Relationship with a convicted sex offender, Children's Services and Child Protection Plan — looking for experiences/advi

[Chke1290]

I'm looking for advice from people who have genuinely been through something similar, particularly in England/UK.

I'm a mother of five and Children's Services have been involved with my family for some time. My children are on a Child Protection Plan. The main issue is my relationship with my partner, who I'll call K.

I met K through a mutual friend and we gradually became a couple. When I met him, I did NOT know about his criminal history.

I eventually found out through a Clare's Law disclosure that he had been convicted at Crown Court in 2011 of two counts of rape against an adult woman. He received a lengthy prison sentence and served part of it. He is also a registered sex offender.

This is important: his convictions were for offences against an adult, NOT a child. There is also an historical allegation relating to something allegedly happening when K was himself a young teenager, but this was not what he was convicted of.

Finding out about his conviction shocked me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about what it means and whether I can trust him. Despite knowing his history, I have never personally felt unsafe around him. He has never been sexually inappropriate towards me or my children, threatened me, controlled me or been violent towards me. I have never personally witnessed behaviour that has made me believe he poses a sexual risk to my children.

I understand my experience doesn't prove he is safe and that professionals must consider his history. I'm not trying to minimise his conviction.

Children's Services became heavily focused on K's history and the potential risk to my children. We were placed on a Child Protection Plan.

There have been numerous meetings/reviews about K, my relationship and my ability to safeguard my children. At one point professionals scored me around 3/10 for recognising risk and prioritising my children, later reducing this to 2/10.

They believe I am minimising K's convictions because I remain in the relationship. I've also been doing direct work around grooming and exploitation and have been asked to complete safety planning around what I would do if I became concerned about K's behaviour.

I have engaged with this work and understand the concerns. What I struggle with is the idea that believing K is safe based on my experience automatically means I am incapable of safeguarding my children.

My children's views have also changed. Originally they had different views about K; some were uncomfortable while others wanted him around. They are now all accepting of my relationship with K and comfortable with him being around. I recognise I'm their mother and my interpretation isn't a professional assessment, but I feel their current views should form part of any assessment.

K was recently prosecuted for breaches of his sex offender notification requirements. These were NOT new sexual offences.

The breaches involved failing to notify an alias and notification requirements around staying somewhere where children could potentially live/being away overnight for certain periods.

He initially pleaded not guilty but later pleaded guilty. Probation prepared a report before sentencing and recommended a community-based sentence.

He ultimately received a six-month sentence, suspended for two years, plus rehabilitation/programme requirements.

Importantly, no SHPO was imposed and no new restrictions preventing him from being around children were imposed by the judge. His bail conditions were also removed.

I understand a criminal court decision is different from a safeguarding assessment, but I hoped this would lead to a fresh assessment.

Afterwards, Children's Services told me K was still considered "high risk", based heavily on police information.

I was also told by a professional that K's conviction involved a minor. I have disputed this because the convictions I know about were for rape of an adult woman and have asked for this to be clarified.

There have been discussions about K being involved in meetings, further assessments and potentially assessing whether contact could eventually be appropriate.

More recently, however, I have been told by a manager/professional that no further assessments will be undertaken, and that even if another assessment was done it would not change their position.

This is what I find difficult. If K is effectively considered permanently too risky because of his historical conviction, regardless of future evidence, rehabilitation, behaviour or future assessment, what is the purpose of the ongoing work? Yet I'm being asked to demonstrate I can recognise risk and safeguard my children.

Children's Services currently do not support K having contact with my children. They remain concerned about my relationship with him. There has been discussion that if they believe K presents an unacceptable risk and/or I am unable or unwilling to safeguard my children because I won't end the relationship, this could potentially progress to PLO/pre-proceedings or court.

I'm not asking them to ignore K's history or allow unrestricted contact. I want an evidence-based assessment of current risk and, if appropriate, a pathway towards contact with safeguards.

I'm not looking for people to simply tell me "leave him" or that Social Services are evil. I want honest experiences, including from people who ultimately decided to leave their partner.

I'd particularly like to hear from anyone who has experienced:

A partner convicted of a sexual offence against an adult while Children's Services were involved. Remaining in a relationship with a registered sex offender while working with Children's Services. A Child Protection Plan because of a partner's history. A partner eventually being risk-assessed and contact being allowed. Children's Services changing their position about further assessments/contact. Being told no further assessment would change the professional position. Disputed/incorrect information being relied upon in safeguarding decisions. Challenging Children's Services without immediately going to court. PLO/pre-proceedings in similar circumstances.

Most importantly, what actually helped you demonstrate to Children's Services that you could safeguard your children while remaining in the relationship?

I'm trying to understand whether there should eventually be a meaningful assessment of current risk rather than the historical conviction being treated as the only relevant factor. There have been no new sexual offences and his recent notification breaches have been dealt with by the criminal justice system.

I'm trying to work out what is reasonable to expect from Children's Services, what I should be challenging, and what I need to do to protect both my children and myself.

Thank you to anyone who shares their experience.