Unborn baby

[KBD234]

My son has gotten a girl pregnant, she’s about 10 weeks along. Shes refusing to allow him any contact. Shes moved house (we live in the north east, she’s moved several hours away).
She has blocked him and myself everywhere.

She has said she is keeping the baby but won’t tell my son when it is born.

Is there a way we can find out when the baby is born? Is there a court order?

I feel without the courts there will be no way of knowing. This is my first grandchild and I would fully support the girl, but I don’t want to spend the next 6 months wondering if she kept the baby or not.

My son had struggled with addiction which I feel is the reason she doesn’t want him involved, though he is now getting help.

Where do we stand legally? Can we make any court orders without knowing the birth info or if it was even born?

[Winter25]

Hi KBD234,

Congratulations on the news of your first grandchild, even though I know it currently feels more like a crisis than a celebration. It is incredibly painful to be shut out, especially when you are ready to support the mother and your son is working so hard to change his life.

To be honest there is no legal mechanism or court order in the UK that can force a pregnant woman to share her location, medical updates, or the date of the birth. Until the baby is born, the law treats the pregnancy as her business alone.

However, the next few months are not lost time. They are actually the most important months for your son's future legal case. If he ends up in court a year from now, the judge will look at exactly what he did during this period.

He needs to focus entirely on his protective paper trail. This means keeping every single receipt of his recover, letters from counsellors, clean drug test results, and certificates of completion. If he can show a long, unbroken period of stability and sobriety that started long before the baby was even born, it makes it very difficult for a court to deny him contact later.

He must also avoid any behaviour that could be labelled as harassment. Since she has moved and blocked everyone, any attempt to track her down or turn up at her house will be used against him as evidence of being unstable. The best thing he can do is stay quiet and consistent, as painful as that maybe for now.

One practical tip for later though, once the baby is born, birth certificates eventually become public records. If he knows the general area she moved to, he can search the General Register Office (GRO) online to see if a birth has been registered. This is often how fathers in this situation find out the birth has happened without violating any boundaries.

He could also consider sending one really calm, non-confrontational letter or email if he still has a way to do so. It shouldn't beg for contact, it should simply say:
I respect your space and your move. I am continuing with my recovery and staying healthy for whenever the time is right for the baby. I have started a savings account for them etc.

This letter isn't really for her, it’s for the Judge. It proves he was acting like a responsible father from day one.

Once the baby is born, if she doesn't put his name on the birth certificate, he will not have legal Parental Responsibility (PR). He would then need to apply for a Child Arrangements Order and a PR order. A court will almost always grant a father in recovery some form of contact, starting slowly and building up as he proves his stability.

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For transparency, I am not an official adviser. I am a parent with lived experience of the system, offering strategic guidance. Your son should consult a family law solicitor regarding a Parental Responsibility application for after the birth.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear KBD234,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group. I hope that the following advice and information is helpful to you.

I am sorry to hear about this difficult situation. Here at Family Rights Group we offer advice and information about children’s services (the new name for social services). If there is any involvement with children’s services when the baby is born then please do contact us if you would like advice or information.

As another forum user has explained, if the mother is not willing to allow your son to have contact with the baby when he or she is born, then he may have to apply to the family court for contact. The family court will consider what is in the best interests of the baby and can make an order called a child arrangements order which says where the baby will live and what contact he or she will have with your son. The court can also grant your son parental responsibility.

Family Rights Group do not advise further about private law orders such as child arrangement orders, but you can contact the following organisations if you or your son would like further advice:

1) Child Law Advice
2) Both Parents Matter
3) Advice Now


Please could I ask that if you post again you do so on our other forum which is for other relatives. This forum is specifically for parents so it helps us if grandparents can post in the kinship carers’ forum which you can find HERE.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Thursday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie