be used if its been shut down the systems a mess and I haven't had any support

The ss haven't even seen the inside of my home they haven't even met my child more then twice her dad is very bad with his mental health but ive said I won't be going back there but they still wont return my child or take her even to school I wouldnt do this to anyone my heart is broken any help is appreciated

[Winter25]

Hi Lzcda,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Having your child withheld from you is honestly one of the most frightening things a parent can go through, especially when you call the authorities for help and they just shrug their shoulders.

I just want to check I’ve understood who is who, because it sounds complicated:

"The Partner/Dad": This is the person currently holding your daughter (her bio dad?), who claims he is "protecting" her.

"The Ex": This is a different person (a previous partner?) who was accused of something, investigated, and the case was closed (NFA).

If that’s right, here is why you feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall, and what you actually need to do to get her back.

Why the Police and Social Services aren't helping You said "no one is helping because he has rights." Unfortunately, this is the main problem. If he is on the birth certificate, he has Parental Responsibility (PR). In the eyes of the Police, he has just as much right to have her in his house as you do in yours. Unless she is in immediate physical danger (like he is hurting her right now), they view this as a "Civil Matter" or "parents arguing." They won't go kick a door down to get a child back from a legal parent.

It feels wrong, but that is why they are telling you to go to court. They literally can't take sides until a Judge tells them to.

He is using "Safeguarding" as a weapon You asked if he can use the old case against you even though it's closed. The short answer is: legally, no, but practically, he is doing it right now. He knows that if he says the magic words "I am protecting her from a risk," the police will back off because they are terrified of getting it wrong. He is weaponising that old NFA case to control you.

The School is your leverage You mentioned he is keeping her off school. This is actually a big mistake on his part.

Call the school immediately. Speak to the Safeguarding Lead.

Tell them: "Her father has withheld her and is refusing to bring her to school. I am concerned for her welfare and education."

If he keeps her off school, Social Services will get interested, because harming her education is a safeguarding issue in itself.

How you actually get her back (The C100) You cannot wait for Social Services to fix this. They are stepping back because they see it as a custody dispute. You need to force the issue.

You need to apply to the Family Court for a Specific Issue Order (to return the child) and a Prohibited Steps Order (to stop him taking her out of school again).

You do this by filling in a form called a C100.

Because he is keeping her off school and behaving erratically, you can ask for an "Urgent Hearing" (often within 48-72 hours).

You don't necessarily need a solicitor if you can't afford one; you can fill the form out yourself online.

My advice? Stop chasing Social Services for now, they aren't coming to save the day. Go to the Court, get the order, and then the Police will help you get her back.

He is relying on you being too scared or confused to act. Prove him wrong.

If any of this info is incorrect that you have mentioned please say
===============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Lzcda]

Hi Lzcda,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Having your child withheld from you is honestly one of the most frightening things a parent can go through, especially when you call the authorities for help and they just shrug their shoulders.

I just want to check I’ve understood who is who, because it sounds complicated:

"The Partner/Dad": This is the person currently holding your daughter (her bio dad?), who claims he is "protecting" her.

"The Ex": This is a different person (a previous partner?) who was accused of something, investigated, and the case was closed (NFA).

If that’s right, here is why you feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall, and what you actually need to do to get her back.

Why the Police and Social Services aren't helping You said "no one is helping because he has rights." Unfortunately, this is the main problem. If he is on the birth certificate, he has Parental Responsibility (PR). In the eyes of the Police, he has just as much right to have her in his house as you do in yours. Unless she is in immediate physical danger (like he is hurting her right now), they view this as a "Civil Matter" or "parents arguing." They won't go kick a door down to get a child back from a legal parent.

It feels wrong, but that is why they are telling you to go to court. They literally can't take sides until a Judge tells them to.

He is using "Safeguarding" as a weapon You asked if he can use the old case against you even though it's closed. The short answer is: legally, no, but practically, he is doing it right now. He knows that if he says the magic words "I am protecting her from a risk," the police will back off because they are terrified of getting it wrong. He is weaponising that old NFA case to control you.

The School is your leverage You mentioned he is keeping her off school. This is actually a big mistake on his part.

Call the school immediately. Speak to the Safeguarding Lead.

Tell them: "Her father has withheld her and is refusing to bring her to school. I am concerned for her welfare and education."

If he keeps her off school, Social Services will get interested, because harming her education is a safeguarding issue in itself.

How you actually get her back (The C100) You cannot wait for Social Services to fix this. They are stepping back because they see it as a custody dispute. You need to force the issue.

You need to apply to the Family Court for a Specific Issue Order (to return the child) and a Prohibited Steps Order (to stop him taking her out of school again).

You do this by filling in a form called a C100.

Because he is keeping her off school and behaving erratically, you can ask for an "Urgent Hearing" (often within 48-72 hours).

You don't necessarily need a solicitor if you can't afford one; you can fill the form out yourself online.

My advice? Stop chasing Social Services for now, they aren't coming to save the day. Go to the Court, get the order, and then the Police will help you get her back.

He is relying on you being too scared or confused to act. Prove him wrong.

If any of this info is incorrect that you have mentioned please say
===============
For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

Yes everything you have said is correct and I have done all of these things now I have done everything right spoke to school and school have contacted soical services twice to get my daughter back to school i really appreciate your help im wondering in the future if I ever went back to my ex would it be a case as hes told me he would take me to court for full custody if I returned to my old relationship which I havent nor am I he just says some awful things and social services im wondering what they would do say 1y down the line he made a call to them about me and my ex even if it wasn't or was back together

[Winter25]

Hi Lzcda,

I am really glad to hear you have already contacted the school and they are putting pressure on Social Services. That is a huge step. It means there is now an "official witness" to him keeping her away from education, and that weakens his position massively.

You asked a very specific question about the future: "If I ever went back to my ex... would he take me to court for full custody? What would Social Services do?"

I am going to be brutally honest with you, because I don't want you to walk into a trap he is setting for you.

The "Ex" is a Loaded Weapon Right now, the Dad is using this threat to control you. He wants you to be scared forever. Even though the Police case was NFA (No Further Action), Social Services operate differently.

Police ask: "Did he definitely commit a crime?" (Evidence)

Social Services ask: "Is there any risk?" (Safety)

So yes, if you got back with your Ex secretly, the Dad could try to use it against you. He would tell the Judge: "Mother is hiding a relationship with a man accused of abuse," and that looks bad.

How to disarm the threat (if you ever did go back) If you ever did want to get back with the Ex (in a year, or whenever), you simply have to do it the "Professional Way" so the Dad can't use it against you.

Also, regarding the Ex: Even though the Police said NFA, Social Services and the Court will look at it differently.

If you ever wanted to reconcile, they will expect you to show you have fully explored why your daughter made that allegation in the first place. They will need to see that you prioritise her emotional reality over the relationship. If you jump back in without resolving that 'Why', they will view it as a major risk.

Don't hide it. If you sneak around, it looks like you know it's wrong.

Ask for an Assessment. Before he moves in or sees the child, you write to Social Services and say: "I am considering resuming a relationship with [Ex]. Given the historical NFA, please can you confirm if you need to do a Risk Assessment?"

If SS says "He is safe," then the Dad cannot use it against you in court. You have a "Safety Certificate."

But for right now... My strongest advice? Stay single. (Or at least, stay very far away from the Ex). You are in the middle of a battle to get your daughter back. You need to present yourself to the Court as "The Safe, Stable Mother." If you get back with the Ex now, while the Dad is withholding the child, you prove the Dad right. He will scream to the Judge: "See! I kept the child because she's with the dangerous ex!" and he might win.

Don't let him scare you His threats about "Full Custody" are mostly hot air. Family Courts don't just hand over children as a punishment because you date someone. They look at actual safety. But right now, he is winning the mind games by making you panic about the future.

Forget the Ex. Focus on the fact that he is keeping your child out of school. That is what will annoy the Judge.

=========

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

[Lzcda]

Hi Lzcda,

I am really glad to hear you have already contacted the school and they are putting pressure on Social Services. That is a huge step. It means there is now an "official witness" to him keeping her away from education, and that weakens his position massively.

You asked a very specific question about the future: "If I ever went back to my ex... would he take me to court for full custody? What would Social Services do?"

I am going to be brutally honest with you, because I don't want you to walk into a trap he is setting for you.

The "Ex" is a Loaded Weapon Right now, the Dad is using this threat to control you. He wants you to be scared forever. Even though the Police case was NFA (No Further Action), Social Services operate differently.

Police ask: "Did he definitely commit a crime?" (Evidence)

Social Services ask: "Is there any risk?" (Safety)

So yes, if you got back with your Ex secretly, the Dad could try to use it against you. He would tell the Judge: "Mother is hiding a relationship with a man accused of abuse," and that looks bad.

How to disarm the threat (if you ever did go back) If you ever did want to get back with the Ex (in a year, or whenever), you simply have to do it the "Professional Way" so the Dad can't use it against you.

Also, regarding the Ex: Even though the Police said NFA, Social Services and the Court will look at it differently.

If you ever wanted to reconcile, they will expect you to show you have fully explored why your daughter made that allegation in the first place. They will need to see that you prioritise her emotional reality over the relationship. If you jump back in without resolving that 'Why', they will view it as a major risk.

Don't hide it. If you sneak around, it looks like you know it's wrong.

Ask for an Assessment. Before he moves in or sees the child, you write to Social Services and say: "I am considering resuming a relationship with [Ex]. Given the historical NFA, please can you confirm if you need to do a Risk Assessment?"

If SS says "He is safe," then the Dad cannot use it against you in court. You have a "Safety Certificate."

But for right now... My strongest advice? Stay single. (Or at least, stay very far away from the Ex). You are in the middle of a battle to get your daughter back. You need to present yourself to the Court as "The Safe, Stable Mother." If you get back with the Ex now, while the Dad is withholding the child, you prove the Dad right. He will scream to the Judge: "See! I kept the child because she's with the dangerous ex!" and he might win.

Don't let him scare you His threats about "Full Custody" are mostly hot air. Family Courts don't just hand over children as a punishment because you date someone. They look at actual safety. But right now, he is winning the mind games by making you panic about the future.

Forget the Ex. Focus on the fact that he is keeping your child out of school. That is what will annoy the Judge.

=========

For full transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the family court system, offering strategic guidance. Always consult with a solicitor regarding ongoing court proceedings.

Thank you for all of your help I really appreciate the advice and help I will be doing everything right for my daughter

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Lzcda

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board. Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about your difficult and distressing situation. I understand that your daughter’s father has kept care of your daughter without your agreement. He has not been sending her to school. You are especially worried as he has poor mental health. He says that he has held on to your daughter because of an allegation she made against your ex-partner which you explain resulted in no further action. He says that he is worried there might still be a risk even though you and your ex-partner are currently separated and he has had no contact with your child. You also want to know what would happen if you and your ex-partner did get back together or your daughter’s father alleged that you did.

You are feeling very unsupported in this situation. You have very sensibly let your daughter’s school know what is happening and that you want her back at school as soon as possible. They have contacted children’s services on two occasions to seek help in getting your daughter back to school. You say that children’s services won’t return your daughter to you though.

There are a few different elements to your difficult situation which I will try to help with:

1) Your daughter’s father - if he has parental responsibility (PR) for her and he says that he is concerned for her welfare (he says he is worried about risk from your ex-partner) then he can exercise his PR for her by keeping her with him for now. Of course, he has not gone about this the right way and has not tried to reach an agreement with you, which he should have done.

However, children’s services cannot remove your daughter from her father’s care – they don’t have parental responsibility for her as they don’t have a care order for her, and she is not on a child protection plan so not deemed to be at risk of significant harm in his care. I know there are concerns though.

In this situation, I would suggest that you get legal advice from a private law service or solicitor about legal steps you can consider to have your daughter returned to your care, if her father won’t agree to do so. You may be able to get legal advice from a solicitor, from Child Law Advice or Rights of Women or support to apply to the court without a solicitor from Support Through Court to apply for a section 8 order. As another parent has suggested this could be a prohibited steps order or a specific issue order or perhaps an emergency application for an interim child arrangements order (CAO). If it is not ‘urgent’ you need to offer mediation first.

2) Children’s services – are they now doing a new assessment of your daughter’s needs? Her circumstances have changed, and you are worried that she is missing school, living with her father without your agreement, that he has poor mental health which may impede his parenting and he is not taking her to school, so her education is being affected too. You don’t say how old your child is, but age can also be an indicator that a child is particularly vulnerable. You should ask children’s services to confirm that they are assessing and to let you know what checks they have made on your daughter’s welfare and how they can support a return home to you or make sure that her father is caring for her properly. Please see our advice on how children’s services work to find out more about their various levels of service.

3) Your ex-partner – it is not possible to provide any detailed advice about the potential consequences if you get back together. You don’t say what the allegation was and even though it resulted in no further action it may still be a concern as it is something your daughter said he did. Her father is saying he is still concerned. So, if you were planning to resume your relationship it would be wise to inform children’s services and give them the opportunity to say if this would cause them to have concerns for your daughter’s welfare. It would also be best if you told them so that you were not worried about your daughter’s father raising this as a concern.

I know there is a lot to consider and that you are feeling heartbroken. It might be helpful for you to get the advice you need by calling the freephone adviceline on 0808 801 0366, the lines are open from Mon to Fri, 9.30am to 3.00pm. An experienced adviser can talk though all the different strands with you and discuss your options. If you prefer, please post back.

The charity Family Line offers a range of practical advice and emotional support services to parents; their contact details are here.

I hope this helps.

With best wishes

Suzie