Child in need plan

[Mumof51983]

I have posted before on my daughter’s birthday which was the 22nd October.

Hi. My youngest daughter who’s 1 today. Her dad uses alcohol as a coping mechanism. I’m not making excuses for him but in the last 2 years, we’ve lost my mum, his dad (he wasn’t invited to his funeral), his mum (was told via a mutual friend she had died and again wasn’t invited to the funeral), I had our baby early, she was prem and I lost over 4 litres of blood, had an hysterectomy to save my life. Then when she was 5 weeks old she caught RSV and nearly died. When he decides to drink he leaves the house, social services say he goes missing but he doesn’t cos he stays in touch with me. He has a habit of calling the police and has asked a number of times when he’s been taken to hospital for help, but always been discharged and nothing has come of it. The last time he did this, social services have now got involved. They have stated if he lived with me then the children would go on child protection. He has no where or no family around him. The social worker called today and said the kids are going on child in need. He has done a detox this time and been put on anti depressants and medication for his drinking.
Honestly social services just stress me and the kids out. I don’t want my daughter’s dad on the streets either. I feel in between a rock and a hard place at the moment. He is here today as it’s our daughter’s 1st birthday and when the social worker called I did tell her he was. I just don’t know what to do. He hasn’t drank for 16 days now either even though he is going through crap and no where to live. Can anyone give me some advice please

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mumof51983

Thank you for your two post and welcome to the discussion board. I will be responding to both posts here. You and your children are finding children’s services involvement in your family life stressful. I am sorry to hear this. I hope the information below is helpful to you.

You are the mother of five children, one of which celebrates her 1st birthday this week. Happy birthday to your daughter! The child’s father has experienced multiple stressors in his life over the past few years. This has included the death of his parents, the premature birth of your child, serious sickness for your child, your ill health and relationship issues with his wider family.

Your partner has been using alcohol as a coping mechanism to manage his thoughts, feelings and emotional wellbeing. His actions have resulted in children’s services becoming involved in your family life. Children’s services requested that you partner move out of the family home, presumably whilst an assessment was being completed, and that if he did not then threshold for child protection plans will have been met. You say children’s services have informed you that the children are now on child in need plans.

Your partner has undergone a detox programme and been sober for 16 days. Whilst is it ‘early days’ in respect of his recovery, I would like to say ‘well done’ to him for sticking with it. I do hope the medication for his mental health and alcohol use supports him to continue on his path of recovery.

You are concerned that if your partner cannot live with you then he will be street homeless. You have been open with children’s services and informed them that your partner will be in your home for your daughter’s 1st birthday.

For your children to placed on child in need plans, you would have needed to consent to this. This type of plan is voluntary and not mandatory. Further, you should have received a copy of the assessment, which would include an analysis of the information gathered and recommendations about what needs to happen for the children to remain safe and well with you. If you have not received this, I suggest you contact the social worker to request a copy and to discuss/seek clarification about the plans for the children. I have added HERE further information about chid in need assessments and plans and HERE information and advice on in the impact of alcohol use on children, why children’s services may be concerned and national support services for you and your partner.

I have added HERE our ‘top tips’ when working with social workers, this includes how to work well with them and what you might wish to consider if things are not going so well.

Children’s services do not have jurisdiction when asking for your partner to move out of the family home. The are making an informal request for him to do so. Of course, if that request is not followed and they have significant concerns about him remaining within the home they may escalate to child protection and in a small number of circumstances for the children to removed from your care. If you do not agree to this voluntarily they will need to seek an order from the court. Please see HERE and HERE regarding both processes.

I have further added HERE a link to Families Anonymous. This organisation is a world wide fellowship of family members and friends affected by another’s abuse of alcohol and substance misuse.

I hope you find this information helpful. There are many ways to contact Family Rights Group, please do look at our website for further information about this or post again here if you have further questions.

Best wishes, Suzie

[Mumof51983]

Hi Suzie

Thank you for your reply. When she first ever turned up at my home. She spoke to me and the children. She then said she has to do an assessment and will be back in touch. Also if my babies dad lived here the kids will go on child protection. She called me on my babies 1st birthday and said the child are going on child in need. I explained that my babies dad has been seeing his daughter and even though it hasn’t been long that he’s doing really well. Which I feel we should make him aware we are proud and remain positive.
This morning she texted to say a colleague is coming round because I’m due a visit, to which I replied I’m not going to be in because I have a doctors appointment and have things on today. Plus she’s coming round Tuesday 29th too.
I haven’t received any information regarding the child in need plan. Even though she’s asked for my email address.
I’m still in the situation where I’m unsure if he can come home ect. He had no where or family where I live either.
Honestly I could do without social services in my life and don’t see how they are going to be any help whatsoever

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Mumof51983

Thank for your further post regarding the intervention from children’s services with your family and your interaction with the allocated social worker.

I am sorry that you are finding it difficult and stressful with the process you are now in, and I suggest you go back to the response and the links sent to you on 24th October which cover the points you have raised in this post.

It is very unfortunate that you find yourself involved with children’s services and it is understandable that you would prefer not to have them in your life. However, the concerns they have relate to your partner and how best to keep the children safe. He is working hard to improve his situation and hopefully this will continue.

The best way to have a good outcome is to work well with children’s services as once they are satisfied that the children are safe no further involvement will be needed. Please read carefully the previous response as suggested above.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie