More than 3 years on and still awaiting charges for IIOC

[Just_keep_moving]

Hi There!

I am new to the forum and really looking to get advice on a very sensitive situation that has been dragging on on my life for more than 3 years now. My mental health has been off the scale because of the length of time it has taken for a conclusion to be drawn from it. Subsequently I have PTSD, I've had depression and anxiety and prescribed with medication.

In August 2019 (more than 3 years ago, insane!) I was arrested following an accusation by the then girlfriend that I possessed indecent images of children on my phone after she went through it.
At the time I thought nothing of it. I knew I had porn saved on there from 2017-19 that I had not deleted but never believed any of it to be indecent.
It transpired however that the police have found 400 approx CAT C images. I have been expecting charges to come my way ever since.

First interview was carried out in October-19. Whilst I was on bail I was not allowed to see my child unsupervised which is standard (he was 6 at the time). Prior to this I used to see him every other weekend.
However I was released from bail after 28 days with no conditions, subsequently the mother of my child (not the one who reported the offence) gradually began to allow me to see my son supervised every other weekend. I was honest and open with her throughout. She knows how embarrassed I am and ashamed that my porn addiction at the time got out of control.
Over time, from spring 2020 onwards she began allowing me unsupervised access with him again.
Personally, I want to use the opportunity to teach my own son of safety awareness in the online world, especially since he's now of that age (9) when he will become curious about things. I want to use my own shameful experience to teach him the importance of being aware of his own actions especially when searching for things and downloading content online. It's not just the ''dark web'' but any website you may believe to be safe, could turn out not to be. You are only two clicks away from viewing/downloading some indecent.

Anyway 2nd Interview conducted with police in Feb-20. Heard nothing for 12 months! Feb-21, X childcare services conducted an assessment with me and the mum separately following a tip off from my sons school as to why the dad isn't on the scene. Following the assessment they concluded that I had been honest and open about my offence, that there were ''no concerns raised'' and that they had spoke to professionals and the officer in charge of the investigation. I was deemed ''low risk'' and they saw no reason why my son can't stay with me unsupervised at my flat every other weekend. Subsequently my son has stayed with me every other weekend, and this year, he's stayed for longer during school holidays and half terms. I pay child maintenance and have a good job. I want to work hard and it's all for providing for him.

Jan-22, THIRD interview conducted. They concluded they would send off the details to the CPS to make judgement on whether to charge or not based on making/possession of CAT C indecent images. My solicitor said it could take up to 3 months due to the backlog. Guess what, it's now been 10 MONTHS and still nothing, not a word.

So here's the first question. If I am charged, will child services reopen the case and will this be reassessed? Bearing in mind, my child has been staying with me unsupervised all this time and in addition to this, I have a good relationship with the mother.
I know I have made mistakes in the past. But I am a good dad.

Yes it happened and I'm not looking for sympathy. However lessons have been learnt. I have done a course with Safer Lives and contacted LFF. I don't have any previous criminal convictions.
The professionals I have spoken to believe I should expect a community order/SPHO. It may be dealt with in the magistrates, possibly the crown court due to the numbers. But as you can imagine I a fearful of my job security and access with my son following this.
The affects it has had on my mental health has been enormous. My GP has recently referred me to CMHT for further help with PTSD.

All I want is clarity that this great relationship I have with my son will continue. The mother has known me for 17 years and knows i'm not a risk. She has been extremely supportive but like me, she is wondering whether child services will want to get involved again as and when I am charged.

If anyone has any answers for me or if anyone else has also been through this experience having been convicted themselves for IIOC, i'd be interested to know your stories.

Thank you, especially for the none judgement. Mistakes were made and a heavy price was paid for it.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Just_get_moving

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear that the ongoing criminal investigation is so stressful, so lengthy and that this is impacting on your mental wellbeing. It is good that you are receiving treatment and support. I hope that you will soon be able to access the additional support your GP has referred you for. Please see some links here to sources of support if you need it.

I cannot advise on the criminal investigation but hope that your solicitor and the police will be able to give you an update soon about some timescales for when you should expect a decision from the CPS about how they will proceed.

I hope that the course you undertook with Safer Lives and the contact you have had with the Lucy Faithful Foundation have been helpful. As the police investigation concerns alleged offences in relation to sexual images of children, those specialist agencies are appropriate.

Your main concern is about your future relationship and contact with your 9 year old son who lives with his mother. You have explained that your contact has varied between supervised and unsupervised during this period. You state that the most recent assessment in relation to this was in February 2021 when children’s services assessed both you and your son’s mother and liaised with the professionals involved with your family. The outcome of the social worker’s assessment was that they ‘saw no reason why your son should not stay unsupervised at your flat’ every second weekend as you were deemed low risk and had been open and honest about your offence. The assessment should also have considered your ex-partner’s protective capacity. From the information provided it seems that children’s services did not remain involved following this assessment.

You describe how your unsupervised contact with your son has progressed since then; he has stayed with you longer during school holidays and half terms. I can see that your son is very important to you and you want to continue to provide for him and be a consistent father to him.

You don’t say if children’s services agreed with unsupervised contact being for longer periods. Was this something that was discussed and agreed with or was it a decision made by your children’s mother and you? I am wondering if your ex-partner/ you were asked to sign a written agreement which set out the parameters of the contact you should have with your son or if this was left to his mother to decide. If there was an agreement in place it is important that this is kept to.

You think that when the criminal case moves forward if convicted you may get a community order and/or a Sexual Harm Prevention Order which will have restrictions and will subject you to conditions and notification requirements.

You are wondering if children’s services will become involved again if you are charged.

I would expect the police to notify children’s services when a decision is made on their investigation and following a charge or conviction. They are likely to want to reassess the situation and ensure that any arrangements for contact with your son are safe for him. They will consider what arrangements have been in place already, whether they continue to be the right arrangements and also the implication of the criminal process. The outcome of any re-assessment will depend on the individual risks and circumstances of your family situation. Please see our website advice for more information about how children’s services work and their assessment processes. If you continue to be open and honest and to engage with the required services etc you are likely to have a better outcome. However, we cannot predict what the outcome will be. You will see on this forum that parents involved with children’s services due to sexual offending sometimes have different outcomes. The focus of any assessment will be on safeguarding and promoting your son’s welfare.

I can understand that you are also worried about the possible impact on your job security. You may find the information on Unlock’s website helpful as they provide advice in relation to employment for people with criminal records.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Please post back or call our freephone advice line on 0808 8010366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm if we can help with further advice.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Just_keep_moving]

Thank you Suzie, FRG Adviser for the response.

Regarding my current child care arrangements, I have an agreement with the mother that every other weekend and additional time over the course of school holidays is also acceptable (for instance, he is scheduled to stay with me for an additional 5 days over Christmas).

However although Child services confirmed in their letter that my son can stay unsupervised with me every other weekend, they did not stipulate for additional extended time over school holidays. Be that the case, is it recommended to get the agreement in writing so that I can show the court as and when I am charged that we have a civil arrangement in place?
Currently the mother is reluctant to sign anything since she believes that CS 'closed the case' and therefore if there is a concern in the future 'they can contact her'

Not really sure what the best approach is. Ultimately i've been seeing my son unsupervised for more than 2 years. I can either leave it, do nothing, but then if CS decide to reopen the case could we both become liable? Alternatively persuade her to get our agreement in writing as we did for this year, but for 2023.
She thinks i'm probably worrying about nothing, but i'd rather have all the ducks in a row before i'm charged and then it all comes crashing down.

Thanks again in advance.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Just_keep_moving,

If you and your partner currently have a written agreement, I would advise that it is reflective of your actual arrangements, including any additional time that your son spends with you outside of weekends. Ultimately, whether your agreement is written down or not, it is important that you and your partner are open with children's services, should they become re-involved in the future, about the contact you have with your son. You will be given the opportunity to explain why this is the agreement you have come to.

Best wishes,

Suzie.