Social Worker IIOC case

[Mango1]

Hi Everyone this is my first post so new here. My partner is potentially facing charges for IIOC. House was raided by police and social services landed next day and removed partner from house until risk assessment completed. Now I have the first meeting on my own with my two children tomorrow. I am just wondering what they would be looking for or what kind of questions they may ask. Just so I am prepared. I have prepared a family protection plan for them to review when here so hopefully this is a good start. Any advice greatly appreciated. This is so scary.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mango1

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation; it must be a stressful and difficult time for you.

Your partner has been arrested and may be charged with viewing child abuse images online. Children’s Services are involved. They requested your partner move out of the family home whilst assessments are completed. Your partner complied with this. To note, children’s services do not have jurisdiction (authority) to remove your partner from his family home. They can only make the request and potentially escalate the situation if he does not comply. It is therefore positive that your partner agreed to this.

In your type of situation, children’s services will be seeking to assess your ability to protect your children above all others. They will need to understand your views in respect of the charges and to support you to put a safety plan in place. It is positive that you have already started this process.

I have added HERE a link to the Section 47 enquiry children’s services are likely to be carrying out. Please do take a read through to familiarise yourself with the process. The information sets out why a Section 47 enquiry has been started, what the process is and how children’s services should be working with you. To further support you with this, I have added HERE our ‘top tips’ when working with social workers. How to work well with them and what you may wish to consider if things are not going so well.


HERE is a link to The Lucy Faithful Foundation. They offer support, guidance and courses for families in your type of situation.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie

[Winter25]

Hi Mango1,

I know I'm posting this a few days late, and I'm so sorry I didn't see your message sooner. I know how terrifying and overwhelming that first contact is. Please, whatever happened in that room, don't let it define you.

I went through a long and brutal battle with social services myself, and I came out the other side as a winner in court. I want to share some advice for the road ahead, because that first meeting is just the start of the assessment process.

*Your Strategy from This Point Forward
The most important thing now is to control the narrative and demonstrate that you are the protective parent. Here is what you need to focus on:

*Document Everything: After your first meeting, send a calm email to the social worker. Say something like: "Thank you for meeting with me. Just to ensure we're on the same page, I'd appreciate it if you could send me a copy of the meeting minutes so I can keep a clear record." This creates a paper trail and holds them accountable for what was said.

*Stay on Message: In every phone call, email, or future meeting, keep bringing it back to your core truth: "My children's safety is my only priority. I understand the seriousness of the situation, and I have taken all necessary steps to ensure they are protected." This is your shield. It shows you are responsible, cooperative, and focused.

*Avoid the Traps: They will continue to test you. They may ask about your feelings for your partner or your future plans. Do not get drawn in. Your answer must always be a calm and firm: "My personal feelings are not relevant right now. My entire focus is on my children's safety and working with you to ensure they are protected."

*The Single Most Powerful Tool I Used
Now, I want to share the one thing that was absolutely key to my own success against social services. Please, please look into the Lucy Faithfull Foundation.

I can't tell you how brilliant they were for me. When social services were trying to trap me and twist my words, the Lucy Faithfull Foundation gave me the support, the language, and the confidence to prove I was the protective parent. They understand this situation inside and out. The courses and guidance they provide are incredible and were the key foundation that allowed me to successfully prove my case. Contacting them was the single most important and effective step I took.

*Your Final, Crucial Step
If you haven't already, you must contact a solicitor who specializes in Children's Services cases. Do it now. You need someone in your corner who understands the law and can fight for you. The advice from the Lucy Faithfull Foundation combined with a good solicitor is an incredibly powerful combination.

Please know that you are not alone in this. What you're going through is one of the hardest things a parent can face, but you have the strength to see it through. Stay focused on your children, use the resources available, and know that there is a path through this.

You can do this.

[oneafter900]

Hi Everyone this is my first post so new here. My partner is potentially facing charges for IIOC. House was raided by police and social services landed next day and removed partner from house until risk assessment completed. Now I have the first meeting on my own with my two children tomorrow. I am just wondering what they would be looking for or what kind of questions they may ask. Just so I am prepared. I have prepared a family protection plan for them to review when here so hopefully this is a good start. Any advice greatly appreciated. This is so scary.

I was your husband 10 years ago and im afraid you will be in for the long haul. It is likely your husband has been looking at nasty stuff otherwise they wouldnt both targeting him for arrest, and you should prepare yourself for the truth to eventual come out. 10 years later im divorced and still cant fully see my children unsupervised at my own home, only in the community. That said its not likely hes any danger to them or any children but the social services will not entertain that until you are broken up. They will bide their time until he’s charged, twist words in reports, accuse you both of various nonsense, and even commission educative courses for you to prompt you into leaving him. By then you’ll probably want to anyway.

They’ll leave you in limbo once that happens and he’ll be forced to take you, a person he loves, to court to try and force a court to make a ruling in his favour that they wont give, even if the Lucy Faithful and other experts are commissioned to assess you and they find in your favour.

Even if the experts say there is no link between porn and contact offences he will be labelled a danger to kids.

Dont trust social services
Advice your husband to keep his mouth shut and dont talk to social services or try and explain anything - they will twist his words
Dont tell friends why even if you divorce or just ignore them and go quiet until at least he is convicted.
Don't tell any wider family than you have to
Before he is fired tell your husband to quit his job so eventually he can get a new one when the rehabilitation period is up.
Only tell the police what he has to once convicted - you dont need to let them in your house and answer their questions if they ever visit (they dont)
Shut the ***** up in general

[Edited by Suzie]

[Winter25]

Hi Mango1,

I'm posting again because I've just read the powerful and heartbreaking reply from "oneafter900". I want to acknowledge his post because his pain is real, and his story is a stark warning of what happens when this system is allowed to run out of control. We should all listen to his experience.

However, his advice on how to handle the situation—to "shut up," disengage, and hide—is based on a fight from ten years ago. In 2025, following that advice would be catastrophic. I need to be very clear about why.

*The System Has Changed: Why "Silence" is No Longer an Option

In the past, you could sometimes fly under the radar. Today, the system is designed to see a failure to engage as the biggest red flag of all. If a parent refuses to talk, refuses to explain, and just shuts down, social workers are now trained to interpret that as:

Proof of guilt: "They must have something to hide."

A lack of insight: "They don't understand the seriousness of the risk."

An unwillingness to protect: "They are putting their relationship before the child's safety."

Following a strategy of silence today would almost guarantee that social services escalate the situation, likely telling a court that they have no choice but to remove the children because the parents are refusing to work with them to ensure safety. Although you can fight it, best to defend yourself right form the start to deaf any corruption at the heart of it all

The Modern Fight: Controlled Engagement

"oneafter900" described the problem perfectly: a system that will twist your words and try to break you. But the solution is not to stop talking; it's to control how you talk.

This is why the original advice I gave you is so important. You don't hide. You engage, but you do it on your terms:

Everything in Writing: Creates an undeniable record.

A Clear, Consistent Message: Repeating "my children's safety is my only priority" is your shield. It's a message they cannot twist.

With a Solicitor: Having a legal expert in your corner stops them from bullying you.

Using Expert Support: Engaging with organisations like the Lucy Faithfull Foundation shows you are proactive and taking the issue seriously.
=========================
A Message for "oneafter900"

oneafter900, what happened to you is a tragedy, and thank you for having the courage to share it. It sounds like the system failed you completely. The fight has changed, though. The way we win now is not by hiding from them, but by building a wall of evidence and professionalism so high that they cannot knock it down. It is about proving them wrong, on the record, at every single turn. Arm yourself with the Law and you can win

Mango1, stick to the plan. Stay in control, stay professional, and document everything. You are on the right path.

[Winter25]

I was your husband 10 years ago and im afraid you will be in for the long haul. It is likely your husband has been looking at nasty stuff otherwise they wouldnt both targeting him for arrest, and you should prepare yourself for the truth to eventual come out. 10 years later im divorced and still cant fully see my children unsupervised at my own home, only in the community. That said its not likely hes any danger to them or any children but the social services will not entertain that until you are broken up. They will bide their time until he’s charged, twist words in reports, accuse you both of various nonsense, and even commission educative courses for you to prompt you into leaving him. By then you’ll probably want to anyway.

They’ll leave you in limbo once that happens and he’ll be forced to take you, a person he loves, to court to try and force a court to make a ruling in his favour that they wont give, even if the Lucy Faithful and other experts are commissioned to assess you and they find in your favour.

Even if the experts say there is no link between porn and contact offences he will be labelled a danger to kids.

Dont trust social services
Advice your husband to keep his mouth shut and dont talk to social services or try and explain anything - they will twist his words
Dont tell friends why even if you divorce or just ignore them and go quiet until at least he is convicted.
Don't tell any wider family than you have to
Before he is fired tell your husband to quit his job so eventually he can get a new one when the rehabilitation period is up.
Only tell the police what he has to once convicted - you dont need to let them in your house and answer their questions if they ever visit (they dont)
Shut the ***** up in general

[Edited by Suzie]
[/quote]


Hi oneafter900,

I wanted to reply directly to your post. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It is a powerful and heartbreaking account of how destructive and biased this system can be, and your pain and frustration come through loud and clear. It sounds like you have been through ten years of absolute hell.

You wrote about your past, but I want to ask about your future. You've been living with these restrictions for a decade, and it sounds like you've resigned yourself to them. But if you wanted to, there is a path to try and change this. It's not about re-fighting the old battles or proving they were wrong back then. It's about creating new evidence that proves you are safe now.

If you have any fight left in you, here is what a modern strategy to change a long-standing order looks like:

Step 1: Commission a New, Independent Risk Assessment
This is the single most important thing you could do. The old assessments are ten years out of date. You need to proactively commission your own, fresh risk assessment from a nationally recognised, independent expert.

Who to contact: An organisation like the Lucy Faithfull Foundation or another specialist provider that is respected by the family courts.

What it does: This assessment would focus on who you are in 2025, not who you were in 2015. It would look at your current life, your understanding of your past behaviour, and assess your current level of risk. A positive report from an independent expert is the most powerful piece of new evidence you can create.

Step 2: Undertake Proactive Therapeutic Work
Alongside a new assessment, you could engage in some form of modern therapeutic work that is relevant to your original offence. This isn't about admitting guilt for something you feel was unfair; it's about showing a court that you have spent time reflecting on past behaviours and have developed new strengths. It demonstrates insight, which is something courts value highly.

Step 3: Apply to Vary the Order
Once you have new evidence in your hands, a positive risk assessment and a report from a therapist, you then have grounds to go back to court. You would make an application to vary the existing Child Arrangements Order.

You would not be arguing that the original decision was wrong. You would be arguing that circumstances have significantly changed over the last decade, and that your new evidence proves the current restrictions are no longer necessary or proportionate.

It's a long road, and it's not a guaranteed win. It would mean putting yourself back into the system that hurt you so badly. But it is a path forward. After ten years of living with the consequences of their judgment, this is how you could give a court a reason to make a new one, based on the man you are today.

Whatever you choose to do, thank you again for sharing your story. It's a vital warning for others

[oneafter900]

No offence but you're living in social services fantasy land.

Twice i’ve been through the court - both times a guardian was appointed and both times it took 2+ years.

Each time an expert was asked for - first time LFF whom i met with for 6 hour interview and they commsiioned a report to say my risk was as low as it could be, i was loving father highly intelligent and should be allowed ‘mundane’ contact i.e. dull as normal dad time. Despite asking for expert input the court left it with my only option being supervised access (by my parents) every sunday.

the next time they asked for a psychological assessment - again massively low risk, ive got my career back (im a fairly senior accountant), my own house, relationships, etc. The guardian decided they couldnt (for no reason they could explain under questioning by my barrister) agree to unsupervised and suggested unsupervised at only my house but jot in the community as i could faciliate contact with my children’s friends (a new argument out of nowhere). the judge bizarrely decided the opposite (community only unsupervised) otherwise it is back to my parents house or drag one of them (they’re late 70s) to my house to ‘supervise’. The judeg left the order open to ‘be decided between parents how contact progresses’. At some point my daughter will be old enough to just come round to mine on her own (shes 11)

The latter expert agreed i had no more work to do - ive already done a ten week’s pedos anonymous course with the LFF 7 years ago coming out of the first court process. Everyone at court agreed there is NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO

No one in the system knows what to do - they just want you to ***** off.

My ex wife has today said she doesnt want to relax conditions despite me pleading for the last 3 years so i’ll be applying again.

[Winter25]

Hi oneafter900,

I need to start by saying: you are right. What you described is the brutal reality of the family court system that a lot of people don't want to admit. You followed the "rules," you got the expert reports, you proved you were low risk, and the system still failed you. Your description of it being a "fantasy land" is, for many of us, the absolute truth. Thank you for not shying away from it.

It sounds like you have been through the wringer twice and proven your case, only to be blocked by a risk-averse guardian and a judge who then created an impossible situation by giving your ex-wife a total veto. That is an infuriating and deeply unjust outcome.

You said you are applying again, and I can only imagine how exhausting that feels. For what it's worth, I wanted to share a thought on how the fight might have to change this time. The battlefield has shifted.

The argument is no longer about your risk. You have already proven that, twice, with expert reports. To go back a third time and just say "I'm still low risk" will likely get the same result!

The argument now needs to be about the emotional harm the current situation is causing your children.

The court has created a stalemate where your children are denied a normal, loving relationship with their father because of a parental deadlock. The new argument should be that this stalemate itself is now the primary source of harm. The focus needs to shift from you to them.

The other massive change from your last battle is that your daughter is now 11. She is no longer a young child whose feelings can be interpreted by adults. She is now of an age where her own wishes and feelings carry significant legal weight (what they call "Gillick competence" you can research this yourself). Her voice is now a powerful tool that wasn't available before.

The court needs to be made to hear directly from her, perhaps through a new CAFCASS report or an independent advocate. The key questions are no longer "Is Dad a risk?" but:

"What does this 11-year-old girl want?"

"Is it harming her to continue to restrict her relationship with a father who all the experts say is safe?"

"Is it in her best interests to remain in a situation where one parent can veto any and all progress?"

It's not about re-running the old fight. It's about starting a new one, with new evidence (your daughter's voice) and a new argument (the harm of the current stalemate).

I have no idea if it will work, and I completely understand your profound cynicism. But you have a new weapon in your arsenal this time. I truly wish you the very best of luck. You've earned a just outcome.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

No offence but you're living in social services fantasy land.

Twice i’ve been through the court - both times a guardian was appointed and both times it took 2+ years.

Each time an expert was asked for - first time LFF whom i met with for 6 hour interview and they commsiioned a report to say my risk was as low as it could be, i was loving father highly intelligent and should be allowed ‘mundane’ contact i.e. dull as normal dad time. Despite asking for expert input the court left it with my only option being supervised access (by my parents) every sunday.

the next time they asked for a psychological assessment - again massively low risk, ive got my career back (im a fairly senior accountant), my own house, relationships, etc. The guardian decided they couldnt (for no reason they could explain under questioning by my barrister) agree to unsupervised and suggested unsupervised at only my house but jot in the community as i could faciliate contact with my children’s friends (a new argument out of nowhere). the judge bizarrely decided the opposite (community only unsupervised) otherwise it is back to my parents house or drag one of them (they’re late 70s) to my house to ‘supervise’. The judeg left the order open to ‘be decided between parents how contact progresses’. At some point my daughter will be old enough to just come round to mine on her own (shes 11)

The latter expert agreed i had no more work to do - ive already done a ten week’s pedos anonymous course with the LFF 7 years ago coming out of the first court process. Everyone at court agreed there is NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO

No one in the system knows what to do - they just want you to ***** off.

My ex wife has today said she doesnt want to relax conditions despite me pleading for the last 3 years so i’ll be applying again.

Dear oneafter900

Thank you for posting, I am Suzie online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I note from your post that you had children’s services involvement after the police referred your family to children's services 10 years ago it appears for similar issues, indecent images of children (IICO) to the poster’s partner.

You are still only able to have unsupervised contact with your children in the community an order made in private family law proceedings. Whilst I can understand your frustration at not having contact in your home, it seems children’s services are not now actively involved.

It is good that you have had positive outcomes regarding risk from experts who have assessed you, but your former wife is not willing to allow unsupervised contact in your home. Do you have any other family who would be will to supervise contact in your home even it does not include overnight contact to begin with. Perhaps you could suggest this when you make your application to the court.

Our remit of advice does not include private law proceedings, but I think it is commendable that you have worked hard to show you are not a risk to your children.

I hope you will have a positive outcome with the court on your application.

Best wishes

Suzie