CLA, ICO and Care Proceedings

[Thephoenix23]

Hi, I'm writing this post for two main reasons.
The first reason is to warn others, and hopefully protect others from months of pain, anxiety, stress and upset and the second reason is hopefully to gain some advice on a few questions.

I'm a new mum and was in a relationship with someone on the sex offenders register for around two years. His offences were around 15 years ago, he was imprisoned for 3 years, with 3 years probation, and adheres to a SHPO. I fell pregnant (unintentional) but we at the time were led by Probation and his Police Offending Manager to believe social service's involvement would be scant at best as he hasn't reoffended, works hard with probation and police when required and just lived a quiet, "normal" life. He was and is, disgusted by his offences and believe at the time experienced some form of breakdown that resulted in the crime and he was glad he went to prison as it was the punishment he deserved. Regardless, I will just say now, that social service's involvement has changed who I am as a person. I am now fearful, anxious and paranoid at all times.
Despite rarely seeing my social worker, working well with professionals when required (the childs guardian, my solicitor and the expert assessor have been exceptional) and myself encouraging an open door policy for visits (I've had very few) parallel planning (Foster placements, adoption etc) is mentioned frequently despite myself and the father being separated with him living some hours away now.
I am a devoted, caring and loving mother, I have a full time job, I don't smoke, drink or do drugs, have no criminal history and have an excellent support network. My mental health is also impeccable considering all this mess. I have never had any dealings with social service's, police or probation prior to this so it was all rather new and threatening to me.

Had I have known what would come I would have been exceptionally cautious and taken all precautions to never fall pregnant. I love my child more than anything in this world and I'm utterly devoted to them, I pose no risk, and if it is deemed I am unsuitable to supervise during contact with the father (which I have had an expert assessment for, still awaiting results though I believe they should be somewhat positive) I don't see how that means my child can be removed from me.... a safe home full of love and encouragement with no risks.... contact would surely just continue with a professional supervisor or possible other family member.
Please, if you are in a relationship with a sex offender I beg you to consider the above before having children. Speak to social service's prior if need be.
I am someone who is pro-choice, but a termination would NEVER have been an option for me, so if you choose to acknowledge my warning please be viligent in protection.
The first few months of my child's life have been wracked with worry, anxiety, fear, anguish, guilt and hurt which hasn't just affected myself by my family also. I'd like to add, I always considered myself a strong person, but this would have broken me had I have not had amazing support.

Secondly, my question would be, should I ever find the courage or trust o meet someone in many, many years time, and I decide I'd like to have another child, will social service's be involved again? Again, they are involved due to my ex and not myself.

Will my child always flag up on systems as a "safeguarding issue" ie, schools, doctors etc?
I'd like my little one to one day live as peaceful and normal a life as possible and I don't want them bullied or ostracised.

Has anyone experienced something similar to myself and had a somewhat positive outcome? I'd love to hear some encouragement.

Many thanks and apologies its so long.

[Need help 2021]

Hi i saw your post I am soo sorry to hear about your experience I also had socail service involved and it was a night mare honestly and yeh they will get involved again becaue you will flag up and also if it is with someone else they will make sure to see it’s not the same person if you don’t mind me asking do you know his risk and was his offence online or contact .

[Thephoenix23]

Hi there, thanks for your reply. I was pretty convinced I'd never have more children anyway but that confirms it for me.
It was contact, he disclosed some information when we first started dating, but I've found out more since proceedings started and terminated the relationship.

I'm desperate for some peace, and normality for my child and I.
We just want a quiet life.

[Need help 2021]

Hey hun if you have left him it should not be a problem but social will get involved but not how they were involved if that marked sence x

[Thephoenix23]

So I left him around three months ago, but as we are in Care Proceedings I assume the court process needs to finish. The outcome of my assessment said the assessor feels I shouldn't supervise at the moment, due to vulnerabilities (he's very manipulative).
This leaves me in a very difficult position as now, as I do not want my child to have contact in a contact centre with a stranger and my ex, but acknowledge a relationship with the child's father is important for his development.

It also horrifies me how much they mention "parallel planning" and fostering/adoption. I pose no risk to my child so if he is having no unsupervised contact with his father, how can he be taken from me?

[Need help 2021]

Hey hun just because they are doing all assment does not mean he is getting taken away from you they did that with me gradianship assment I still have my son to make sure you are a protective factor they scare you .

[Thephoenix23]

Hi there, that's reassuring to hear, is there anyway I can message you on here for a chat? I feel you may be able to shed some light for me, perhaps we are in similar situations?

[Need help 2021]

Hi you can inbox me on here if you want

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Phoenix23

Thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser and will be replying to you today. I will respond to all of your posts in this one response.

I am sorry to hear you are anxious and ‘paranoid’ due to your experiences. If you would like some support at this stressful time, it would be a good idea to contact your GP. They will have knowledge of support services in your local area. I have also added a link HERE to talking therapies. Talking therapies, are effective and confidential treatments delivered by fully trained and accredited NHS practitioners. They can help with stress. You can access talking therapies for free on the NHS. You can refer yourself directly to an NHS talking therapies service without a referral from a GP, or a GP can refer you. It is to your credit that you are working well with professionals to prioritise your child’s safety and wellbeing.

You are in care proceedings due to concerns regarding your ex-partners sexual abuse history. I have added HERE further information and guidance regarding care and related proceedings.

You may also find this link helpful. It is the the Stop It Now!website, which has information and guidance for people concerned about child sexual abuse.

I understand that hearing and reading ‘fostering’ and ‘adoption’ in the context of your child must be very distressing. When children’s services are concerned about a child and care proceedings are started, part of their role is to parallel plan for alternative carers if it is decided the child cannot be safely cared for by their parent(s). Children’s services have a responsibility to seek to place a child within their wider family network before placing in unrelated foster care or adoption. Your solicitor and the allocated social worker should have discuss this with you. I have added a link HERE to our kinship care information.

In respect of contact and supervised contact. This will be dependant on the outcome of care proceedings once assessments are known and final orders have been made. For your information and possible future planning, I have added HERE a link to NACCC – a nationwide contact centre database.

In respect of whether children’s services would be involved in your life again when (if) you decided to have another child. In the UK, human rights are protected by the Human Rights Act 1998. The Act gives effect to the human rights set out in the European Convention on Human Rights. Article 8 - the right to respect for your family and private life, your home and your correspondence is one the rights protected by the Human Rights Act. This Act needs to be taken into consideration alongside the Rights of Child as set out in the Children's Act 1989.

Need Help 21 is correct in so much as children’s services will be involved should you decide to have another child. To what level will depend on your circumstances at the time.

At your antenatal appointment the midwife will ask you whether you are or have been known to children’s services. We would advise you to be open and honest at this point and to inform them that you have. If you are not, and professionals find out later that information was withheld, ‘red flags’ will be raised and they will be concerned that this significant information was not shared.

Once you have informed the midwife, they will follow their safeguarding policy and make a referral to children’s services to inform them of your pregnancy. To note, it does not mean that because a referral and an assessment has been completed you will meet the criteria for an intervention. This will depend on your presenting situation. Of course, your history will be taken into consideration, but the focus of the assessment should be on your present circumstances. I have added a link HERE to our information and guidance when there are concerns regarding previous children’s services involvement.

I hope you find this information helpful. To speak to an adviser, please call our free and confidential advice line 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday 9.30am to 3pm, excluding Bank Holidays). For Textphone dial 18001 followed by the advice line number. Or you can ask a question via email using our advice enquiry form, or post again on here. There is also a webchat service that you may wish to access. The webchat is not a bot, you will be answered by one of our advisers. Please refer to our website for further information FRG.org.uk

Best wishes, Suzie

[Thephoenix23]

Suzie thank you so much for your detailed and informative advice.
I think what I am struggling with so at the moment, is how I feel I am being treated.
For many, many reasons I separated from my ex and have absolutely no intention of ever resuming a relationship with him.
As has been decided, he is able to have supervised contact (not by myself) and I am fine to support this, he is his father after all and all professionals support contact.
I have done everything I have been asked even when I haven't necessarily agreed with it, I feel at times I have been pressured into making choices, scare-mongered into decision making and treated like a criminal when I just want to protect my child and give them as normal a life as physically possible under the unusual circumstances.

At times, I've questioned if what's occurring has been neccessary (or sometimes legal)
It's left me at times riddled with anxiety and I constantly fear the outcome.
I know I am a good mother. I adore my child.
I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, I am employed full time, I own my home, have a wonderful support network of friends and family, am financially stable and most importantly, I am loving and warm to my little one hence why they come first, always, above everyone else on the planet.

I have made all the right choices for my baby because they deserve it... so why am I still being treated this way?
Do you have any advice at all?
I do have family to lean on who reassure me constantly but often I find their words don't sink in.
I just feel the professionals are against me which I know deep down, is probably not correct.

I'm quite frightened.

Many thanks again for reading.