How can I stop this SGO going ahead?

[LouAyRoo]

9 years ago my children were placed with my mother due to myself and my partner going through a very hard time and shouting a lot. We have spent 9 years improving ourselves and have from day 1 done everything that we have ever been asked to do. We are totally normal parents besides only being allowed to do this 1 day a month STILL!
My daughter moved out of her house at 16 because she hated it there and now S.S. are saying they want an SGO for my 10 year old son. My mum has openly admitted she hates kids, she hates the rules S.S. give because you can't punish children properly anymore, she can't lose my son until she can retire because who would give a 60 year old a job, she only wants an SGO so she still gets the money but doesn't have to go on the "stupid hippy parenting courses".
My daughter also disclosed to us that my mother had asked her to please tell the social worker that she thinks we should only be able to see them once a month because she doesn't want us to have more contact. I think it's totally inappropriate to ask a child to do your dirty work and this is not the only instance of this. She's planted seeds and spoken against us for the whole 9 years whilst also making out when speaking to us that she's changed and is all about working together as a team and make the children happy.
She will be an absolute nightmare if she gets this order granted!
The children want to be with us...they they always have and get upset when it's time to drop them off.

What the hell do we do?! Social services are totally on her side!?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear LouAyRoo,
Thank you for your post on the parents’ forum. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser who will be answering your enquiry today.
You write that your children aged 16 and 10 were placed with your mother following a difficult period in which there was conflict between you and your partner.
You explain that your mother as carer for the children is required to attend courses and that children’s services are involved. This sounds like a kinship foster carer arrangement and that your children are currently ‘looked after’ by the local authority.
You write that your 16 year old daughter moved out of your mother’s home as soon as she was able to do so, but you do not say where your daughter is living now. You are upset that your mother is now being encouraged by children’s services to apply for a special guardianship order for your 10 year old son.
You feel that you and your partner have made many changes and that it would be possible for the children to live safely with you. You feel that once a month contact is not enough.
You report that your mother speaks against you and your partner to the children and to children’s services in private, while publicly trying to seem like she is working collaboratively with you, and you are asking where you go from here.
As your children are currently looked after by the local authority you can voice your concerns about the contact arrangements and the special guardianship order proposal to the independent reviewing officer at the looked after child reviews. As parents your views should be sought at every review. The looked after review should be an opportunity for you to explain why you do not feel that the plan to support your mother to apply for a special guardianship order is in your son's best interests, and to ask for the contact plan to be reconsidered.
All looked after children have a care plan which is regularly reviewed at the looked after review. These meetings are chaired by the Independent Reviewing Officer. You can read more about looked after child reviews here and the role of the independent reviewing officer here. Every review should consider whether the care order still needs to be in place and whether there is scope for the children to safely return to the care of their parents.
You are concerned that your children are not encouraged to express their own independent views. The Independent Reviewing Officer should seek to hear their opinions, and the allocated social worker should spend time alone with them to give that opportunity. If you feel that the children are coached by their grandmother, and that your son may feel ‘in the middle’ you could suggest that he has support from an advocate. You can read more about the role of advocates here. There is a list of advocacy organisations here.
If your mother does make an application for a special guardianship the court will have to work to the ‘welfare principle’ as to whether the order will be in his best interest. The views of your son will be taken into account and the court will consider the applicant’s (your mother) proposals to care for the child alongside any proposals from his parents. You can read more about how a court responds to a private special guardianship application here .
Information for parents about special guardianship orders is here.
You write that you have spent ‘9 years improving yourselves’, and that the earlier concerns for the wellbeing of the children in your care have been addressed. I would advise you to gather all the evidence you can of these changes – (eg. Letters from support organisations that you have worked with, courses completed) to help you put these arguments to the social worker and the independent reviewing officer in the here and now, and again in the future if the application for a special guardianship order is made.
I hope this information was useful to you.
There are many different ways to contact Family Rights Group if you seek further advice in the future:

• A free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366
• Easy-to-follow online information. Features include an A-Z, FAQs, films, ‘top tips’ and legal advice sheets;
• Online forums where families can receive advice, discuss issues, and find support;
• A webchat service where you can message an adviser online, who will help you find information and advice to support you.
Best wishes,
Suzie