No one to rely on. Re: Unsupervised Dad

[DS21]

Hi .

My husband just signed his papers and was placed in SOR. We are not aware that it means he cannot be left alone with our kids unsupervised.
Our "first" knock happened December 2020 and on 6th of January 2021, all restrictions were removed. Then, after 10 months my husband signed the cautioned and was included in the list of SOR.
Within the period of time from my daughter was born (2015) up until now, we were happy living together. It just that unfortunately, my husband happens to made a mistake because he wants to pinned down the bad guys and ended up having those photos in his gadgets.

Our current situation, we do not have any relatives here in the UK, no one to rely on and trust. No access to universal credit. We cannot ask for help to our friends and co-workers since they also have their own family and commitment of their own.

We were visited by our social worker but ended up being so stressed after the meeting due to the fact that we don't have any options but at least consider our situation.

My husband has been the primary carer of our daughter since birth and up to now. We asked them if they could consider my husband to look after my daughter and my unborn child (I am due few weeks from now). We understand the law and as much as we want to have a child minder, we cannot afford it.
We cannot commit to a plan that's temporary. We are run out of options.

I guess, what will happen is it will be escalated if we don't come up with a better solution.

Is there someone in here that could give us some advice or have the same situation.

Thank you.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DS21

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am FRG’s online adviser. I can see that you are experiencing a stressful time. I understand that the current situation is difficult for you.

You have explained that your husband accepted a caution in relation to an offence involving sexual images of children. As a result he has been placed on the sex offenders’ register which means that he has to comply with certain notification requirements.

As you have a child and another baby due very soon, children’s services have become involved and are, I think, undertaking an assessment or, if the assessment has already been completed, are wanting to put a safety plan in place. This will either be a child in need plan or, if the child/ren are considered to be at risk of significant harm, then it may become a child protection plan.

Here is an explanation of why children’s services have concerns about the risk of child sexual abuse.

When children’s services are doing an assessment in these situations they may ask the parent who committed the offence to move out while they assess or they may request that he is fully supervised around their child/ren at all times. As well as considering any risk that your husband may pose, the social worker will also explore your ability to be protective of your child/ren. It is important not to play down the reasons for your husband’s sex offender registration as your role in making sure your child/ren are safe is key.

You say that you can’t commit to a plan that is temporary. It may be that a temporary plan is necessary for your child/ren’s protection until further work has been done. This could include the social worker risk-assessing your husband, requesting that he undertakes an assessment with a specialist service, asking him to do a particular programme or asking you to do protective parenting work. Has the social worker explained what is meant by temporary or what recommendations they are making about what you and your husband can do to manage any risk? They would need to regularly review any temporary plan.

I can understand that there is a lot for you to deal with especially as you are heavily pregnant, you don’t have family here and I think you may be the main wage-earner in your family. So asking your husband to leave the family home or requiring him to be supervised all the time around your child/ren is not easy for you. The social worker could assess your ability to supervise or maybe a friend or colleague may be more willing to help than you realise.

You are right that the situation could escalate if a safety plan and further plan of action cannot be agreed. It will be important that you and your husband work with any professionals involved. These tips on working with social workers may help.

We have information here about the steps that children’s services’ can take, in the most serious situations, when they think a child is unsafe at home due to sexual abuse.

The best thing for you and your husband to do for now is to make sure that you understand the concerns and that you can show the social worker that you are doing what you can to work with them while they consider any possible risks to your daughter and the baby when born. Try to see if you can come up with any other supports and ask the social worker to help make a plan that is safe and workable.

You might also find it helpful to an adviser at Parents Protect on freephone 0808 100 0900 and to have a look at their website.

You can also ring Family Rights Group’s freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366 – the opening hours are Mon to Fri (except Bank Holidays) from 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. You can also post back if you have a new query.

I hope the baby’s birth goes well.

Best wishes

Suzie

[DS21]

Hi Suzie.

Due to enormous stress brought up by this incident, I delivered my baby early than it supposed to. Luckily, the baby is fine and healthy.

We were visited by the police last Friday and based on what they told my husband, he is not a risk around our children. We also inform them about our current situation and they understand.

As of the social worker, I spoke to her and she will come by together with a colleague. Which based on my understanding, we have been escalated for not having a "permanent" plan because our social worker insists she cannot accept the "temporary" plan that we told her.

I called the Parents Forum number for enquiries, as well as Citizens Advice but still no other option or solution that was made. We are left with no other option but to beg for a little consideration. The social workers can assess us every month if they wish to, it's not a problem to us.
My point is, let say that my husband is on SOR list but I don't think they assess my husband if he pose danger to our children. The social worker did not assess how our daughter's relationship with her dad, so how will they know?

As I mentioned, we don't have any relatives here or friends or colleagues to rely on. No access to public funds or universal credit. There's no other option for our family. What will happen to our children? Sacrifice our budget for food, housing and utilities for a child minder which wil costs us £600-£800/month. That's too much.

We are so hopeless right now.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DS21,

Thankyou for your further post. Congratulations on the birth of your baby – I am very glad to hear that the baby is well despite being born early. I am sorry to hear that you have been under so much stress that it triggered an early birth.

You say that you have spoken with the social worker and that they said that they will visit you with a colleague. Hopefully this meeting will give you some clarity about what steps (if any) children’s services feel they need to take next. As I said previously they may feel that the children would benefit from being on a child in need plan, or if they are concerned that your children are at risk of significant harm then they may hold a child protection conference which could result in the children becoming subject to a child protection plan. It is important that you feel clear about what steps children’s services feel they need to take next.

As I said previously it is important for you and your husband to continue working in partnership with children’s services, acknowledging the concerns and showing the social worker that you are doing what you can to work with them and keep the children safe whilst they complete any assessment.

Please do post again if you have any further queries or updates. You are also welcome to call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm).

Best wishes,
Suzie

[DS21]

Update.

Hello. Our SW visited us for the last time and she will handed it over to another SW who will handle our case by next year 2022.

We discussed today about placing our kids to child in need plan. They're gonna schedule a meeting thru Microsoft Teams together with my husband's visor, school teachers and other that is involved in our current situation. Does it mean that we're already red flagged by the SW? I forgot to ask our SW about it.

So far, the outcome of our conversation today was way more better compared the last time. I am thinking positive about where we are heading to, but to be honest I am still quite anxious every now and then. I think because of what we have been through for a year now. It has been an emotional and psychological exhausting for me and my husband. And since, we don't have any relative here in UK, it's hard and leaves a heavy burden for the both of us to handle.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DS21

Thank you for your updating post.

It is good that you had a positive meeting with the social worker, and you feel a lot better compared to the last meeting. The plan, from what you say in your post, is for your children to be on child in need plan and a professionals meeting is to be scheduled to discuss this further.

The change of social worker may be because a different team within children’s services will be looking after your case.

You asked whether you have a red flag because a meeting in being set up. It is normal practice to have a meeting prior to a child in need plan being put in place. The meeting is to discuss what support is needed, what is going to be offered, you can explain what would be helpful to you as a family. Once the child in need plan is made, it is important that you and your husband do what is asked of you. If not, and children’s services form the view that the child in need plan is not working, then the case could be escalated to child protection. Information relating to child protection has been given to you in previous posts.

It is understandable that you may become anxious about your current situation but the important thing for you to do is to ask questions so that anything that is unclear can be explained. From what you have said in your post both you and your husband have been trying to work positively with children’s services and this has been considered which is probably why the decision at present is for you children to be on child in need plan rather than child protection.

Whilst the situation is difficult for you with no support from family, I suggest that you both continue to engage with children’s services. Please read the information given regarding child need in plans here

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie

[DS21]

Hi Suzie.
Just an update, now we are stressed again unfortunately.

From the last time we spoke to our previous social service, she said she spoke to her manager about our peculiar case such as no immediate relative support, no access to public funds and we were advised to adhere on a plan that will make the kids be under the care of my husband.

My husband has been in contact with Lucy Faithful Foundation ever since. The social service told us to “proactively” speak about programs they could offer to my husband. And my husband did. A consultant from the Lucy Faithful Foundation told my husband that he does not fit to any programs they are offering because as per their professional assessment my husband is not fond of child pornography. We also took a 3 bedroom house to widen our option about childcare. Its been really exhausting to move our things with kids under our care but we think this will be worth it based on the care plan we have talked about on the zoom meeting with the school representative and the social service.

We immediately informed the social service about the consultant and change of address and gave them the email address of the consultant my husband spoke to if they wish to have a feedback.

But by then another social service representative came asking us to look for a childminder again. As per her she went to our old address but we have informed everyone including the previous social service representative that we recently moved. And things have gone back to square one.

We have been looking for a childminder since november up to now. We also requested my work to do a fixed schedule which my employer supported. But we are still having a hard time to get a childminder for ourselves.

Now its the 30th of March and I'm about to go back to work around 22nd of April. The new social service is threatening us to send our kids to foster care or kicking my husband away from the house if we fail to look for a childminder as it seems they said we don't take this matter very seriously. It's saddens and upsets me with what she says cause we have been very serious about this from the beginning. Our kids is our life.

With all the adjustments and resources we already spent everything turns in vain.

Now we have been turned down by dozens of childminders locally. And still in search for another one.

Now we are wondering what if we haven't found ourselves a childminder for our kids? Will they take them away from us? If yes how and for what grounds?

My 6-year old daughter can hear conversations and can somehow comprehend the conversation we had with the new social service in her initial visit. It gave her anxiety thinking she might end up being in a foster care and kept asking about it.

After all the efforts and resources we have already spent. We ended up nowhere again with the new social service representative. There were lot of information that have never been endorsed as the new one don't have any clue about what we have built with the previous representative.

We found ourselves now running out of time and resources to be honest. We are in need of help.

Thank you

Respectfully yours,
DS21

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DS21

Thank you for your update. I am sorry to hear of your ongoing stress. I hope the information provided below is helpful to you. I can see from your posts that you have been dealing with this matter for some time. Please do call our advice line if you would like to speak to someone in person. Sometimes it can be helpful to speak to someone directly to alleviate anxiety. You may also find it beneficial to speak to your G.P. to seek support, if you haven't already done so.

It is positive that your husband has taken a proactive approach to seeking support from the Lucy Faithfully Foundation . It would be a good idea for him to ask them for a copy of the assessment they have completed which states he is not a suitable candidate for their programmes or courses. You could then pass this information to the allocated social worker to evidence the steps he has taken and the response he has received.

I am sorry to hear of the ongoing difficulties you are facing when trying to find a suitable child minder. It is positive that you have moved to a larger property to widen your options for childcare. Have you considered an Au Pair now that you have a larger property? Au Pairs usually live with the family they work for. They’re treated as a member of the family they live with and according to the government website their starting wage is approximately £90 a week. Please see the link above for further information and, of course discuss this potential option with the social worker for further guidance.

It is very important that you have a clear understanding of the possible steps Children’s Services may take if they feel your children are not appropriately safeguarding when you return to work in April. I suggest you discuss this with them as a priority and ensure you have written confirmation of plans agreed. I have added a link HERE which provides information and support for parents should their children go into the care of the local authority. I have also added a link HERE which explains significant harm and likely significant harm. This is a measure Children’s Services use when assessing risk to children.

You say your child has overheard some of the discussions between you and the social worker and she is now anxious. This is a normal response. It will be important for her to be given age-appropriate information in the hope of reducing come of her anxieties. I suggest you speak to the social worker to discuss. It may be they provide 1:1 support or arrange something is school for her. Of course, going forward you will also want to make sure your daughter does not overhear any future discussions. I would suggest you discuss this with the social worker prior to your next meeting.

In respect of the new social worker and, you stating you are back at ‘square one.’ It would be a good idea to ask the social worker and their team manager (who has hopefully remained the same throughout) to agree to a meeting with you and your husband to go through the plan and recommendations to avoid repetition of work already completed and agreed. Further, from the information you have provided it seems you did all that you could to ensure Children’s Services were informed of your move. It is their responsibility to ensure records are updated therefore criticism should not be aimed at you. As previous advised, I suggest information shared verbally is followed up with written communications to avoid misunderstanding and as proof should you need it for future reference.

I hope you find this information useful.  Should you wish to speak to an adviser please call our free advice line: 0808 801 0366 (Mon to Fri 9.30a.m. – 3.00p.m excluding bank holidays). Or you can, of course, post again on here.
Best wishes, Suzie.

[DS21]

Hi Suzie.

I think our case was mishandled by our SW.

Anyhow, latest update is my husband will have his Risk Assessment soon and I have few questions in mind.

What he should expect during the assessment? Does he need to bring any important documents? How long before we received the result of the assessment? What are the next step after that?

Thank you xxx

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear DS21

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post.

I am sorry to hear that your think your case was mishandled by the social worker. Have you discussed your concern about this with the social worker’s manager or considered if you wish to make a complaint ? You can find out more about how to do so here.

When you last posted your child was, I think, on a child in need plan. Is this still the case?

It is good to hear that your husband’s risk assessment is due to begin; I know that you have been waiting a long time for this to happen.

You ask a number of very reasonable questions but unfortunately I am not able to answer them in any great detail or with any definitive answers as I do not have the information to do so.

Is your child’s social worker doing the risk assessment or is it an independent risk assessment begin completed by a qualified assessor from a specialist service? Either way, they should be able to provide you with some clarity, in writing, about the process involved including the framework they are operating under, the proposed timescale i.e. the number of sessions involved in completing the assessment and the proposed date when you will receive a copy of the assessment. The assessor should be able to tell you what risk assessment tool they are using.

You should also ask the social worker to indicate the next steps depending on the outcome of the risk assessment. This could include your child’s case being stepped up or stepped down depending on the analysis of the situation.

There is no specific guidance which sets out the timeframe for completion of this risk assessment, however, your local children’s safeguarding partnership board may have a protocol for this. You may be able to find it online.

The risk assessment may include the following: an exploration of risk factors and behaviours, current circumstances, protective factors, and consideration of future behaviours.

I hope this is helpful.

Please post again or ring the freephone advice line (0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm) if you would like to discuss the situation further or if you have a new query.

Best wishes

Suzie