Need help with advice on my past and my daughters SGO.

[Iamgooders88]

5 years ago an SGO so that my daughter was to stay with my dad and his wife. This was issued due to me and my ex partner being toxic, me using drink and drugs and neglecting my daughters emotional needs by us allowing her to witness shouting and arguments. My ex partner and I remained friends but broke up. She since had another child who is now 4 years old, and I am not his biological father but he calls me dad and I have him on alternative weekends. I have always been involved in his life and been a great dad to him and social services were aware of this and closed his case.Now after me seeking help, and now being clean from drink and drugs for 3 years me and my ex partner have become close again we are still not officially in a relationship but had been thinking about it prior to this scenario. My parents who are legal guardians of my daughter have allowed us to have joint contact and overnight stays together due to how well things have been the past few years, well a routine chat from the services with my daughter(because she is in the system) have made them aware of this. Now a support worker has met with my ex and told her this should not be happening and that they will take her son off her, and that I am high risk of relapse and that she should get a non-moleststion order against me. I just want to clarify no incidents have happened for 4-5 years now. Can they do this? How can i be a risk to our daughter but not to our son? We live separately, but have joint contact with our daughter every other weekend at my ex's and have been for nearly a year now. The support worker was completely unprofessional and told my ex partner that we shouldn't even be friends. And referenced to her own cousins relapse in relation to the risk of mine. Now my ex partner is worried about having me around at fear of losing her son and we have plans for having our daughter for a week over christmas. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense but I'm just trying to get the words out.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Iamgooders88

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

From what you have said (though it is not very clear) you sought help, and this may have ‘triggered’ a referral to children’s services and a support worker has visited your ex-partner and suggested that you should not be having a relationship with her son?

The support worker has raised concerns about drug and alcohol misuse or the risk of a relapse, as well as suggesting that there may be concerns about domestic abuse – though these factors are in the past.

From what you have written you are a ‘father figure’ to your ex-partner’s son but you do not have parental responsibility (PR) because you are not his biological father. You do have PR for your daughter as does her mother, and her special guardians. You say that your daughter is ‘in the system’? When Special Guardianship Orders are made that usually ends the involvement of children’s services. Was the ‘routine chat’ related to the new involvement?

It may be wise for your ex-partner to speak with the support worker, discuss their concerns, and (if she does not know) ask what has led to them becoming involved with her now, given that the local authority had been aware that you have a father/son relationship with her son and ‘signed the matter off’ as ‘no concern’. And that they are also aware that he is the brother of the child you and your ex-partner have together?

If you would like to discuss your situation in confidence, with an adviser, please contact us on our telephone advice service. The line is open Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 3.00pm. The number is 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes
Suzie