Children's Services are a danger to my child

[please_help_123]

Hi

I'd be eternally grateful if anyone can give me any advice

Brief background:-
I’ve always wanted kids, but I wanted to wait until I was properly settled, stable relationship, good job and stable financially etc as I wanted my kids to have the best start possible and be able to send them to good schools etc.

No criminal record, no drug or alcohol issues, no violent or otherwise indecent history.

I now have a son, he's 2 years old.

During his mum’s pregnancy I did all I could to support her, I won't go into all the detail but I feel I went really above and beyond to make sure she was comfortable and had everything they needed.

I was there for the entire birth, stayed until they came home. Since birth baby slept with me every night, mum slept in a separate room (trouble sleeping and I didn’t mind). I did all his feeds, changed nappies, played with him, took for walks, day and night. I took a few weeks off work, then I was working from home (supposedly full time....), I looked after him most of the time. I took him to his appointments, mostly on my own. I bought everything he needed, all his milk, nappies, toys, clothes, everything, and have always paid for all our housing, food, bills etc.

Since birth mother has been really aggressive, shouting and screaming for no reason all the time, physically attacked me several times, constantly criticising me, demanding money (that she deserves of course...). So some of this was raised with the midwives and health visitor, they referred to early help and offered a parenting course which we both went on.

Mother never changed, carried on her abuse towards me, got worse and worse. I never ever did anything wrong to her, I only ever encouraged her to be happy and enjoy time with our son. Anyway, social services eventually turn up, I was happy to see them! I thought they might help! I was polite to them as I am with everyone. They just started telling me that I’m abusive and it’s harmful for the child and mum... I thought well when they find out the truth (after we have a meeting), they might help.. that meeting never happened, a few weeks later mum decided to call the police and tell them I threatened her and she was scared... I absolutely did not, but as standard procedure I was arrested and mother moved out with our son. Before this I was our son's primary carer, mother was out most of the time doing her own thing, she barely spent time with him. It was also very noticeable that mother's temper and aggression got even worse after the social worker became involved. The social worker was openly making me out to be an abuser, I believe this encouraged mother to escalate her abuse towards me. I imagine she'd probably spoken with the social worker a few times before the social worker came to the house. Frankly it's ridiculous how the system operates with the mother the automatic point of contact for everything.

There’s a lot more happened but trying to keep it short, so much I’ve done to support them both. Mother won’t let me see him, completely unreasonable. So I'm going through the family court as that's my only option I have. I asked for an urgent hearing, in court Children's Services are completely biased towards mother, saying things that I can prove without doubt are untrue.

My questions about Children's Services:-
We've now had 3 separate C&F assessments, each time they said they'd give us a copy of the meeting minutes and assessments etc. They never have and I've been asking for copies. I suspect this is common, and they probably send everything to mother by default. Eventually I sent a subject access, took them 3 months and redacted almost everything besides social worker saying I’m abusive, I don’t take any responsibility, I don’t show any insight... all copy and paste out of a social worker’s handbook of how to destroy a father to make your job easy. I can show sooooooo much evidence that would disprove that to anyone. I asked the judge to order that Children's Services give me a copy of the reports, the judge ordered this. They are still refusing to give the reports and say I've had my subject access. I can confirm they have indeed provided mother with all the reports and minutes, I have no idea what those reports say besides being full of childish lies.
Is there anything I can do to get these reports from Children's Services? Can I speak to someone higher? I know I can submit a complaint but sadly they're so untrustworthy as to make up even more lies if I do that, and it'll take a long time.

Also, I've read quite a lot of posts on FRG forum from other parents that are getting some help from Children's Services to try and restart a parent's contact with their child even where Children's Services are otherwise not involved i.e they're not seeking any care orders etc and they could just say it's a private matter like they have to me... It makes sense that they should be offering support to everyone because they have a responsibility to the community in general and specifically to children, to ensure children are not abused etc. Preventing a child from seeing a loving father without any credible concerns is emotional abuse to the child, so surely they should be offering some kind of assistance?

Finally, the court have ordered a section 7 report from Children's Services.... will the social worker be given my statements that I've submitted to court? and will they have to read them before they complete their report? Can I insist they do read my statements?

It's quite disgusting how they're treated me, but the worst thing is the harm they've done to the child 1)by encouraging mother to behave innapropriately and 2)by doing whatever they can to give the mother the upper hand in court, this is ultimately a massive detriment to the child as everything they're doing is on the back of a completely ill-informed and unjustified opinion.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear please_help_123

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be responding to you today.

I am sorry to hear of your situation and distress. It must be a difficult and upsetting time for you. I hope the information provided is helpful to you.

You are the father of a two-year-old child. From the information you have provided you were fully involved in caring for your son and keen to provide a stable home environment for him.

Following the birth of your son, concerns were raised, and the midwife and health visitor became concerned about family dynamics and the impact of this on your child. A referral to Early Help was made and they offered you and your ex-partner a parenting course which you both accepted and completed.

You say you continued to be concerned about your ex-partner’s behaviours and that they did not change but escalated – she became more abusive towards you. Children’s Services and the Police became involved. Your ex-partner and child moved out of the family home due to what she says is domestic abuse . You say this is false, that she was the abuser and that Children’s Services and the ‘system’ is bias in favour of mothers.

Since this time your ex-partner has refused contact between you and your son. You have made an application to court for a Child Arrangements Order and this is underway. The court has directed Children’s Services to complete a Section 7 Report and you are seeking advice on whether the social worker completing the report will have access to your Statements.

Everyone involved in the court case will receive a court bundle . This will contain all relevant paperwork, including statements made by both parents. The social worker will have sight of your statement. I have added a link HERE which you may find helpful. It is to an organisation called Child Law Advice. They have lots of information and advice regarding private law proceedings. The ‘how to’ guides set out the processes involved when seeking a Child Arrangements Order. There is a small fee of £2 per guide.

Children’s Services completed three separate Child and Family Assessments. You did not receive copies of the reports until you made a Subject Access Request (SAR) . When you received the reports, information was redacted. This was discussed in Court, and you say the Court directed Children’s Services to provide the reports, something Children’s Services say they have already done. You would like to know whether you can speak to someone ‘higher’ to take the matter further. You are aware you can make a formal complaint.

You hold parental responsibility for your child; therefore Children’s Services have a responsibility to include you in their procedures and processes. They have a duty to provide reports and information to you subject to safeguarding/potential safeguarding concerns. If they withhold information from you, the reasons for this should be discussed with you. I have added a link HERE to our Working with Social Workers Guidance which provides information and advice when working with social workers.

If you are not satisfied with Children’s Services regarding their response in respect of sharing assessment information you can address this in court and or make a formal complaint to Children’s Services. However, it is worth noting that due to data protection and or safeguarding/potential safeguarding concerns they have a duty of care to everyone included in the assessment and will redact information that is or has the potential to put people at risk of harm. I have added a link HERE to information and guidance regarding the complaints process for Children’s Services should you wish to make one.

You would like some support from Children’s Services to facilitate contact between you and your son. You have asked them for support, but they have responded by saying this is a private family matter and they will not get involved.

Children’s Services do not become involved in private law matters unless they have been directed to by Court. In your situation they have, therefore they will be involved in making recommendations to court regarding contact. They should offer information and advice about whether contact should take place, to what level and where and make recommendations on how this may be facilitated. I have added a link HERE to further information and guidance regarding Section 7 reports.

I have added information and guidance HERE from our website for father’s who are involved with Children’s Services. It is noted that sometimes fathers can be overlooked or excluded from decisions made about their children. I have also added a further link HERE to further information and guidance for fathers.

I have added two further links that you may find supportive. This link HERE is to an organisation that supports male victims of domestic abuse and this link HERE is to an organisation that support male perpetrators of domestic abuse. Both give help and advice where domestic violence is or has been raised as a concern.

I hope you find this information helpful. Should you need to discuss any aspect of children’s services involvement please call us on our advice line or our other methods of communication (listed on our website) or of course you can post again on here.

Best wishes, Suzie.