Needing Help!

[Aystral]

Hello! I’ve been searching for anyone in a similar circumstance but I have not found anyone.

My baby is 4 months old I am NO risk to my baby whatsoever and neither is my husband.

Abit of background, my Husband was abused as a baby and he has life long mental health issues because of this he has seeked support for 7 years but is always denied for being “too complex” we couldn’t afford private therapy so my husband reached out to harbour. Whilst reaching out to harbour he decided to go to the extreme by basically lying and saying he was hurting me in order to get fast tracked for help, he asked if they would contact social services and they said no so he said some pretty shocking things as he was scared of the rejection (I was not able to be there for the call so I was not sure what he said but he did tell me he was going to go to the extreme but I was aware it was about hurting me)

I can’t stress enough that my husband has NEVER EVER hurt me in any way possible. He doesn’t have criminal record & neither do I.

We both work with children, we don’t drink, do drugs or anything else.

My husband is a loving man but he was just desperate for help this does not excuse the fact that he has stated he “did these things” I understand that they have a duty of care.

Long story short the police & social workers turned up to our house, the police separated us both to where I was asked multiple questions about what my husband has done to me as you could imagine I was absolutely shocked and mortified I genuinely thought they were talking to the wrong people. I told them I was aware my husband was reaching out for help but had no idea he said those things and that they were NOT TRUE! The only time he has ever physically grabbed me was for my own well being as I take seizures when I am stressed and my husband had to pin me down so I did not hurt myself!

Our statements matched up and the police said they won’t take it any further but they did ask if I wanted to press charges for him pinning me down (I said absolutely not)

The social worker then told me my husband had to go away until Tuesday as we was a potential risk to our baby, I was told to sign a piece of paper agreeing that I would call the police if my husband was to come to the address and that My husband wasn’t allowed any unsupervised contact until Tuesday.

I also want to state they got the name of my child wrong on one part of the form but I thought it was a code word

I was then contacted by harbour and I explained to them what I had explained to the police & social worker that my husband had made all this stuff up as a desperate plea for help and non of the stuff said is true.

However I am no so worried that they are going to think I am actually in an abusive relationship and my husband is coercing me after reading so many different experiences on this forum.
I can’t stress enough that there is absolutely no evidence so can they really stop my husband from being a part of our family? Just based on hearsay? My husband has a history of doing similar things such as contacting ambulances saying he was having a heart attack and when they arrived he was just having a panic attack. (Not great I know.)

My baby is at no risk, my health visitor is even “siding” with us as she also fully believes my husband is no risk. She has been great support.

I wasn’t told much at all about the next steps or what will happen now, thanks to this forum I have Been able to learn a lot more stuff but it’s still all uncertain.

I had to contact my social worker today through the one call line as no one reached out to me as it’s Tuesday. I was told my husband would only be away until Tuesday (the police would have also captured this on there camera) but my social worker has stated she is too busy today and will come out tomorrow.


I’ve been left at home with my baby over bank holiday weekend my husband is a massive support to me as I have PPD, I told them this too and I don’t have much support outside my family, I truly feel like I have just been left with no answers, no support or anything.


I would never ever be with any man if they hurt me yet alone be with a man who was hurting me whilst I had a baby.

I’m happy to comply with anything they say to prove my husband is not a risk.

I really need some advice or just some words of hope and guidance.

Thank you

[Pepsiking1490]

They are going to do a child in need assesment probably. As social workers don't work on "innocent till proven guilty" they work on probability. As your husband admitted to things that would indeed leave him as being seen a risk they might well stop you being a family unit. You dening his false confession could be seen as you minimising the fact that he's "abusive".


Don't want to be a debbie downer but you're in for a long and nauseating experience now. Since he "confessed" they will treat him like a criminal. Your only hope is to get a record of him wasting ambulance time (sorry for being harsh just don't know how to word it) and hope your social worker understands that this is a man crying out for help and not a man who'd hurt kids.


Wishing you the best.

