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[ConcernedMum1]

Hi

I’ve joined because I’ve been having trouble with my 13 year old son’s behaviour and attendance at school. They invited me in for a meeting a few weeks ago where we discussed possible SEN issues which they aren’t helping with and the fact the late marks and exclusions lead to his low attendance. Obviously since then, I had been trying harder to get him to school every day on time. Last week I had to ring my son’s biological dad to help me get him to school. I was struggling that day and my son got a bag and hit me on the chin with it. It had a calculator in so it did hurt but he didn’t mean to hurt me. He apologised and has been we done anything like that before. His dad turns up and he was on his way to school on his bike. He called his dad a fat c*nt so his dad grabbed him at the back of his neck when he was on his bike. My son then went to school upset and the teacher asked why so he told them. The next thing I get a call off my sons dad to ask me to go over there as the police and social services were on their way. I went over and we spoke to them. They said they were happy to see us both working together but that it has to be recorded as an incident both by the police and SS. My son had no marks on him and said he didn’t expect police and SS to get involved. They came to interview him at school and he was shocked by it all. I said he did the right thing telling his teacher if he was upset. Now they want to come to my house for a meeting and I don’t really know what to expect. I have a little girl who’s 4 and his dad has an adopted child who’s 3. I feel like we are all good parents who want the best for our child but this has opened up a whole can of worms for us all. We have nothing to hide but any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ConcernedMum1

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an adviser at Family Rights Group and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation, it is a stressful time for all concerned. I hope the information and advice is of help to you.

You are the mother of two children aged 13 and 4. Your son, aged 13 has been struggling at school. This has resulted in low attendance which have become a concern to you and the school. There have been meetings between you and the school, SEN support has been discussed but no further support has been offered.

Your son’s behaviours have resulted in exclusions and late attendance marks which has affected his overall attendance percentage. You have been trying your hardest to get him to school on time which has caused tensions in your home. The tensions cumulated in an incident between you and your son. He hit you with his school bag and your face was hurt. You called your son’s biological father for support.

Your son’s actions were out of character for him, he said he was sorry and apologized to you. By the time his father arrived your son was on his way to school on his bike. Your son swore at his father, his father grabbed his neck whilst he was on his bike . You son went off to school upset. His teacher saw this and asked why. Your son told the teacher what happened and this resulted in you going to the school to expand on the situation.

The school praised you and your ex partner for working together but also informed you that they would need to raise a safeguarding concern. As a result of this, children’s services are now involved. They (and the police) have spoken to your son at school and made a home visit to his father. Your son is ‘shocked’ by the intrusion into family life, but you have reassured him he did the right thing by speaking to the teacher because he was upset.

Children’s services want to hold a meeting at your home. You do not have anything to ‘hide’ and believe you are all good parents trying to do the best you can in difficult circumstance. However, you are worried about the impact this may have on your families, including the other children who reside with you and your ex partner. You are seeking information and advice regarding the home visit and what you can expect.

When a referral is made to children’s services they have duty to make enquires, to assess the situation and to ascertain whether the referral and subsequent findings meet their threshold for an assessment. The meeting should discuss your child’s needs and situation in more detail and to advise you of what assessment (if any) will be completed. Given the circumstances it is likely an assessment will be completed.

The two assessments available to children's services are a child in need or a Section 47 (child protection) assessment. I have added HERE and HERE links to both for your information and guidance. I would advise you to read through the summaries of both to give you an idea of the process and how children’s services should be working with you, prior to the meeting. Once you know which one they will be completing you can take a more detailed look at the relevant information. To highlight, a child in need assessment is voluntary, therefore children’s services will need your consent to proceed but may escalate if you do not. A child protection assessment (Section 47) is mandatory.

Other children living in the home will also be included in the assessment. This is to ensure a comprehensive overview of the family situation is known and understood. I would advise you to work with the allocated social worker to demonstrate you are safe and responsible parents and also to hopefully receive the support your son needs. Whilst understandably you have concerns about children’s services involvement, most people do, it can also be positive in securing the support your son needs.

I have added HERE a link to our working with social worker guidance. This provides information, advice and guidance in respect of how to work well with social workers and what you may wish to consider if things are not going so well. Please do check it out. Further, I have added a link HERE to the NSPCC. This link will take you to information and guidance when dealing with anger for children aged 11-18.

I hope you find the information helpful. If you have any further questions or enquiries regarding children’s services, please do come back to us here or via or other methods of communication (please see our website for further information).

Best wishes, Suzie.