Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Posted: **Wed Dec 04, 2024 8:35 pm**

Ive raised my GS since he was 5mths old as my D struggled. Temp turned to long term all on a family arrangement. During this time my D has rekindled her relationship with her partner and F to my GS who has a violent background against my D and has been in and out of prison on DV charges. Despite this she takes him back. May I also note my GS is on a child protection order despite him living with me? May 2024 I learnt she planned to take my GS from my care after 3yrs of me bringing him up to play happy families with her again abusive partner. I called SS and reported this with proof backing my claims up. My GS was put on an interim care order in June. Because I am physically disabled SS have had concerns about my ability to care for my GS in the long term despite myself bringing him up todate with no help from anyone. Im wheelchair bound due to paralysis from the waist down. My ex husband was also assessed as he made a claim on my GS and was approved despite this man causing DV on me some 30yrs ago who I left due to this. Anyhow, my other children have clubbed together and guve false statements concerning my parenting and as a result I failed my assessment for a SGO and a foster carer. I did marry a second time for 23yrs and he was also approached but declined to comment as he wants no involvement. Personal references were positive as were SS opinions on caring for my GS but they have since changed their tune. I broke down infront of SS and they said this was a concern? I have been cooperative, honest and jumped through hoops throughout this whole process yet somehow i feel discriminated against as my disability is in the assessment numerous times, what i can and carnt do in SS assumptions. Mt family is no more as its caused conflict throughout so its now just myself and GS. SS said this is also a concern asni dont have a supportive network? I do have a solicitor and we are in and out of court like a yo yo. I have never caused any harm to any of my children and refute these false claims. It went to court again on 24th Nov and the judge found in my favour as my assessment was found to be seriously flawed. My GS Gaurdian also backed myself to. SS on the other hand seem to have turned on me since they got the information they needed on my D relationship. SS are not supportive at all and did not agree to assess further assessment being done and want to take my GS from me and place him with my ex husband who has no relationship with said GS what so ever. The judge again agreed to a IS retaking my assessment despite SS not agreeing. My GS is to stay in my care under a S38 until a final hearing and assessment of myself is in place in April 2025. I enrolled my GS in school (nursery) My Doctors, On weekly outings at weekends wether that be swimming or soft play centre. Ive had no financial help bringing my GS up ip until June 2024 from my D or anyone else. I'm 60yrs old and I'm tired of the pain and hurt I'm feeling. I'm tired of the lies being told to authority’s about me, its mind bending and soul destroying. Ive broken down at GS school simply because someone asked how I was? My emotional wellbeing as been knocked sideways. I love my GS with everything breath I take and I'm so afraid of losing him as he has known nothing but myself in 3yrs. My life would not be worth living without this little boy who brings so much joy and light into my life. I don't know which way to turn anymore and luve in fear of losing this precious little boy. Any advice appreciated.

Posted: **Wed Dec 04, 2024 9:20 pm**

Hello @Dobbie and welcome to the forum. What a terrible time you have been having just trying to do the best for your grandchild when all the other adults involved have let him down. It's a brave but very important thing you are doing, and as unfortunately you have discovered, you have become the target for everyone else. Sadly, you are not the first, nor will you be the last I am sure.

It would seem that both the guardian and the judge have seen through the situation. If I read you correctly, an independent social worker is now going to do another assessement. They should start with a clean slate, but will need to address the (false) allegations that have been made in order to put a credible report into the court so please do not distress yourself if they seem to be going over old ground.

One thing social services have identified that is of concern is the lack of support available to you. While there is clearly little you can do to persuade other family members to support you, you might like to look at the list of support groups FRG have pulled together at https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/ ... ort-group/. If there is one near you, I strongly encourage you to contact them. Even just having a chat and perhaps a cuppa with someone that really 'understands' will be a huge benefit. If you do get tearful, they will understand because they will have been there! They will also know of anything local that may also help. I knew of two grandmothers in the same boat as you a few years back who lived in the same area and were able to provide mutual support when the chips were down.

You might also speak to any neighbours you trust to see if any of them can provide regular, or emergency support. The more you can do to address the support question ahead of the second assessment the better. Clearly Children's Services are not going to do it for you, so see what you can set up. I would also have a chat with the head at the nursey school and the GP to see if they have any freindship groups or the like who may be well placed to help.

As for financial support, I should contact your local councillor (details on the local authority website), and/or your MP https://members.parliament.uk/FindYourMP. Both can bring pressure to bear on the council in ways you cannot. They will also quickly see that you are not being unreasonable. You could also put a complaint in about the lack of support for the child, but personally I would be inclined to keep your powder dry on that. Much prefereable to have the elected persons fighting your corner.

I am sure @Suzie, the advisor will be along to provide additional and probably better advice than I can give.

I wish you luck ..... Robin

Posted: **Tue Dec 10, 2024 3:16 pm**

Dobbie wrote: Wed Dec 04, 2024 8:35 pm Ive raised my GS since he was 5mths old as my D struggled. Temp turned to long term all on a family arrangement. During this time my D has rekindled her relationship with her partner and F to my GS who has a violent background against my D and has been in and out of prison on DV charges. Despite this she takes him back. May I also note my GS is on a child protection order despite him living with me? May 2024 I learnt she planned to take my GS from my care after 3yrs of me bringing him up to play happy families with her again abusive partner. I called SS and reported this with proof backing my claims up. My GS was put on an interim care order in June. Because I am physically disabled SS have had concerns about my ability to care for my GS in the long term despite myself bringing him up todate with no help from anyone. Im wheelchair bound due to paralysis from the waist down. My ex husband was also assessed as he made a claim on my GS and was approved despite this man causing DV on me some 30yrs ago who I left due to this. Anyhow, my other children have clubbed together and guve false statements concerning my parenting and as a result I failed my assessment for a SGO and a foster carer. I did marry a second time for 23yrs and he was also approached but declined to comment as he wants no involvement. Personal references were positive as were SS opinions on caring for my GS but they have since changed their tune. I broke down infront of SS and they said this was a concern? I have been cooperative, honest and jumped through hoops throughout this whole process yet somehow i feel discriminated against as my disability is in the assessment numerous times, what i can and carnt do in SS assumptions. Mt family is no more as its caused conflict throughout so its now just myself and GS. SS said this is also a concern asni dont have a supportive network? I do have a solicitor and we are in and out of court like a yo yo. I have never caused any harm to any of my children and refute these false claims. It went to court again on 24th Nov and the judge found in my favour as my assessment was found to be seriously flawed. My GS Gaurdian also backed myself to. SS on the other hand seem to have turned on me since they got the information they needed on my D relationship. SS are not supportive at all and did not agree to assess further assessment being done and want to take my GS from me and place him with my ex husband who has no relationship with said GS what so ever. The judge again agreed to a IS retaking my assessment despite SS not agreeing. My GS is to stay in my care under a S38 until a final hearing and assessment of myself is in place in April 2025. I enrolled my GS in school (nursery) My Doctors, On weekly outings at weekends wether that be swimming or soft play centre. Ive had no financial help bringing my GS up ip until June 2024 from my D or anyone else. I'm 60yrs old and I'm tired of the pain and hurt I'm feeling. I'm tired of the lies being told to authority’s about me, its mind bending and soul destroying. Ive broken down at GS school simply because someone asked how I was? My emotional wellbeing as been knocked sideways. I love my GS with everything breath I take and I'm so afraid of losing him as he has known nothing but myself in 3yrs. My life would not be worth living without this little boy who brings so much joy and light into my life. I don't know which way to turn anymore and luve in fear of losing this precious little boy. Any advice appreciated.

Dear Dobbie

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

I am sorry to read about your situation, from what you have written, it seems that the Judge understands your close relationship with your grandson, and I imagine, knows that for the time being, your home and the care you offer has been the most stable and consistent 'care' in his life and to remove him would be detrimental to his well-being. The welfare principle (checklist) may be helpful to you.

You have said that an interim care order was granted to the local authority in June. At that point your grandson became a looked after child and as his carer you should receive an allowance for him. May I suggest you ask the local authority for financial support including any back payments.

I understand how emotionally difficult the next few months will be for you and wish you the best in your re-assessment with the independent social worker. If you would like to speak with an adviser, our telephone service is open Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays) from 9.30am to 3.00pm on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes
Suzie

Posted: **Tue Dec 10, 2024 9:00 pm**

Update; SS have become somewhat distant towards me regarding communication. I have however become gaurded with SS but make myself available to their demands. 6/12/24 I received a call late evening TELLING not asking me that there is to be an additional day in the week for contact with Mom despite the turmoil this causes due to his routine being disturbed and travel that takes 2hrs there and back. Not only that but my GS will also be spending every other weekend at his GF home with a stay over. SS are calling this sibling time. This is to include Christmas eve/day? SS said they would be visiting my home 9/12/24 yet failed to show or notify me of this! I sent SS a message whilst she was online yet my message has been unanswered? I today sent a message stating in no uncertain terms will i tolerate this treatment from SS. Im not the perpetrator in any of this yet im being treated as such. Health visitor called today and I immediately broke down. Theres false accusations and lies being said about me as I've received the court bundle papers. It beggers beleif. I'm paralysed from the waist down yet there's an accusation that I drove my D in a manual car to see her partner yet my legs don't work? Much more has been said but cannot disclose on here. Toxic lies throughout and SS recommending removal of GS to my ex husbands care. Im honestly broken and at the end of my tether with it all. My mental health is in tatters. Ive no support or help with how I feel. SS have pushed me to my absolute limit. Speaking to people confidentially as I thought have reported conversations I've held with them. I have no trust in anyone anymore. I'm reaching out and begging for help all without avail although I will call the above contact listed above tomorrow. I will keep this post update but can honestly state my dealings with SS has not been a good one. They lie, bend the truth and stab you in the back when push comes to shove.

Posted: **Mon Dec 16, 2024 8:23 am**

Dear Dobbie,

Thank you for the update. I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time.
You explain that you do feel that that the communication from children’s services is distant and that neither your feelings or the scope for practical arrangements about contact are being given enough consideration.

I am sending you a link to the Family Rights Group guide to working with social workers here which has useful tips on how to request and achieve better communication.

You could ask to meet with the social worker and the social work team manager to discuss the breakdowns in communication with you and how this could be improved. If this meeting does not help, then as a kinship foster carer you could consider making a formal complaint. You can read more about the complaints process here

I wanted to say a little more about your status as a kinship foster carer. Since the ICO in June your grandson is a looked after child and you should be paid an allowance and receive practical and emotional support to help you to look after him as his kinship foster carer. You were sent some information about this in the last reply, and I hope that was useful. If you are not currently being paid an allowance or receiving support as a kinship foster carer I would advise that you use the Family Rights Group template letter 1 here to request an assessment as a kinship foster carer and ask for the allowance to be backdated to the first time that your grandson came to live with you.

Approved kinship foster carers are allocated a supervising social worker whose job is to support the carer, so that there is a stable placement in which a looked after child can thrive. If you are recognised as a kinship foster carer at this point you may have only received temporary approval for now. You should check if your local authority provides supervising social workers to temporarily approved foster carers. You can check this by asking for a copy of the local authority’s Friends and Family Care Policy.

The local authority should also be following the recently updated statutory guidance on support for kinship carershere. At page 27 the government guidance states that kinship carers should be approached with extreme sensitivity as they are often caring for a child due to traumatic family events that have also affected them personally. You could refer to this when you speak with the social worker and the social work team manager.

You may also find useful support available from Kinship a charity that supports family carers like yourself. You can link to their website here.
Kinship have a peer support project called Someone Like Me here. Under this scheme you can be matched with another kinship carer who has experience of a similar situation and who can offer telephone support for up to three sessions.

I hope that this helps a little and that these suggestions help you talk with the social worker and the social work team manager about the difficulties you detail here.

You write that you are feeling broken and that your mental health has been affected so I am also including links to organisations that can provide emotional support via telephone or text out outside office hours (and within) so that you can find someone to talk or message with when that can help.

Samaritans contact details are here.
Campaign against living miserably is here.
Shout text service is here.

Best wishes,
Suzie

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