Partner with a criminal record

[CV4TG6]

My children are on a child in need plan. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 3 months. The father of my children is raising concerns as my partner has a past with domestic violence. He has been arrested for this but was always found nfa. The childrens services are now going to do a police check on my partner and I was wondering what will happen next. He was arrested for abh last month for an incident that happened in 2021 which his ex partner has only now decided to report this due to her finding out about our relationship. He is on bail until June and the allergations are all false and there’s obviously no evidence of this incident but how will this effect me and my children and what childrens services will take from this. There has never been any offences involving children. Please advise me. I’m a massive overthinker and don’t want to end this relationship due to malicious lies and my partners past being used against my parenting.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear CV4TG6,

Welcome to the parents' board and thank you for your post.

You say that your children are on a child in need plan. You have been in a relationship with your partner for 3 months. The father of your children has raised concerns as your partner has a history of domestic abuse - he was arrested for this but this resulted in no further action. Children's services are now going to do a police check on your partner and you are wondering what will happen next. Your partner was arrested for ABH last month for an incident that happened in 2021. He is on bail until June. You say the allegations are all false and you would like to know this will impact you and your children.

Given what you have said about your partner and his alleged domestic abuse related offences, children's services are likely to be concerned that he could pose a risk to you or your children. They may also be concerned that you do not believe the allegations could be true and therefore may not act in a sufficiently protective way.

The social worker should work with you to further your understanding of their concerns and to communicate what actions they would like you to take to keep you and your children safe. If you do not agree with this, you can say so, however the social worker may become even more worries and could escalate the level of their involvement. This could mean initiating child protection enquiries. You can read more about this here.

You could ask for your partner to undergo a risk assessment, so that any recommendations or decisions that are made are based off the current risk he could pose.

You may also find it useful to read our page on domestic abuse

I hope you have found this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie.

[EDFR44]

Hello!
I am going through similar, very similar! Been seeing a guy for 3 months & I have 2 girls (aged 3&1). Me & the dad are amazing co parenters. Their dad has met my partner & they get along. He told me & their dad about a criminal record he got 10 years ago for abuse to a man in a care home. He didn’t have so much as any concerns about him before or after this & the report even said this is out of character for him & it was attention seeking from my partner. He has met my girls & been around them. A couple weeks ago my daughter came home from her dads & he lives with his mum & dad. She made allegations against her grandad. Saying her grandad had touched her. The next day I took her to nursery & made them awake of this & to keep an eye & ear out. She said something again & they reported it to social so I am waiting to hear back from them. In the mean time everyone has been speculating & due to my parters criminal record they are pointing the finger at him sadly! I have no concerns with my parter & neither does their dad around my partner. Whilst this is going on I have taken my partner home & said me & my girls can’t be around him just whilst this is happening. I don’t even think her grandad has done this but I’m not going to dismiss or ignore what she has said & I don’t want him getting anymore blame for no reason so for now it’s best his at home out of the picture. I guess I have 2 situations where social are going to look into what my daughter has said & if social will seem my partner safe enough to be around them. He also babysits his nieces & nephews every Friday & he helps to support his nan too. He is also still allowed to work in care! Can someone help just guide the mess that’s going on in my head because I’m researching like crazy & it’s taking over my life. Thank you xx

[EDFR44]

Forgot to say my kids love my partner & my partner was with my when my daughter told me this. & he also has a son that he can see whenever x

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello!
I am going through similar, very similar! Been seeing a guy for 3 months & I have 2 girls (aged 3&1). Me & the dad are amazing co parenters. Their dad has met my partner & they get along. He told me & their dad about a criminal record he got 10 years ago for abuse to a man in a care home. He didn’t have so much as any concerns about him before or after this & the report even said this is out of character for him & it was attention seeking from my partner. He has met my girls & been around them. A couple weeks ago my daughter came home from her dads & he lives with his mum & dad. She made allegations against her grandad. Saying her grandad had touched her. The next day I took her to nursery & made them awake of this & to keep an eye & ear out. She said something again & they reported it to social so I am waiting to hear back from them. In the mean time everyone has been speculating & due to my parters criminal record they are pointing the finger at him sadly! I have no concerns with my parter & neither does their dad around my partner. Whilst this is going on I have taken my partner home & said me & my girls can’t be around him just whilst this is happening. I don’t even think her grandad has done this but I’m not going to dismiss or ignore what she has said & I don’t want him getting anymore blame for no reason so for now it’s best his at home out of the picture. I guess I have 2 situations where social are going to look into what my daughter has said & if social will seem my partner safe enough to be around them. He also babysits his nieces & nephews every Friday & he helps to support his nan too. He is also still allowed to work in care! Can someone help just guide the mess that’s going on in my head because I’m researching like crazy & it’s taking over my life. Thank you xx

Dear EDFR44

Thank you for your posts and welcome to the Forum.

I am sorry to read of your situation. When a child makes an allegation such as the one your daughter has disclosed, social workers, having received the information (referral) will investigate. Working Together to Safeguard Children 2023 has a helpful chart about the referral process, see page 76. Other helpful pages are 89 to 92 and the charts on pages 103 and 104.

You have said that the ‘finger is being pointed at your partner’. It may be helpful for you to request a Clare’s Law disclosure about their history. You have said that your partner is ‘still allowed to work in care’. UNLOCK (the charity, for those with a criminal record) has some information about jobs that are exempt from the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act, you can see them here at this link.

Here are our webpages about child protection.

If you would like to speak to one of our advisers, see our webpages for the advice line opening hours.

Best wishes
Suzie

[Mummy112]

I need advice for a friend
So she’s currently pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her and that ss will find out

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mummy112,

Thank you for your post.
You explain that your friend is 38 weeks pregnant, so is due to give birth very soon.
Children’s services are involved due to your friend’s history with a previous child. You do not give details of the steps that children’s services have taken, and any assessments or reports completed in regard of your friend's unborn child. You do say that things are looking positive and that is good to read.

You can read more about how children’s services work with parents to be here.

You mention the contact your friend has begun with an old friend who is in prison and say that she is concerned about children’s services possibly finding out about this.

Your friend’s decisions on this matter hinge on whether there are risks to her unborn child or any other children in her care identified by children’s services, and whether her contact with her friend in prison is likely to be seen as relevant to management of those risks. Sometimes children’s services are concerned about a continuing or resumed relationship with a particular person who may present a risk to a child. Obviously I am making a general point only as I do not know your friend’s full circumstances or the reasons that children's services are involved.

In general, it is better to be open and discuss any matters that could be relevant with children’s services. The Family Rights Group guide to working with social workers here could be of use to your friend.

Your friend could also reach out for support to any other professionals involved to discuss this contact as it is clearly on her mind and the time just before giving birth can be emotionally demanding. Birth Companions offer support to expectant and mothers who are facing challenges. Their contact details are here.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes,
Suzie