[Aystral]

Thank you, our social worker came out today, she seemed lovely but unsure to trust.

I can deal with a child in need plan rather then a protection so I’m hoping for that atleast I just want my husband to be able to come home to be with us.

She has said however that my husband can have supervised visit and come to the house for hours at a time now and is getting back to me today about what’s happening next.

Thank you for responding to the post

[Pepsiking1490]

Did she seem understanding?



Wishing you the best.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello! I’ve been searching for anyone in a similar circumstance but I have not found anyone.

My baby is 4 months old I am NO risk to my baby whatsoever and neither is my husband.

Abit of background, my Husband was abused as a baby and he has life long mental health issues because of this he has seeked support for 7 years but is always denied for being “too complex” we couldn’t afford private therapy so my husband reached out to harbour. Whilst reaching out to harbour he decided to go to the extreme by basically lying and saying he was hurting me in order to get fast tracked for help, he asked if they would contact social services and they said no so he said some pretty shocking things as he was scared of the rejection (I was not able to be there for the call so I was not sure what he said but he did tell me he was going to go to the extreme but I was aware it was about hurting me)

I can’t stress enough that my husband has NEVER EVER hurt me in any way possible. He doesn’t have criminal record & neither do I.

We both work with children, we don’t drink, do drugs or anything else.

My husband is a loving man but he was just desperate for help this does not excuse the fact that he has stated he “did these things” I understand that they have a duty of care.

Long story short the police & social workers turned up to our house, the police separated us both to where I was asked multiple questions about what my husband has done to me as you could imagine I was absolutely shocked and mortified I genuinely thought they were talking to the wrong people. I told them I was aware my husband was reaching out for help but had no idea he said those things and that they were NOT TRUE! The only time he has ever physically grabbed me was for my own well being as I take seizures when I am stressed and my husband had to pin me down so I did not hurt myself!

Our statements matched up and the police said they won’t take it any further but they did ask if I wanted to press charges for him pinning me down (I said absolutely not)

The social worker then told me my husband had to go away until Tuesday as we was a potential risk to our baby, I was told to sign a piece of paper agreeing that I would call the police if my husband was to come to the address and that My husband wasn’t allowed any unsupervised contact until Tuesday.

I also want to state they got the name of my child wrong on one part of the form but I thought it was a code word

I was then contacted by harbour and I explained to them what I had explained to the police & social worker that my husband had made all this stuff up as a desperate plea for help and non of the stuff said is true.

However I am no so worried that they are going to think I am actually in an abusive relationship and my husband is coercing me after reading so many different experiences on this forum.
I can’t stress enough that there is absolutely no evidence so can they really stop my husband from being a part of our family? Just based on hearsay? My husband has a history of doing similar things such as contacting ambulances saying he was having a heart attack and when they arrived he was just having a panic attack. (Not great I know.)

My baby is at no risk, my health visitor is even “siding” with us as she also fully believes my husband is no risk. She has been great support.

I wasn’t told much at all about the next steps or what will happen now, thanks to this forum I have Been able to learn a lot more stuff but it’s still all uncertain.

I had to contact my social worker today through the one call line as no one reached out to me as it’s Tuesday. I was told my husband would only be away until Tuesday (the police would have also captured this on there camera) but my social worker has stated she is too busy today and will come out tomorrow.


I’ve been left at home with my baby over bank holiday weekend my husband is a massive support to me as I have PPD, I told them this too and I don’t have much support outside my family, I truly feel like I have just been left with no answers, no support or anything.


I would never ever be with any man if they hurt me yet alone be with a man who was hurting me whilst I had a baby.

I’m happy to comply with anything they say to prove my husband is not a risk.

I really need some advice or just some words of hope and guidance.

Thank you

Dear Aystral

Welcome to the Family Rights Group parents’ discussion forum and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation with children’s services following your husband disclosures about domestic abuse in your relationship. You say your husband said these things because he is desperate to get help and believed this would get him fast tracked to that help.

Another poster has given you a response to your post, but I think it would be helpful if I clarify a few points for you.

All professionals (in fact everyone has a safeguarding role) have a duty to make a referral to children’s services if they believe a child may be at risk of harm. Your husband’s disclosures gave cause for concern.

Both you and your husband were interviewed by the police when they came to your home with social workers. The police have decided to take no further action. This does not prevent children’s services from continuing with their own investigation. It is good that both you and your husband are saying the same thing but despite this children’s services must satisfy themselves that there is no risk of harm to a child/ren.

As you have signed a written agreement/safety plan it is important that you stick to this as failure to do so may cause children’s services to escalate the case. Children’s services must follow up when they receive a referral and then decide what action will be taken going forward. You have had a good meeting with the social worker who should have informed you what further will be e. assessment or referrals.

Children’s services are not carrying out a criminal investigation, so issue of guilt or innocence is not what they look at this is for the police to decide if they have enough evidence to have a successful prosecution.

My suggestion is that you and your husband focus on engaging positively with children’s services. They may be able to offer the support that you both need to ensure there is no risk of harm to your child.

You may find it helpful to read the information HERE about children’s services including how they work when a referral is received.

Please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366 should you wish to speak with an adviser about your circumstances. The advice line is open from9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays)

You can of course post again if you need further advice.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Aystral]

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the replies!

I met my social worker and she seemed understanding & lovely to be fair. She had lots of empathy and I appreciated that she understood the situation.

However her manager decision was to do an ICPC (I think that’s it) a child protection conference.

I wont lie I am absolutely terrified, I can barley call the doctors never mind sit with a bunch of people whilst they judge our parenting abilities.

My husband is sick with guilt, he cannot believe what he has done and the consequences of just reaching out for help.

We understand the safety concern but will work with services if it needs to happen.

She said there is 3 outcomes of the conference
Close the case
Child in need
Or
Child protection plan

With child protection plan can my husband live at home with us still?
I truly need him. I had a seizure last night due to stress from the whole situation.
I’m willing to work with them as long as he is allowed home but I don’t think I can justify them stopping him from living at home based on hearsay.

What kind of stuff will each person discuss?
Police?
My baby is only 4 months old so who else will be there (I know it’s usually school teachers etc)

I also thought they are meant to do an assessment first before they go to a conference (they haven’t contacted any of the people I have gave them) is this normal?

Sorry for the overload of questions I’m just one confused worried sick mom & wife.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Aystral

Thank you for your further post. I will try to answer the specific questions you have asked regarding the initial child protection conference (ICPC)

With child protection plan can my husband live at home with us still?

It is possible for both parents to be at home when there is a child protection plan in place. Each case is different, and this is likely to be decided at the conference if the decision if for a child protection plan (CPP).

I think it is important for you to understand that you are saying you will only work with children’s services if your husband is allowed home is not helpful. Your pre-condition might mean that you are considered not to be putting your children’s needs first and therefore not being a protective parent.

It is not clear from your post what you consider to be hearsay. Your husband made disclosures himself and a safeguarding referral was made because of concerns about how these the disclosures might impact the family and child(ren).

What kind of stuff will each person discuss?

Each professional will discuss their view about the concerns raised and what they it is the best way to help the family. It should be in the context of their own professional opinions on their area of expertise.

Police?

This will be police who deal with child protection not who investigated the matter.

The persons involved in the conference are usually professionals involved with the family. As your baby is 4 months old, the Health Visitor and or GP. I am not clear who you suggested children’s services should contact but if it is a professional working with the family then social worker should consider inviting them or explain why not.

Normally section 47 child protection enquiries are done to decide about a conference but if the circumstances mean it is urgent then children’s services can go straight to conference. You can ask the social worker to explain but it could be that they do their assessments in a shorter period. Ask for their policy on child protection procedures.

You may find it helpful to read the information on our website relating to child protection enquiries. This film may also help you to understand the procedures at an ICPC better.

Here is information for mothers relating to domestic abuse and a guide about working with a social worker.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie