50/50 CAO

[Idegbemapeace]

Hello,
I am new here and just posting for the first time. I hope I am doing it right?
My daughter fell ill and was in and out of the hospital for about 2 years. At one point she was admitted for more than 7 months which was just so difficult having to care for her and her 5 years old son then who is now 6.
10 months ago, my daughter unfortunately passed away leaving me with her son whom I have lived and cared for since he was born prior to his mum passing.
My grandson has a dad who was not married to my daughter and didn’t see him for over 2 years until he realised his mum was ill. While my daughter was ill, she made me a PR for her son but this didn’t exist anymore due to her dying which means I no longer have any parental responsibility for my grandson despite living and caring for him. I made sure he sees and spend time with his dad as much as he wanted and then decided to apply for an SGO, went through the worse time of my life with Social services who after their assessment felt that they cannot grant me an SGO as it will relinquish his dad’s parental responsibility.
I made a huge mistake by not getting any legal advice first or represented in court. The hearing didn’t last long and and I thought there was going to be a final hearing later but in the end, court granted a 50/50 CAO as proposed by Social Services meaning that my grandson will now have to share his living arrangement with me and his dad despite everything this child has been through already. They also mentioned that they want to start transitioning him gradually as dad’s wishes later would be to have him living with him although I have been the only constant figure in my grandson’s life since he was born. I feel that although they said it was for his best interest, but no one actually ask him how he feels about it first let alone considering the fact that he has not only lost his mum but would now have to also not live full time in the home that he shared with his mum and loves.
Can I appeal against this decision and ask for a CAO that will make him remain in his home but have unlimited contact with his dad? Please I need help to know if it is worth pursuing.

[Robin D]

Hello and welcome Idegbemapeace.

So sorry to hear of the situation you find yourself in with your grandson. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter.

My first point is please do not blame yourself for not taking legal advice. The likelihood is that it would not have made any difference at all and would have cost a significant amount of money.

It appears that the CAO has only recently been made, but please post back if that assumption is incorrect. However if it is recent, I suspect there is little that can be done immediately to appeal the decision, or at least that stands much chance of success after such a short period. Sorry to give you that news, but you probably know that already.

However if the child is distressed by the situation, please ensure you keep a detailed and accurate diary of what happens and when, while encouraging him to make the most of the time with his father. It may work out very well and at the moment, I suggest, no-one knows that. The diary could prove crucial in the months and years to come.

I suggest you speak to the school if not already done so, and get them to note anything significant and to let you know. Some schools will also insist on reporting the same to the father. However, if they notice your grandsons behaviour or emotional state are causing concern it's important that you know, and if it's severe, they should make a referral back to Children's Services.

If all goes well, whatever your feelings for the father, you need to support the shared arrangement. As a significant person in the child's life you can apply to the court for a change in arrangements at any point once the new arrangements have had a chance to succeed.

Please do not be surprised if the father reports things very different to what your grandson tells you. It is normal for a child to want to please all parties, and to a greater or lesser extent to tell you what they think you want to hear. Many will also realise how much power they have and will try to play one adult off against the other so please be alert to that and try to discuss any such incidents in a positive way with the father.

If your grandson's reaction to the situation continues to be negative even with your support, you need to start trying to get independent evidence. Schools are a good start but anyone who knows him and in whom he might confide are also helpful, but you cannot be seen to encourage him to tell others he is unhappy.

@Suzie who is the FRG advisor may well have other thoughts, and if they conflict with mine you should always take her advice not mine please.

Best wishes ..... Robin

[Idegbemapeace]

Thank you so much for your reply Robin which I really appreciate. Yes the order is very recent and I will take the advice of seeing how it goes first before knowing my next step.
Thank you

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello,
I am new here and just posting for the first time. I hope I am doing it right?
My daughter fell ill and was in and out of the hospital for about 2 years. At one point she was admitted for more than 7 months which was just so difficult having to care for her and her 5 years old son then who is now 6.
10 months ago, my daughter unfortunately passed away leaving me with her son whom I have lived and cared for since he was born prior to his mum passing.
My grandson has a dad who was not married to my daughter and didn’t see him for over 2 years until he realised his mum was ill. While my daughter was ill, she made me a PR for her son but this didn’t exist anymore due to her dying which means I no longer have any parental responsibility for my grandson despite living and caring for him. I made sure he sees and spend time with his dad as much as he wanted and then decided to apply for an SGO, went through the worse time of my life with Social services who after their assessment felt that they cannot grant me an SGO as it will relinquish his dad’s parental responsibility.
I made a huge mistake by not getting any legal advice first or represented in court. The hearing didn’t last long and and I thought there was going to be a final hearing later but in the end, court granted a 50/50 CAO as proposed by Social Services meaning that my grandson will now have to share his living arrangement with me and his dad despite everything this child has been through already. They also mentioned that they want to start transitioning him gradually as dad’s wishes later would be to have him living with him although I have been the only constant figure in my grandson’s life since he was born. I feel that although they said it was for his best interest, but no one actually ask him how he feels about it first let alone considering the fact that he has not only lost his mum but would now have to also not live full time in the home that he shared with his mum and loves.
Can I appeal against this decision and ask for a CAO that will make him remain in his home but have unlimited contact with his dad? Please I need help to know if it is worth pursuing.

Dear Idegbemapeace,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the kinship carers’ forum. I am glad to see that you have already had a helpful response from RobinD.

I am very sorry to hear about your loss.

You explain that there is now a child arrangements order in place for you and your grandson’s father to share his care on a 50/50 basis. You are worried about whether this is the best arrangement for your grandson as he has already experienced much adversity and change.

Family Rights Group do not advise on private family proceedings, as we are not a specialist agency in this area. Child Law Advice have useful information on child arrangements orders and residence here.

It may benefit your grandson to focus on trying to make the new arrangement work well and for him to know that the adults in his life will work together in his best interests while staying vigilant as to any emotional distress he could display.

I am wondering if your grandson could benefit from a child in need assessment as he has had such a difficult time during his mother’s protracted illness, is bereaved and is adjusting to new circumstances. Under S.17 of the Children Act 1989 children’s services can befriend or assist a child who needs some extra support and services. You can read more about child in need support here.

I also wondered if your grandson’s extended family – on your side and his father’s- can be of help in facilitating the new living arrangements and offering him time and attention? Family Group Conference is a way for a family and friends network to come together to discuss the best way to support a child so that he can thrive. You can read more about family group conference here.

I am also sending links to bereavement support organisations here which may be of help to you and/or your grandson when the time is right.

I hope this information was useful.

Please feel free to come back to us for further advice. You could post again here or use our free telephone advice line open Monday to Friday between 9.30am and 3pm (excluding Bank Holidays) on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie