Separated Parents, new/old partner. Complex

[Rubyroo12]

Good Afternoon,
(Fake names used)
Hoping for some advice, my story is complex, I have separated from my husband, John for two years and will be divorced in March, There are two children involved, when I met my John he had a child from a previous relationship who he had full custody of as the mother Kim, was neglectful and done drugs, when I met Jack (his son) he was 5 he is now 16, my ex and I also have a son who is now 7, James. John turned out to be not the man I thought I knew and we separated as he had been taking drugs and lying and his son who I have helped raise for 10 years wanted to live with me which is great and we have been for the last year, John is now back with Kim and due to move in with her next month – Kim lives a few hours away she has had 5 children in total and all have been taken out of her care. her youngest two children were taken into care in October 2024, she has a very turbulent life and is well known with social services and Jack has nothing to do with her and hasn’t since he was 9. My concern in that my son James will be introduced to her. I appreciate I have no say in who my former husband has relationships with I just feel this is going to cause a lot of damage to my two boys, is there anything I can do to stop her being in my son James life? I don’t want restriction on their dad as that’s not my goal, I know if Jack wants to (doubtful) then that’s a repair she will need to do etc. and he is old enough to decide himself. But want James away from it. It will also be distressing for Jack seeing James with his biological mother.


Any advice would be really appreciated.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Rubyroo12,

Welcome to the parents’ forum and thank you for your post. I am sorry to hear about the very difficult situation you are in.

At Family Rights Group we provide advice and information when Children’s Services in England are involved or when you wish them to become involved in your family life.

If you are concerned about the welfare of your youngest son whilst he is in the care of his father (perhaps because you are concerned about the capability of your son’s father and his partner to look after your son safely) then I would suggest that you contact children’s services to discuss your concerns. They may be able to give you some advice. Ultimately it is up to you to safeguard your son and if you feel that he is at risk of harm in his father’s care then you may need to consider whether contact is in your son’s best interests. Or you could consider coming to an agreement with your ex-partner about contact which you both feel is safe and is in your son’s best interests.

If you and your ex-partner are unable to come to an agreement about contact arrangements (and mediation has not been successful) then it may be the case that you or your ex-partner make an application to court. This is a private law matter and unfortunately does not meet the remit of our service, and we are not funded to provide advice in these types of situations.

I would suggest you contact the following organisations, who may be able to assist you:

• Child Law Advice. They have a telephone helpline which you can reach on 0300 330 5480. In addition, they offer helpful information and guidance for parents/carers in your type of situation and have ‘how to’ guides that you can download for around £2 each. Please do check out their website.

• Advicenow is a website that helps you find the best information and advice for your legal problems. You can choose from a range of categories, such as divorce and separation, child custody and residence, and more.

• Families Need Fathers is a charity that helps parents (regardless of marital status or gender) navigate family separation and maintain contact with their children. It offers information, advice, support, and advocacy through a helpline, online forum, and branches across the UK

• Rights of Women. Their family law telephone advice lines can advise you on divorce, cohabitation, parental responsibility and arrangements for children, domestic violence and abuse, finances and property on relationship breakdown, and more.

I hope that this is of some help. Please post again if you have further questions about children’s services involvement, or you can call our free, confidential adviceline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday – Friday, 9:30am – 3pm), or speak to us via our webchat or our advice enquiry form. However please note that we cannot offer any advice about private law matters.

Best wishes,
Suzie