Advice regarding stepson

[dingo245]

Hi,

Long story so will try to give you some background.

Me and my partner live together in a home we own together and our 3 year old daughter, my partner has a 7 year old son with her ex partner and their is shared custody 50/50 with him which is agreed between them. We have our ups and down but mainly things are amicable between the three of us.

Around 18 months ago there were some concerns raised about safeguarding with me and my stepson due to some discipline issues. In short he gave me a good kick and I swung my leg round and did it back (wrong choice). I held my hands up and completed a parenting course and some counselling. Around 8 months later another incident was reported by my partner's ex as I had underarm pushed my stepson towards his bedroom from our bedroom during an argument. He fell into the side of the bed and again social care were involved but didn't see the need to take any further action. Around 2 weeks ago there was an argument when he knocked a drink all over my works equipment and he started backchatting so I asked him twice if he wanted to keep arguing and thirdly and wrongly stood in front of him and shouted if he wanted to (expletive) argue with me more. My choice of wording wasn't right but there was no physical harm, he has then mentioned this to his dad and the police were called under the pretence of an assault as he said I had grabbed his t-shirt which was never the case.

Since then my partners ex is refusing to allow my stepson to come home if I am in the house thus meaning I am currently going to my Mum's to stay 50% of the week and losing that time I had with my daughter as well as my stepson. Me and my partner are getting on fine but are deciding if to stay together as social care would want to be involved again if we did and at the moment they aren't taking further action and we are both scared to death of losing both of them. My question is, is my ex's partner within his right to withhold him from coming back to us if I am staying in the home we own together? Me and my stepson have a generally good relationship to the point where he has said he feels safer when I am in the house and has been asking for me to come home a lot since.

Me and my partner have issues with her ex's parenting as we feel some of his basic needs aren't always met as he very rarely baths him, i take him and pay for haircuts and we always have to do the small things like cutting his nails etc, and the ex is quite happy to send him off to his nannies to stay a few nights a week where he sleeps in her bed with her. He has also not paid any child maintenance for nearly 3 years and had never contributed to his football or swimming lessons.

I have my faults and have made my share of mistakes but I'd just like some advice on where I stand and how to move forward to keep us all together. Thank you in advance

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Dingo245,

Thank you for your post and my apologies for the delay in responding to you.

Family Rights Group offers advice and information to families about children’s services involvement, rather than private law matters. Your partner and the father of her 7 year old child both hold parental responsibility so it is up to them to make a decision about what contact the child has with both parents. If they are unable to agree then they should consider mediation and if they still cannot agree then one of them may need to make an application to the family court for an order such as a Child Arrangement Order. The court would then decide the child’s living and contact arrangements. You can get more advice about this from Child Law Advice who have a helpline number – 0300 330 5480.

You can find information and advice about children’s services involvement when there are concerns about a child being subjected to physical abuse HERE. You might also find it helpful to read more about children’s services assessments HERE and HERE. If children’s services do become involved again that I would advise you to work openly and honestly with them as this will give you the best opportunity to move forward and live safely together as a family. It is positive that you were previously willing to attend a parenting course and have some counselling; it may be helpful for you to consider building on this in future and children’s services may have some suggestions regarding courses. We have a top tips guide to working with a social worker HERE which I would encourage you to read through.

I hope that the above is also of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries regarding children’s services involvement, or you can call our helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm) to speak with one of our advisers.

Best wishes,
Suzie