Received court papers for contact

[lizc72]

Grandson been with me since he was 10 weeks, he is now almost 12 years. Grand daughter been with us since her 1st birthday, she is 9 but had Global Delay ? autism. Bm has sporadic contact when it suits her. She has 4 children with her with man she lives with.
We have been in contact recently due to grand daughter starting a new school who is supporting her needs and as I dont have PR they said daughter would have to be involved. Never had an issue before which is why I have never pushed to get RO. I have one on grandson and we got this at around a year after he came to us. It had contact set on it but she did one session then moved away with latest boyfriend.
Grand daughter sort of understands who her birth mother is but is quite delayed so knows she was in her tummy but doesnt get it is her mum.
Grandson saw his mum briefly once about a year and a half ago where she took him shopping, ignored him saying clothes were too small and just wanted to say how much she would buy him next time if I agreed. Grand daughter not seen her for 3 + years.
We have had facetime over the last 6 weeks or so but due to grand daughter getting quite worked up I had refused to actually meet up. That and the fact daughter has been asked twice in the past to show she is consistent through letterbox contact and failed. Grandson spoke on first few facetimes but now doesnt want to know her. He has said for a long time he hates her as always lets him down .
Fast forward to yesterday when I received court papers after a message last Thursday saying she had put papers in to court.
She is pushing for contact on both children and wants grandson in school ( he is home educated and doing really well.) Her reasoning is her home education was awful and she doesnt want his to be like it. She knows nothing about what level he is at etc as to be honest she wasnt interested. I have already made an appointment before we even knew she was going to court to get a CAO for mediation but not sure if this can be added into this case or if I need to still do it as a standalone case.
Grand daughter is very unsettled with change of routine and new things and she is just going through building up to full time in new school which is why I said no to actual meetings as she is dealing with enough. Daughter has said due to our relationship nothing will ever be worked out as I keep making excuses for not meeting up. In fact my concern was for grand daughters well being and that her son doesnt want to meet her.
Grandson is worried he will be forced to see her, we have worked though a lot of anger issues with him and he is actually in a really good place right now so this is a big concern. I have older children who play hockey at weekends and so any contact then would be difficult, also husband works shifts and he is the driver.
I know I was stupid to not get PR a long time ago on grand daughter but just need to know what I can do moving forward as really dont believe daughter is doing this because she wants what is best for children. Especially as the date she did the court papers we were still actively talking and facetiming, she had actually had a bit of a tantrum at me about one of her children who live with her as I had made something for her ( she actually got the child to make a video saying she wanted this item) but not the others. Sorry for the long post but just really unsure how courts work with contact when parent has been absent for so long and has a history of neot being consistent but blaming me for it.
Am I likely to have to just suck it up and the kids will be pushed into the contact she wants or will they actually listen to grandson about his feelings and listen to me about how instant changes can affect grand daughter ( her behaviour can get bad to the extent she punches my 18 year old daughter in the face while she is asleep )
Many thanks if you are still awake reading this but just reaching out to anyone who might actually understand the system and point me in right direct.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear lizc72

Welcome to the kinship carers discussion board and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see that you are worried about the current situation regarding your grandchildren and their mother’s application for contact.

It is not clear from your post even though you have had your grandchildren for a very long time in your care whether children’s services were ever involved in their placement with you. Was it just an arrangement between yourself and your daughter?

I can understand from reading your post that you are very worried about the prospect of going to court. It is important that you understand that although your daughter has made this application, the court will be very interested in the background to how the children came to be in your care. What has been happening in the intervening years in respect of contact and other issues. The children will be asked to express their wishes and feelings about contact, and they will be asked by someone called a Cafcass officer or a social worker. This person will report to the court.

There will be a first hearing to see if agreement can be reached if not the court will say what happens next this is likely to include statements and the report called a section 7 report from the Cafcass officer. The court will fix another hearing date and if no agreement in reached then there will be a final hearing when the court will hear evidence. Different things could happen in the case depending and the issues that are brought to the court's attention.

You will be given the opportunity to tell the court your position regarding contact which will be in the form of a written statement for the court. The mother and the children’s father, if he is involved, provide statements to the court. You could ask the court to make a child arrangement order for granddaughter to live with you as part of the current case.

There is no question really of you having ‘to just suck it up’. The court will look at the stability the children have had with you and any decision made regarding contact will be based on the principle of their welfare being of the court’s paramount consideration. As stated above, you will be able to mention the concerns you have set out in this post in your statement to the court.

You might find it helpful to contact this organisation Child Law Advice, who advises if a person does not have a solicitor in a private law family case (that is a case between individuals). Their telephone number is 0300 330 5480. There is also information on this website https://www.advicenow.org.uk/ about going to court without a solicitor.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[lizc72]

Thank you so much for the reply. Grandson was only meant to come for a few days but never left. There was social services involvement but was classed as private arrangement as he was never actually placed with us. As soon as we got RO SS closed case.
Grand daughter came to us as mother couldnt cope with her . We had one visit from social worker who said that as everything was ok with her being with us they no longer needed to be involved with her and closed the case.
Thank you for the advice on how to go forward and hopefully get courts to see the reality of what is happening and do what is best for the children.