Any successes out there for wider family contact?

[Kelloggs46]

It is a long story but I will try to keep it brief.
I am great aunt to a little girl who is now 3.
Her mum was regularly asking me to take care of her from birth until last August. This was a LOT of time. Every weekend from Friday through to Sunday night plus much of school holidays (I am a teacher).
Last August mum asked ne to take child in full-time due to her mental health deteriorating. We undertook a private fostering arrangement.
Mum was clearly struggling all the while, confirmed by her own mother who asked me to get chimd extra time at nursery as mum could not cope with 2 days looking after her even though it was only during day until I got home.
Suddenly due to her mum putting pressure on her, she claimed to be ready to take her back bit her actions did not show this.
Initially she agreed to slow down and do a long transition but then changed her mind.
We tried to help her to see that transition would be best for her child AND for her but she became aggressive and accused me of trying to keep her child.
We tried to get help from social services by way of meetings to help us to work out a plan but they kept telling us to sort it out even though it was clear this was not possible and them even agreeing to a meeting. It did not happen.
Social services suggested we could apply for a child arrangements order and would help us with forms.
They went ahead with mum and agreed her transition plan which we had NO DAY in, even though we had the child with us.
We kept asking for a meeting to be able to discuss the plan as we felt that we should be consulted due to the impact on the child.
Suddenly mum decided that NO transition would take place at all and gave us 5 days notice. Chd was to be removed from everything she had settled into all at once and even us as she had made it clear that she didn't want child to have contact with us.
We felt we had no choice for the best interest of the child bit to apply to court for a CAO but we weren't sure what we were asking for as we actually just wanted her to transition slowly for everyone's best interests.
We had to give reasons and submitted all the evidence of neglect that had occurred in the past due to her mental health and evidence of her own mother allowing it to happen due to the conflict between them as we had concerns that this would reoccur if the child moved back too soon without being sure mum was actually ready. Then mum's mum started telling the child she was not allowed to like me and chimd told me this.
Court ordered safeguarding letter but mum took child back the day before so child no longer in our care and vourt had no grounds to take her from her mum. We knew that.
In court mum and dad both agreed we could maintain contact.
The day after, they denied us any contact and stated we would never see child again as we had insulted their parenting.
Next court hearing did not deal with our application for leave to apply and said that they were dismissing it. Directed MIAMS and said we could reapply if it failed.
We just want contact with the child. Realistically, we would like some time during each of the school holidays so we can take her out and enjoy the time with her. We do not feel that mediation will succeed and will have to apply for leave to apply for a CAO.
As we had her for 44% of her life prior to all of this, we feel we can easily prove a strong relationship with her. However, as part of the decision process is whether parents agree, we know they will refuse. They have made up lies about us trying to prevent mum seeing the child when she was with us and we can prove they were lies bit so far, nobody has been interested in what the truth is and have just taken mum's word, so we are concerned that we will fail the first hurdle.
Are there any success stories from wider family who have been granted permission by the court to apply for a CAO and can you give any advice?
Sorry for the long post and thankyou for reading.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Kelloggs46,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Kinship Carers’ Forum.

I am sorry to hear that you are missing your contact with your great-niece. You explain that you were very much involved in her life; frequently caring for her, at one time under a private fostering arrangement when her mother had some difficulties with her mental health.

The little girl’s mother has now resumed care of her child and the grandmother is involved also. Both the family court and children’s services have concluded that there are no grounds on which to go against the wishes of the mother who is the only person in this situation who has parental responsibility (in law)for the child. You do not mention the child’s father in your post, but it is possible that he also has parental responsibility.

You applied to the family court for leave to apply for a child arrangements order but this was refused and you were asked to attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM). You were told that you could reapply to the family court for leave to apply for a child arrangements order for contact if the MIAM was unsuccessful.
You can read more about the MIAM here.
A mediation, information and assessment meeting is the first meeting between a mediator and people who are in dispute about something. Its purpose is for the people involved to learn how mediation works and whether they think it will help. The MIAM itself is not a mediation session. The people involved can each see the mediator separately.

If family members want to go to court to seek, for example, a child arrangements order, in most cases they must attend a MIAM first. This is to see if the case can be resolved through mediation before they start court proceedings.

You write that the mother and grandmother have depicted you as ‘ insulting their parenting’, which you believe to be untrue. You have stepped in to help on many occasions and have become attached to your great-niece. You feel that the grandmother has put pressure on the mother to resume the full-time parenting earlier than was ideal. It sounds like the mother is insecure and under confident about her parenting. She may have been made to feel that accepting your help in the past has made her less worthy in some way and this could have lead to a defensive attitude. It sounds like there is scope for mediation and better understanding between you all which will benefit your great-niece.

I really hope that the caring adults around your great-niece can find a way to keep the focus on her best interests in having a permanent home with her mother and a continuing good connection with her extended family members.

Your application for leave to apply for a child arrangements order comes under the heading of private family law and this is outside the remit of Family Rights Group. You can find useful information about child arrangements order applications for contact with a child on the website of Child Law Advice here.

I understand that in posting you hoped to have some peer replies about experiences of success in keeping up wider family contact. I hope that you receive some of these.

I also hope this reply has been of some use and that the mediation, information and assessment meeting goes well.

Best wishes,
Suzie