mamaof5 wrote: Thu Feb 23, 2023 5:52 am
My 5 children are currently in foster care under an ICO.
We go to court for the IRH in 2 weeks time.
The LA’s plan is for all 5 of my children to return home (agreed by all parties) and they have started the transition. They want child 1, 2 & 3 to return full time by May half term and then child 4 & 5 by July half term.
My children were originally removed due to them thinking I was an alcoholic, mental health (depression), failed parenting assessment & home conditions (loads of pets)
After removal I had an alcohol test (NO trace of alcohol found in the last 12 months) -I have no idea how they can tell this but I’m glad they can.
Me & my children had a psychological assessment (100% positive)
I started a parenting assessment via an in-house SW and she made it very clear it was NOT going to be done fairly. Took the LA to court and got granted an ISW to do the assessment instead. This then come back 100% positive!!
I have done many parenting courses (I wasn’t told to but I chose to do them)
I have been discharged from my MH team as I have been stable for almost a year now.
The LA wanted me to do a DV/DA course, they took 5 months to even get me on the waiting list for their one as they were using everything they could to delay proceedings. It took a further 5 months for their course to start but I had already found and started one myself but said I would do theirs too. After the first session of the LA’s one it was cancelled as no one else showed up. Luckily I had found my own one (almost completed it now)
We did an FGC in January and then a review the other day as the plan is now reunification & it is a good solid but flexible plan.
And then 3 days ago I found out I’m pregnant
I am absolutely terrified this is going to mess up my children coming home. I have considered an abortion but the LA forced me to have an abortion 2 years ago which is what caused the massive decline in my MH as I kept having nightmares about it (was very traumatic)
I can not risk that again as that would cause me to lose all my children for good.
Ive thought about keeping it quiet until after my children are all home & saying I didn’t know but by time the last 2 return home I will be around 22 weeks gone so will be showing for definite. I also don’t want the LA to think I’m not being honest with them but I also don’t want to tell them too early and they stop or delay the transition (my children have already been told the transition plans)
I am also worried they will take the baby at birth and say it will be too much for me to have a newborn. I am also aware when they remove newborns they push to get them adopted ASAP to stop mum getting them back. I don’t want my children expecting to have a baby brother/sister only for it to be taken away.
Can SS take my baby just because they ‘think’ I won’t cope?
How long should I wait until I tell them?
Dear mamaof5
Thank you for your further post.
I can see that you are in a dilemma as you have discovered that you are pregnant just as the care proceedings for your five children have almost concluded, with all parties agreed on a transition plan for your children to return home to your care. I am not sure if that is to your sole care or you and your partner?
You have worked hard to achieve the planned outcome and it seems that this has been recognised by all. It is good that you have almost completed a domestic abuse course which I hope has been helpful. Domestic abuse can escalate or begin during pregnancy so please be aware that this may be a possible concern for children’s services.
You are struggling with deciding whether to continue with your pregnancy or not but due to a previous very difficult and distressing situation you indicate that you are likely to proceed with the pregnancy.
There is help and advice available to pregnant women who are trying to decide what is the best decision for them in relation to their pregnancy options. If you need this advice, I would encourage you to access one of the specialist services as soon as possible e.g. your GP or another GP at your practice, or one of the services the NHS signposts to such as
BPAS,
MSI Reproductive Choices,
NUPAS .
You should contact your GP as soon as possible if you decide to continue with your pregnancy so that you can access the right medical services for you and the unborn baby and to be referred to the midwifery service etc. If you may need any additional mental health support during pregnancy it is best that this is put in place early too.
The decision is yours and children’s services cannot force you either way to continue with or end your pregnancy. However, I understand that you are also struggling with your worries about what will happen next in relation to your children’s planned return and children’s services’ role in relation to the unborn baby. This is understandable. You are weighing up your options and considering what is best to do.
I strongly recommend that you inform your solicitor as soon as possible i.e. before the next court hearing, so that they can consider and provide you with legal advice, from their informed perspective, of the likely impact of your pregnancy on the current plans for your children’s transition home. It is always best, when social workers are involved, that news of a mother's pregnancy is shared by her rather than by someone else.
Unfortunately, I cannot predict what will happen. Your pregnancy does not negate all the progress you have made but it is a factor which will need to be taken into account as new information and in terms of how it will affect your ability to meet the needs of all of the children. Openness and honesty is the best approach to take as it shows that you are able to work transparently with professionals and that you are aware that this will need to be assessed. It also shows that you are able to think about the needs of all the children involved and that you know that pregnancy and then a new baby will impact on all the family. Your solicitor is best placed to help you think through how this will affect the current plans and help you put forward any proposals you think will be necessary. Professionals involved with the children including the parties to the proceedings may take a very negative view if you knowingly withhold or delay sharing this information.
Children’s services will want to do a pre-birth assessment of the unborn baby’s needs too and again sooner is better than later in this case. Please see our information on
pre-birth assessments. Please see the
good practice guidance and the specific advice for
parents who have had previous (or current) children’s services involvement. As there will be a pre-birth assessment, this is another good reason for discussing your pregnancy with your solicitor as soon as you can.
You are worried that the baby may be removed at birth and subsequently adopted. The court will only agree to remove a newborn baby from their mother if that is absolutely necessary and proportionate and a solicitor will always seek an alternative option to prevent a newborn baby being separated from their mother .e.g. a residential assessment unit or a mother and baby placement, if the threshold for making an interim care order is met. Similarly,
adoption is always a last resort and a court would need to be convinced that adoption is what is best for the child and that all other realistic options will have been ruled out (including parents, family and friends carers) before agreeing to make a
Placement Order allowing a child to be placed for adoption. There are many steps that need to be taken before that, the first being a pre-birth assessment so please try to take things one step at a time.
Your baby’s father will also need to be involved in any pre-birth assessment. If he is the father of some of your existing children and therefore involved in the current care proceedings he should also discuss with his solicitor in relation to the transition plan for his children too.
You may also want to ask for a further
family group conference review to include the changes to your situation and include your network in supporting you with this.
I am sorry that you are having to make such difficult choices. I hope that my advice has been helpful.
Please do not hesitate to seek further advice again if you need to.
Best wishes
Suzie
