I really want another baby but I’m terrified because of how social have made me out to be.

[Cnb12901]

Hi, just needing some advice really as I’m in a sticky situation I was pregnant in 2020 found out June 2019, I was only 17 when I found out I was pregnant and 18 when I had her, she was removed from my care when she was 6 weeks old. I’m now 21 and I feel I have matured a lot more regarding parenting and stuff. Social wasn’t concerned about violence around my child it was because of my mental health they thought she was at risk of significant harm, I now see where I went wrong when I had her in my care. I’m still with her dad but me and dad both didn’t really engage with social services as we didn’t think we needed too, we hold our hands up and both say we should of done it and could of done better, I got offered a mother and baby unit due to me being sectioned but I really felt like I didn’t need it, this time if I was to have another baby I would do everything and more social ask me to do I’m just stuck as I feel like I can never be a mother again, it’s a really overwhelming feeling. I want to go to college and train to become a midwife though first but I feel like I’m ready to do it this time I’m just abit stuck I feel like I have no choice but to not have anymore children.

[benion]

Just because one child has been removed that does not mean that all children in the future will necessarily be removed. They might give you the option of a child protection plan, with support.

If you have had an episode of psychosis, which has resulted in you being sectioned, that means a 1 in 3 risk of experiencing psychosis in the new born period. This risk increases to 1 in 2 if you choose to come of medication in pregnancy.

A psychosis is not the end of the world as long as you take up the place in the Mother and Baby Psychiatric Unit (MABU).

I have been in a MABU myself and it was lovely. Far better conditions than a "normal" adult psychiatric ward. There are psychiatric nurses for mental health support and nursery nurses for parenting advice. It really helped me.

If you want to keep a new baby, you would have to demonstrate that there have been significant changes to what happened last time. Look at the reasons your last child got taken and resolve to do things different next time.

Good luck!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi, just needing some advice really as I’m in a sticky situation I was pregnant in 2020 found out June 2019, I was only 17 when I found out I was pregnant and 18 when I had her, she was removed from my care when she was 6 weeks old. I’m now 21 and I feel I have matured a lot more regarding parenting and stuff. Social wasn’t concerned about violence around my child it was because of my mental health they thought she was at risk of significant harm, I now see where I went wrong when I had her in my care. I’m still with her dad but me and dad both didn’t really engage with social services as we didn’t think we needed too, we hold our hands up and both say we should of done it and could of done better, I got offered a mother and baby unit due to me being sectioned but I really felt like I didn’t need it, this time if I was to have another baby I would do everything and more social ask me to do I’m just stuck as I feel like I can never be a mother again, it’s a really overwhelming feeling. I want to go to college and train to become a midwife though first but I feel like I’m ready to do it this time I’m just abit stuck I feel like I have no choice but to not have anymore children.

Dear Cnb12901,

Welcome to the parents forum and thank you for your post. I am very sorry to hear about your previous experience of having your daughter removed and your difficulties with your mental health.

As benion has said, just because you have had one child removed does not mean that children’s services will automatically remove any other children you have in future. However they will become involved and will carry out a pre-birth assessment to find out whether your baby will be safe in your care and whether any additional support might be needed. It is important that you and your partner work with children’s services openly and honestly and it would be crucial for you to accept support where needed. For example, as benion suggested, you may be offered a place in a mother and baby unit; it would be highly advisable for you to take up this if offered so that you can access support that you need and so that you have the opportunity to demonstrate to children’s services that you can keep your baby safe.

I would suggest that you have a look at our webpages HERE as we have advice and guidance for parents-to-be, and HERE is some specific advice for parents who have had a child removed previously.

We also have a guide to working with a social worker HERE which you may find helpful.

You don't say if you have accessed any counselling or therapy since your daughter was removed - it may be beneficial for you to consider doing so as this would have been a very difficult time for you and it is important to deal with the trauma that you went through. PAC-UK offer support to birth parents who no longer have their children in their care and I would suggest that you contact them on their helpline (07975 846 249). They offer counselling, support groups and other services. Please find their website HERE for more information.

It sounds as if you have worked very hard to make changes in your life and it is really positive that you feel that you understand where you went wrong previously with not accepting support. It may be beneficial to spend some more time consolidating those changes you have made and focussing on your health and wellbeing, as well as ensuring that you have really good support networks in place before you consider becoming a parent again. All this will give you the best chance possible to be able to care safely for any children you have in the future.

I hope that the above is helpful. Please do post back again if you would like any further advice as things progress or you are welcome to call our free, confidential helpline on 0808 801 0366 (Monday to Friday, 9:30am-3pm) to speak with an adviser.

Best wishes,
Suzie