Accused of NAI

[Elithewise]

Im really struggling and I just want some advice as I feel so so alone as my little boy is currently on an interim care order due to NAI and both me and my partner are being accused of it. Plus police involvement.

Were quite far into the case now so sorry if some stuff isn’t included, on the 7th of march we go arrested for GBH as my partner broke my child’s femur I was asleep in the front room and because they don’t believe his mechanism, we got arrested and therefor my babies in foster care at the moment.
We’ve had two court hearings which the first one just said we’d be able to see him for 3 times a week and then the other was just gathering more evidence for a potential fact finding hearing, my next one is in July.

I’m still currently with the partner as I wasn’t in the room so i can’t confirm or deny if what he said actually happened or whether it was deliberate and he’s lied I asked my solicitor what she thinks is best and she said at the moment just see how it goes and wait for the expert medical evidence we’re expecting in June time and for other reports to come back as we still have awhile for the final hearing so I’ve already told my solicitor at any point if I need to make the decision to leave my partner to get my boy back I will as I love him dearly, he was only taken when he was 5 weeks old so I feel like I never got the chance to be his mum.

We’ve got parenting assessments we’re currently in week 3/4 out of 8 and she said it’s going really well and she believes we’re being honest which is great and I told her my worries. My partner who’s the child’s dad I feel like that’s important to mention too has also being cooperative and trying to get support with what he has done.

We also spoke to social worker and asked her if there’s anything we need to do for our son and is there anything we can do? She said there’s nothing else she thinks we can do as we have been cooperative, handed in any paperwork we need to, signed up parenting classes and now started them so at the moment it’s just a sit and wait for everything else to come through and we’ll go from there.

I’ve missed a big chunk out of my first babies life and my partners first child too, we had a social worker before he was born who signed us off as she had no worries and then a week later my son got hurt and later found out she didn’t even do the assessments she was meant to so I feel disappointed as now they don’t trust us due to those reports not being doing however local authorities did own up and said they messed up and that it’s a learning curve which I’m happy it might not happen to other families but disappointed cus it happened to mine.

I just wanna know if anyone else has experienced this and got through it as a family or did they have to split up from their partner to get their little one back? Or just any advice to do with a case on NAI? Even if it’s personal opinions or personal experience that’d be great

My parents believe it’s impossible to be a family again and it’s really getting in my head and I wanna choose my son above my partner but I don’t wanna make that decision lightly as lose that chance my son could ever have his dad. We’re only 18 and 20 so got our whole lives ahead of us. And my family just say I’m choosing my partner over my son but that’s his dad and my solicitor advised me to wait for reports so I’m just stuck in the middle of it all.

And one more question, I know you can’t say if I can get my little one back as only time will tell but with me doing everything they ask and more, help get my little one back or have they already made up their minds and I’m just putting myself through more pain, my solicitor said it’s looking good for me as there’s a call I made which really suggests I wasn’t involved but I’m not sure if that’s enough, I’m just all over the place and really concerned mother and I just want my family back at most my little boy. I hope this isn’t too much I know I rambled I’m sorry about that

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Elithewise

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie I am an online adviser at Family Rights Group and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation. It must be a very stressful and difficult time for you. You feel very alone and are seeking support and information from the Family Rights Group but would also appreciate any advice and support from parents on the discussion board who may have, or are going through, a similar experience to you. I have added HERE a link to an organisation called MatchMothers. This charity offers non-judgemental support and information to mothers apart from their children in a wide variety of circumstances. Please click on the link for further support and information, they also have a support line that you can call to speak directly to a support worker should you wish to.

Your five-week-old baby was removed from your care after sustaining an injury to his femur caused by his father, your partner. Care proceedings are underway and there is an
in place interim care order . Both you and you partner are being investigated by the police for the injury sustained. You are keeping an open mind as to the reason how your child sustained the injury. Your partner has said it was not deliberate.

Your baby is living in unrelated foster care and you have family time with them three times a week. You have a solicitor representing you, there is likely to be a fact finding hearing and a criminal investigation is underway.

You are cooperating with children’s services and your partner are in the process of completing parenting assessments. You have been told by the social worker that your assessment is going well. You have also started parenting classes. You are keen to do whatever you can to demonstrate to children’s services that you are a safe and responsible parent. The social worker and solicitor have said that for the time being there is nothing more you can do until the outcome of the parenting assessment is known.

You have informed the social worker that you will end the relationship with your partner if it is deemed in court that he harmed your child, however, until the outcome is known, you remain in a relationship with him.

You were assessed by children’s services prior to you child being born. They found no concerns and closed their file. However, since then you have been informed that some assessments which should have taken place didn’t and you feel disappointed by this but pleased the failings have been acknowledged and because of this your are hopeful that the same thing will not happen to other parents.

Your parents do not think that it is possible for you to be a family again and that you are prioritising your partner above your child. You disagree with this and argue that you are taking your solicitors advice and waiting for the outcome of the medical findings before making a decision about your relationship with your partner.

You are wondering whether children’s services have already made their mind up regarding your child and whether he will return to your care.

I think it is a good idea to work closely with you solicitor and the social worker, to heed their advice in respect of the parenting assessment, parenting classes and any other actions they feel you should take to demonstrate you are a safe and stable person to care for your child. If the fact finding outcome is that on probability your boyfriend did cause the injury, if you do not separate from him it is very likely, almost certain, that your son will not be returned to your care.

Your child’s Guardian is also an important person within the care proceedings. They are the voice of the child and will form a professional opinion following the local authority’s assessment and care needs to ensure any plans put in place are meeting the children’s needs.

If you have not done so already, I would suggest you speak to your solicitor and social worker about holding a Family Group Conference.

A family group conference is a family-led decision-making meeting. A child’s wider family and support network come together to develop a plan to support a child and keep them safe. This network may include grandparents, aunts and uncles and sometimes close family friends. The meeting is supported and facilitated by a trained and skilled independent coordinator. They help the family prepare for the meeting and attend to support. Pleas click
HERE for further information and advice regarding this type of meeting.

I would advise you to continue to maintain family time with your child, to engage fully during your visits to demonstrate you are able to meet his needs.

If the court decides that unfortunately you cannot care for your child the local authority has a duty to look within both sides of the family and potentially close friends to assess whether there is someone suitable to care for your child. If you have not done so already, I would urge you and your partner to speak to your solicitors and wider family members to find out if someone would be willing to be assessed as a kinship foster carer. I have added a link HERE to further information and guidance regarding the different types of kinship care. I think it would be a good idea for any family members to contact us for further support and guidance if they are willing to consider this. We can provide information and guidance to them individually, outlining the role and responsibilities of children’s services and of them under different types of kinship care.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie