Family Rights Group | Kinship carers’ Forum

Hello, I hope i'm in the right place. I have found myself in a very unique situation and would appreciate any advice you can give.

In 2010, I was appointed as a Special Guardian to my nephew (2yo). At the time this included financial support, help with childcare as I worked full time and a contact order for his dad who lived in * another UK country*.

In 2012, following regular visits and holidays staying with his dad, he asked if he could take on full custody of my nephew and would like him to move to *another UK country* to live with him and his partner. After many sleepless nights and lots of heartbreak we decided that it would be best for him to live with his dad and so our roles reversed. He has been living in *another UK country* with his dad, step-mum and her children for the last 10 years and comes to stay with me for holidays once or twice a year.

Fast forward to 2022, his parents were no longer living under the same roof. My nephew & his dad had moved out of the family home some time prior and in August 22 there was a police incident and his dad was not allowed to have any contact with him whilst this was being investigated. His step-mum took him home and wanted him to continue living with her as that was his home where all of his friends, family and school were. A social worker called me to ask if i was ok for him to stay with her, I agreed. Unfortunately, because this was classed as a "family arrangement" she received very little support. And without the support she struggled both mentally and financially, she kept changing her mind, one minute she wanted him the next she couldn't cope. He was also acting up and behaving badly for her. In December 2022, his dad died and his step-mum was being assessed by social services to be his main carer, unfortunately, due to her constantly changing her mind, they didn't feel she showed any commitment to look after him and in February reached boiling point. She refused to let him back in the house and he refused to go home.

2 weeks ago they brought him back to me in *an English county* with 5 bin bags of his belongings. He's now 15. I am currently 6 months pregnant, working full time and living in a 2 bed house which I own. I had already expressed my concerns with social services on several occasions about the lack of space I now have to accommodate him and the stress I have been under recently. I know that I am legally responsible for him until he is 18 but my circumstances have changed in the last 10 years and I honestly never expected to be in this situation with him again. I now have to face the prospect of having 2 children to consider instead of 1, with 2 very different ages and only 1 bedroom for them both. On the day they brought him I was told "we will not just drop him off and leave you to deal with it" and that's exactly what they have done. It's no longer under *another jurisdiction* and *the English local authority* are saying the case was closed in 2012. I was already struggling with pregnancy, work and other family commitments. My dad has dementia and my mum is house bound, I really wasn't in a position to juggle anymore but once again I felt pressured into taking him in.

I have contacted "Early help" who were anything but helpful! The lady I spoke to offered no help or guidance at all, she only confirmed that I am "legally responsible for him until 18" in relation to having no space she said "well that's on you, you will have to buy a bigger house" I was hoping for some reassurance but I honestly felt more stressed than when I started the call.

I feel like I am completely stuck. Had this been a foster placement, it would be deemed as inappropriate due to the lack of bedroom space for his age and yet under an SGO, nobody cares. Do I have any rights at all? Can the SGO be reviewed?

Dear AnxiousAunt23

Thank you for your post, I am sorry to read of your situation.

As you have written the arrangement that you had was one of agreement which sadly ended with the loss of your nephew’s father and his stepmother unable to continue to care for him.

You said that your local authority said that they would not leave you alone to manage and that Early Help – were of no real help. You did not mention whether you were in receipt of a special guardianship allowance and whether this removed when your nephew went to live with his father. If an allowance was in place, you ‘could’ ask for its reinstatement or at the very least the (child in need) assessment you were ‘promised’ when your nephew returned to your care.

You may also benefit by reviewing any welfare benefits you might be entitled to, here is our advice sheet about welfare benefits.

Some charities/agencies that might be helpful are: Winston’s Wish (for bereaved children/young people). Turn2Us, Family Action, Help for Households and Citizens Advice.

I hope this information is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Thank you for your response.

The allowance I received whilst caring for my nephew was a Foster care allowance. I'm not sure how this differs to a special guardian allowance but having dug out all of the paperwork it is listed as "continuous foster care allowance". I subsequently cancelled this when he moved to his dads in another country. It was the *other* local authority who stated they would not just drop him off and leave me to deal with this alone however they have since advised that this needs to be dealt with by my local authority which is a different country.
My local authority have advised that the case was closed in 2012 and as there has been no financial support in place for over 3 years this would unlikely be reinstated.

I believe we have now been referred for a child in need assessment and I am waiting to hear back from the Special Guardianship department who have also said it's a very unique situation and are not sure how to proceed.

Dear AnxiousAunt23

Thanks for your updating post. I am sorry to hear that you are still experiencing difficulties and have not received support yet.

Fostering allowances and special guardianship allowances are different although children’s services are expected to use national minimum fostering rates as a starting point when deciding to provide a special guardianship allowance. As a Special Guardian you can also claim child benefit and child tax credits for the young person you are caring for, if you are eligible. You can find out more about that in the welfare benefits advice sheet I provided in my earlier response.

You could consider making a complaint to the children’s services department in the other UK country about how they managed the situation and their lack of support to you. Unfortunately , we cannot provide specific advice on their complaints process as it is a different jurisdiction.

It is good to hear that your local children’s services’ department are undertaking a child in need assessment to look at your nephew's needs and yours as his carer. This will provide you with an opportunity to discuss your family situation and to ask for any help or support that you feel you and your nephew need. If you were unable to continue caring for him, for any reason, you would need to discuss this with the allocated social worker.

You did the right thing by letting the special guardianship support team know when your nephew went to live with his father and therefore the allowance you received stopped. Now that he is back in your care, following his bereavement and a change in his circumstances, you have correctly let them know the current situation. You can ask that they reinstate / review the situation again due to the changes that have happened. You could use our template letter (7) to formally set this out and ask that they begin paying the allowance again. In this letter you can also set out your concerns about your accommodation and ask what support they can offer with this. If they are not willing to provide you with any financial support or consider your housing needs, ask that they put this in writing to you, with their reasons why. You would then need to consider making a complaint or seek further advice.

I can see that this is a very stressful situation which was not coordinated in any planned way between the two local authorities which are in different countries. Please do get in touch again if you have further queries following the child in need assessment or a response from the special guardianship support team. You can post back on this forum, contact the service via our freephone advice line, 0808 8010366 (Mon to Fri, 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, (except bank holidays), our advice webchat or our advice enquiry form.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie