Violent child and CS

[Complicated 78*]

Hi. A few weeks ago I had to call the police as my son totally lost control a d bashed my face in with a big laundry basket. I had a black eye and bruised face . He told them I grabbed and hurt him but I didn't. I had to hold him to restrain him after he really hurt me so he rang his dad and told him and the police lies and got a picture of a slight red mark that soon went. Thry believe him. Hes been at his dad's over two weeks. Social worker won't progress with the work we will apparently have to do until she's heard back from the police lady who pushed me to get him charged as he's 15 and has been violent towards me verbally and physically quite a few times especially when he's had anxiety issues the past 3 months and won't talk to anyone about it until forced by one of his teachers. And refused to attend CBT . I don't know whether it's Child in Need or what the process is as the worker said she has no concerns . No statements were given to the police . My son tells alot of lies he copies his dad's behaviour who I left due to DV and has stopped me calling him by answering the phone and telling him what to say . We were chatting everyday. Twice he hasn't wanted to go . He doesn't seem happy at his dads . He said he's fine about the situation but won't discuss feelings because he's scared of the term anxiety due to all the crap his dad is filling he is head with.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Complicated 78*

Thank you for your post and welcome to the discussion board. My name is Suzie, I am an online adviser at Family Rights Group and will be replying to you today. I am sorry to hear of your situation. It is a difficult and stressful time for you and your son.

Your son was physically abusive to you and caused an injury to your eye and face. This is not the first time this has happened, in the recent past he has been physically and verbally abusive to you when he is feeling anxious.

Your son has had anxiety issues for the past three months and is supported in school but has refused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

Your son has a different version of events – he says you grabbed him ( you say you restrained him). Your son rang his father, showing him a picture of a red mark, he alleges you caused.

The police believe your son. He has been living with his father for the past two weeks. You do not know whether there is a child in need plan in place or what the process is. The social worker has informed you they will not start any attempts at relationship repair between you and your son until the police have informed them of the outcome of their investigations. You pressed charges on your son following recommendations from a police officer.

You say your son’s behaviours are mirroring those of his father who was abusive to you. You left following domestic abuse.

You were in contact with you son every day – speaking on the phone, however this is dwindling, and the father is answering your son’s phone. You say your son doesn’t seem happy at his father’s home and you are concerned that his father is not acting his in child’s best interest.

I suggest you email the social worker for an update. It is likely that there is no plan in place as yet. Moreover, that children’s services are in the process of completing a child in need or a protection plan. I have added HERE
information and guidance regarding a child in need plan. I have added HERE information and guidance regarding a child protection plan.

You say they are not starting a plan of support between you. This is likely to be linked the police investigation. Are bail conditions in place? If so children’s services cannot override these. If you are not sure about this, I suggest you contact the police to clarity the situation.

I have added a link HERE to an organisation called PEGS. This organisation recognises child to parent abuse and offers courses and strategies to support parents when manging these types of situations. Please do check it out.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you would like to talk to an adviser at Family Rights Group about your situation, please call the freephone advice line on 0808 801 0366, Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm. If you prefer, you can post back, use our advice enquiry form or webchat. Please refer to our website for further information.

Best wishes, Suzie

[Complicated 78*]

Hi. I already messaged the SW . She only said she won't progress with anything until she's seen the police but the officer won't respond. To a support agency also.There was no statements made. The police never came back. She changed the time but didn't show up and two weeks later still won't get back to anyone about it. I foundpegs a few months ago thanks. The social worker said she had no concerns so why would there be a Protection ???. You have me worried now. I had to grab my son before he got anything bigger to hurt me with with. My face is still sore 3 weeks after. I could only go certain places. Make up wouldn't hide the bruising. It was swollen aswell

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Complicated 78*

Thank you for posting again.

I am sorry that your situation is no clearer regarding the police and children’s services. It seems you are doing all you can in the circumstances to get the matter moving forward.
Well done for engaging with PEGS, I hope you are finding them helpful.
You say the social worker has no concerns but if that were the case then there would be nothing further to do, and the case would be closed. From the situation you have explained and the difficulties that you son is experiencing, he needs support to manage his behaviour at the very least. Is he receiving any support from CAMHS? I mentioned that he has refused CBT.

I am sorry that you feel worried about child protection, that was not my intention, just wanted you to have information about the different assessments that could be done by children’s services. Please read the information relating to child in need and child protection in the response to your previous post. Child protection relates to situations where a child has suffered harm and is believed to be at risk of future harm. If the social worker has no safeguarding concerns regarding your son in your care, then child protection investigation is unlikely.

You can contact the social worker's team manager to ask more about what is planned in respect of your case. If you do not know who this is, I suggest you telephone children's services office and ask for the manager of the social worker who is dealing with your case

It is unfortunate that the police officer has not dealt with the case, and it might help if you are able to attend at the police station to speak with the person in charge regarding your concerns. You should, if you have not already done, take photographs of your injury. Perhaps it would help if you contacted Victim Support on 0808 168 9111 who may be able to give you more advice related to the police.

Should you need more advice you can post again or telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday (excluding Bank Holidays).

Hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie