Further prevention of contact with birth mother of my child

[Dadsrights665]

I am a father who has been granted sole custody of my ten year old son. This was granted a few weeks after birth due to social services wanting to put him up for adoption due to his mother having him removed at birth ( she had had s child taken away previously so they decided they should remove him as well). The final court hearing made an order to prevent the mother having any further contact with our son other than letterbox contact. I decided that letterbox contact wasn't in my son's interest so I didn't commit to it, this means there has been no form of communication or direct contact at all since his birth with the mother. Me and his mother were not in a relationship at the time he was conceived or born. My son's birth mum went on to have three more children with somebody else who she was allowed to keep, although originally social services also wanted to put the first one up for adoption due to the other two being previously removed but somehow she fought it and got to keep my sons siblings. My question is, my son has been asking me alot of questions about his mum, and wants to know if he will be able to meet her one day. I don't think this is in his best interest, so I've done everything I can to keep her identity hidden. The issue I'm having is we both live in the same town, so there's always that possibility that we might bump into her and her other kids in the street. Her PR wasn't removed but her right to contact was. I would like to know if there would ever be a possibility that she could contest the no contact order in court in the future? And the likelyhood that she would ever be granted any form of contact? I really don't want her to see him as I dont feel that she is a safe person or that it is needed due to him not knowing her. If she did go to court would they take into consideration that her life has changed and that his siblings are in her care? I'm hoping that this wouldn't be seen as a positive and go in her favour. I would also like to know if there are any legal measures I could put into place to stop her seeing him when he's 18? I've done my best by telling him that she was no good and that shes not relevent but he has become even more curious as he's getting older, I just don't want him to be emotionally damaged by her and I'm trying to protect him. Her contact was stopped on the grounds of poor mental health and the possibility of future emotional harm, so would this still stand in court if she tries to get contact again? She hasn't attempted to go to court or see him but there's always a possibility that she might, as she threatened to a few years ago when she was asking me why I won't commit to letterbox contact, and the fact that a mutual friend told me she was asking about him and how he's doing. If anyone could offer me some advice I would really appreciate it. I may sound like im being unfair but Im just trying to do whats best for my son and I personally think him knowing anything about her would be detrimental. I have enquired about getting her off the birth certificate but I've had no luck. Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Dadsrights665,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. I hope that the following advice and information is helpful to you.

It is clear that you want the very best for your son and want to protect him from any emotional harm. From the information you have given I assume that a child arrangements order was made which stated that your son should live with you and not have any direct contact with his mother.

I will attempt to answer your questions with information and advice:

1) I would like to know if there would ever be a possibility that she could contest the no contact order in court in the future? And the likelyhood that she would ever be granted any form of contact?

Yes, it is possible for the mother to apply to court and ask for the child arrangements order to be varied (changed) so that she can have some contact with your son. The court would ask for an assessment to be carried out by CAFCASS or by children’s services. They would give their recommendations to the court and a decision would be made about what contact would be in your son’s best interests. It is very rare for no contact to be given.

2) If she did go to court would they take into consideration that her life has changed and that his siblings are in her care?

Yes, all relevant information would be taken into consideration. Her ability to care for your son’s siblings would be looked at and the changes that she has made since your son was a baby would be important. Unless there was a very good reason to deny the mother contact with your son it is likely that the court would grant her some contact and expect this to increase over time as they got to know each other.

3) I would also like to know if there are any legal measures I could put into place to stop her seeing him when he's 18?

When your son is an adult he will be able to make his own decisions about who he has contact with. There are not any legal measures that you could take to stop this.

4) Her contact was stopped on the grounds of poor mental health and the possibility of future emotional harm, so would this still stand in court if she tries to get contact again?

The court would consider the mother’s current circumstances – if her mental health has improved then it would take this into consideration. Your son was removed from his mother ten years ago so a lot can change in this time and people can recover from mental illness.

5) I have enquired about getting her off the birth certificate but I've had no luck.

It is not possible to remove a parent from a birth certificate and it will not be possible for her parental responsibility to be removed.


You mention that your son is becoming more curious about his mother as he becomes older. It is of course understandable that you wish to protect him from any possible emotional harm and that you want to keep him safe. It is clear that you have your son’s best interests at heart. However I think it is important for you to consider the reality that the older your son becomes the more he will be able to make his own decisions and the more curious he is likely to become. In this day and age if someone wants to contact another person it has become very easy to do so (through social media etc). Therefore I think that if your son wants to find his mother he will probably be able to do this himself sometime in the next few years once he is a teenager and is more independent.

I would strongly encourage you to consider how you can support your son to do this in a safe way if this is what he decides that he wants. If you try and stop this then it is possible that your son may try to make contact with his mother ‘behind your back’ and the risk of emotional harm may become much higher.

It is also worth thinking about how your son may feel about this when he is older. If you refuse to give him information about his mother this may damage your relationship as he may feel angry about this, especially as the court said that he should have letterbox contact with her.

Finally it is also important to remember that your son has siblings that he may benefit from knowing. Siblings can create a strong sense of identity for children and it may feel important for your son to at least know who they are.


I hope this doesn’t come across as critical – as I have said I can see that you love your son very much and want the best for him. Of course as a parent you want to protect your son from possible harm. I would encourage you to consider what I have written above – and bear in mind that as your son becomes older and more independent he is likely to become more curious and may look for his mother regardless of your feelings about this. For that reason I would suggest that your involvement in this would be more helpful rather than refusing to give him any information about his mother. If you can support him to know more about his mother, and perhaps at some point meet her, then you will be able to protect and support him emotionally with this.

You might also find it helpful to contact Family Action who support parents and offer free emotional support through their service called Family Line. You can find their details HERE. You may find it helpful to talk this all through with someone.

Best wishes,
Suzie