Advice and help needed

[Cass18]

My granddaughter has been well looked after and was a happy child. But in January this year following phone calls from her older half sisters ( 21 year old)about their mothers drinking childrens services became involved and a CP plan put in place. My daughter in law does not drink to the degree they stated snd my ex husband visited following the older girls saying she was drunk only to find she wasn’t and hadn’t even had a drink. There were 3 incidents in 10 months ( my daughter in law has pancreatitis her consultant is angry that it’s assumed it’s alcohol related and indeed sent a letter stating she had her gall bladder out and this caused the pancreatitis along with an auto immune disease). The first incident daughter-in-law returned from hospital having been in all week and on iv morphine. She took my granddaughter to the park twice so she could have fun, she booked for the whole family, cleaned the house etc, my daughter in law doesn’t eat well and often her meals are either in the oven or microwave but oven not on. She lay on the sofa and closed her eyes on this first incident she wasn’t asleep but 6 year old rang older sister who has a child and lives around the corner and said she was hungry couldnt wake ‘mummy’ up, the 17 year old was upstairs came down and spoke to her mother and got 6 year old something to eat but knew oven wasn’t on or that the dinner was my daughter in law. This was never investigated and 17 year old never asked so danger statement 1 reflects the danger of my 6 year old granddaughter if she’d tried to get dinner out of oven. The second incident happened in the summer my daughter in law forgot about sw coming and was in her back garden with 6 year old playing with her 4 year old neice ( oldest daughters child). Daughter in law was having a couple of bottles of koppaberg cider along with her neighbor next door. She stumbled into the door as she opened in ( I feel she was in shock at sw being at the door). The third incident was in august my daughter in law isn’t from the region she hadn’t any close friends here, she has started to make friends with some lovely neighbors. She is separated from my son. They share the care of 6 year old. She was invited out by other mothers from school for the first time whilst daughter was at her dads. She admitted she drank too much and made her way home 8.30 pm ( others went onto another pub) she went straight upstairs got undressed and got herself comfortable ( which she finds comfort on the floor) at 10 pm for whatever reason the 2 daughters 19 & 17 went into the bedroom video her lying there a little incoherent. Reported it to the sw and from that date childrens services wanted an appropriate adult to be present and daughter in law isn’t allowed to look after 6 year old herself. This caused problems when now 18 year old went to Uni away from home snd the 20 year old has moved out to live with her boyfriend. My granddaughter is suffering as she now is living between my son when he’s not at work and the older sister around the corner. My happy little granddaughter has the weight of the world on her shoulders and is emotional. CS are seeking legal advice about the situation of granddaughter living part of the week with her older sister. A couple of blood tests were fine on daughter in law that were negative however a hair follicle test was done that stated she was chronic snd excessive- my daughter in law has refuted this, she did admit that following bad news from her estranged family of a death in the family last Christmas she drank heavily. ( there are high court orders to prevent her family contacting her or the girls but she does have some contact with them, she was in an arranged marriage and the family made threats to her - that info is just for a bit of background)

[Cass18]

Please can someone give me advice to my post ? Is there something we can do my daughter in law is tired and exhausted at CS - we feel the Appropriate Adult scenario is causing more damage to the child

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Cass18,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that your family are experiencing and I hope that the following advice is useful.

You say that there is a child protection plan in place for your granddaughter. From the information you have given it appears that children’s services are concerned that your daughter in law is drinking alcohol at a chronic and excessive level, which has been substantiated by a hair strand test. Children’s services have recommended that your daughter in law should not have unsupervised contact with her daughter and that an appropriate adult should be there during contact. Your granddaughter is currently being cared for by her father, and when he is at work she is cared for by her adult sister. Children’s services have said that they are seeking legal advice about the situation.

Firstly it might be helpful for you to read our website HERE as we have advice and guidance for people when children’s services are involved due to concerns about alcohol misuse. The result of your daughter in law’s hair strand test indicates that she is misusing alcohol to the level that it may cause harm to her young daughter. For this reason children’s services have a duty to be involved, as there are concerns that your granddaughter is at risk of harm. HERE is information about how alcohol misuse can impact on children in a negative way, including their basic needs being neglected, and their physical and mental health being affected.

I understand that your daughter in law is finding it difficult that her contact with her daughter is supervised, as recommended by children’s services. I would suggest that she discuss her concerns about this with the social worker and the team manager, outlining how she feels that this is causing more damage to her daughter. Given the seriousness of the situation that you have outlined, I would advise your daughter in law to work as best as she can in partnership with children’s services.

I understand that you are worried about your granddaughter’s emotional health. It must be a very stressful time for all the family, especially your granddaughter, so it is important that children’s services support her with this. Your daughter in law may wish to speak with the social worker about what extra support can be put in place for your granddaughter. For example, her school may be able to arrange for her to have someone to talk to and see regularly. If your daughter in law is really concerned about your granddaughter’s emotional and mental health, then she may wish to consider speaking to the GP about some mental health support. It may also be worth your daughter in law considering requesting an advocate for your granddaughter.

You say that children’s services are seeking legal advice regarding the situation. You may find it helpful to read some pages on our website HERE as we have information about family court proceedings. If children’s services make the decision to begin the pre-proceedings process then it is advisable for your daughter in law and your son to seek legal advice themselves as soon as possible. In this situation they are entitled to legal aid.
I hope that this advice has been of some help. As I asked previously, please post in the kinship carers’ forum rather than on here again as this forum is for parents only.

You are also welcome to call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) if you wish to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie