Looking for advice

[JNY89]

Hi all, long story short,yes this isn't all of it but this is the relevant stuff so sorry its so long.
I suffer with depression and have eupd. I had a mental breakdown at the end of Aug I asked for help and was let down by both social and mental health team. Anyway, I said a comment in the heat of the moment and it's been taken literally. Ok I'm stupid I know. I have never and would never harm anyone let alone my children. I am the first person people ask to baby sit and I always try my best to at putting the kids first at all opportunities.
My ex (the children's father) and I have had a toxic relationship for 18 years. My daughter is 15 and my two boys are 12 and 10. I've always had them and never been away from them for long unless absolutely necessary. But since my breakdown between the social and my ex they've removed the children from my care. This was the end of September. Since me and my eldest went on holiday on the 3rd of October to Spain she has been allowed back living with me. My two boys are still in dad's care and I'm only allowed supervised visits by my mum, who has a full time job and a part time job, who has also been unwell for the last 8 months and is still not right, because he doesn't trust anyone else.
The social worker is bias even though he has said in the cafcass report both times concerning statements, the children have told her why they don't like living with him, the previous reports of harm he's caused before, or the behaviours he still continues to present which puts the children at risks.
I'm on waiting lists with the community mental health team. I've had sessions with grief counselling. I'm coming to the end of my 12 weeks with the local domestic abuse services, I'm half way through putting strategies together with mind, I've signed up to a load of courses through recovery college, I've got an advocate who doesn't think she can offer much as I've literally tried everything possible and yet the social still deem me a risk over him? She has sat in my front room and said that we aren't going to get on and we aren't going to agree so how am I meant to work with her? She has also planned for her to work with the two youngest and dad while the early help worker works with me and my daughter? I honestly can't seem to get any answers from her or her manager, the local mp and the local authority have "investigated " and have said because there's court proceedings they will not reassign a new sw. My solicitor isn't great but they have just put the application in for an independent social worker so can't really change right now. And rightly or wrongly it's having more effects on me than how I was feeling before. I literally feel as though I can't do anything right.
Help please i have never put my children at risk.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear JNY89,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you are in and can understand that it must be very difficult for you living apart from your two young boys. I hope that the following information and advice is helpful to you. Please click on the hyperlinks as they will take you to relevant information on our website.

From what you have said it sounds like you have tried raising your concerns with the social worker’s manager and your local MP. You have been told that because there are ongoing court proceedings they will not change the social worker who is working with your children. This is because a change in social worker often results in a delay to the court proceedings – which is usually not in the best interests of the children. We have information HERE about complaining beyond children’s services which might be helpful for you to look at, but it does sound as if you have tried most avenues.

It is positive to hear that your solicitor has requested an independent social worker assessment. This is likely to be the best way for you to have a fresh assessment that may give the opportunity for different recommendations. I would advise you to continue working with your current solicitor as again, a change in solicitor is likely to mean a delay in the court proceedings.

You might find it helpful to read through our guides for working with a social worker and for working with a solicitor which you can find HERE. The guides offer tips and advice about what to do if the working relationship is not going well.

It sounds as if you have been very proactive in getting support for yourself – including grief counselling, support from a domestic abuse service, working with mind and getting yourself an advocate. I want to say that given the very difficult circumstances you find yourself in this is very impressive and there will hopefully be some positives that you can take with you going forward. I would encourage you to continue doing what you are doing - the work that you are doing now will put you in a stronger position to be able to parent your three children in future.

You may find it helpful to contact MACTH mothers as they can provide confidential emotional support to mothers living apart from their children. They can be reached on 0800 689 4104.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have any further queries or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am – 3pm). We also have a webchat which is currently open on Monday and Wednesday afternoons.

Best wishes,
Suzie