Teenager no longer wants to see social worker

[JHKU33]

Hi all. My 16 year old has said she no longer wants to meet her social worker, as she doesn’t think there’s any point to it. She has been diagnosed as autistic and has a number of complex health complaints, including curvature of the spine and a number of long covid conditions, that effectively mean she is fatigued and in pain much of the time. She was put on a CP plan a year ago, because she wasn’t engaging with her medical eduction provision and wasn’t managing to keep her medical appointments. She’s recently been stepped down to a CIN plan because she had made a great effort to attend an in-school specialist provision and is seeing doctors when she is able. But the in-school provision was too much for her, and so we’re back to asking for home tuition (successful in the past but not being offered), and she is refusing to see the social worker now that she’s not currently getting up and about. I’m very tired of being asked to press her into seeing the social worker, and being told if she does’t engage she’ll be stepped back up to a CP plan (as if that would magically make her want to engage). And being offered parenting strategies rather than practical support. How do we get out of this trap where the social worker wants to see her for safeguarding reasons and she refuses to see him on the grounds that she’s told him she isn’t being abused or neglected for the past year and doesn’t find his visits helpful (quite the opposite). Do you have any advice please?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear JHKU33,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ forum. I am Suzie, an online adviser responding to your enquiry today.

I am sorry to hear about your daughter’s difficulties and the fatigue and pain she is experiencing. This must be a stressful situation for all of the family.

You explain that your daughter was on a child protection plan as there are concerns about her non-engagement with her medical and educational support and non-attendance of important medical appointments. This has recently been changed to a child in need plan following her efforts to attend school and go to medical consultations.

Your enquiry focuses on the difficulties you are having persuading your daughter to see the social worker. You have been told that a child protection plan may be necessary if non-engagement continues but you point out that this does not address the core issue – which is your daughter’s reluctance to meet the social worker on a regular one to one basis.
I would suggest that you request a meeting with the social worker and the social work team manager to discuss how they can work collaboratively with you to encourage your daughter’s participation in the child in need plan and the meetings with the social worker that the plan entails.

I am sending you a link to the Family Rights Group guide to working with a social worker here as it may help you prepare for a conversation on creative ways of seeking your daughter’s engagement.

I am sure I will be covering ground that you have already visited but the questions that occur to me are :-

a. What are your daughter’s specific fears about the meetings? And is there any reassurance that could be given - for example about the length of meetings, or an agreed list of questions in advance?

b. Would she feel more comfortable meeting a female social worker? (Children’s services do not have to change a social worker but you can make this request if you feel this would assist your child)

c. Is there scope for online meeting or a different venue that your daughter would feel more at ease within?

Family Rights Group have information on how children’s services can best work with children with disabilities and additional needs here.

I am also wondering if it could help your daughter to work with an advocate or mentor? I appreciate that the main issue is that she does not currently relish meeting people one to one or attending appointments and this would be yet another person she would be asked to relate to. However, I wonder if it would be possible for somebody to very gradually gain her trust over time and help transfer that confidence to other professionals?

Family Rights Group have a guide to children and young people working with advocates here.

You mention your daughter's autism diagnosis. In 2022, the British Association of Social Workers published guidance for social workers to enhance their work with autistic people – children and adults. You can link to this here.

I hope this is helpful.

You may wish to further discuss this with an experienced Family Rights Group adviser on 0808 801 0366. Lines are open Monday to Friday (excluding bank holidays) from 9.30am to 3pm.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[JHKU33]

Thank you very much for your response. I fear the main problem is that she has participated (albeit reluctantly) for a year now, feels there has been no benefit to her from the process, and has had enough. Most of your suggestions feel like more of the same (she doesn’t want to waste her limited energy on anyone who she doesn’t believe has anything useful to offer her). When the safeguarding argument is made she rejects it (she considers she’s had to explain multiple times that she’s ill and can’t attend appointments/school, not won’t, and that this isn’t a case of a parent abusing their child).

What is likely to happen if she continues to refuse to engage with her social worker and any alternative that is offered? I should probably add that I’ve spent the past year co-operating fully with the process, but am now reluctant to keep ignoring her clearly stated wishes. I’d like to know what might happen, assuming that I continue to get her what medical support is available and to find a path to some form of education (since our local borough do not provide the actual form of education she can engage with).

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear JHKU33,

Thank you for your response. Ultimately no-one can 'force' your daughter to engage with professionals if she does not wish to. Of course, it would be helpful for you to continue with gentle encouragement, but her feelings about the situation must also be listened to and respected.

If she does engage with medical appointments and medical support, and is engaging in some educational provision, then this would presumably reduce children's services' concerns. If there are no other safeguarding concerns (other than her refusal to engage with the social worker) then it is difficult to see why the case would escalate back up to the child protection process. Children should only become subject to child protection plans when it is felt that they are suffering harm, or are at risk of suffering harm.

I hope that this is helpful,

Best wishes,
Suzie